Are these Red Flags????

[Three Roses]

Yes, thank you, sienna. I'm alright.

Just remember, you are alright and you will be alright - you are the one who sets your sails and plots your course. I hate to sound like a buzz kill but if you are depressed, alcohol is not going to help that. Take care of the little girl inside you, she's worth it.   

[Sienna]

Thanks Three Roses.
I know alcohol is not going to help. not sure if I'm *depressed*. But yes, i just needed to numb out. I have been acknowledging my feelings lately but now i have no desire or motivation to do so. Sometimes, like my feelings after last T session, are so big i just cant go near them.

And thank you for telling me that the little girl inside me is worth it.
I just cant feel that she is at the moment. 

[Three Roses]

As someone said to me long ago, our feelings are liars. Feelings are the caboose, not the engine; they follow where your will takes you. Your will is the rational part of you that knows that no matter how you feel, you ARE important. No one needs to validate you (although we all love that, don't we?  ) in order for it to be TRUE.

You are worthy of being treated well, most of all by yourself. Take care.  <3

[Sienna]

Thanks Three Roses. I hope my feelings are liars.

[sanmagic7]

i know it's been awhile, sienna.  have been going thru a rough patch.

what happened w/ your therapist?  i know you've kind of had on again-off again feelings about what has happened in therapy.  is it a reality thing, as in did something happen in a session?  did she say something, do something?    i'm not denying your feelings, nor invalidating you.   can you talk to her about it?  as far as i can see, anything that happens in session, or about a session, is or can be a topic for a session.  not knowing what went on makes it difficult to try to guess.  i know you'll make it through this, tho.  i'm just sorry you're having more therapist problems.  that's a drag.

[Sienna]

San magic, its so nice of you to check in.
Im really sorry to hear that you have been going through a rough patch.
How are you doing? Im interested to hear about it, if you would like to tell me.

You saying that i have had on and off feelings, i didnt even realise this until you said it, and now I'm thinking that, despite passively letting her know that i don't feel good, but not that its about her...I am keeping those feelings in instead of expressing them to her.

I have no idea of its in my head or not or if its in reality.
One time when i taked to her about how i feel she sometimes doesnt show empathy...she said, *wht do you want me to do? make a big song about it?* and i just froze and said, no.
so i don't feel i can talk to her about the other session in which i felt invalidated.
i worry that she may lie and twist my head if i bring it up, or that she might react badly, but i worry about that when it comes to everybody.

I cant talk to her about it.
last session, she asked how long i had been feeling ...down...and i said since last session.
She didnt put two and two together...or if she does, maybe she knows i feel i cant talk about it.
Then after last session, i just feel terrible. She was validating a lot... but i made sure i didn't talk much and i didnt bring anything in from that week to talk about.
I dont trust her and i was mad at her, but i couldnt tell her.
And i invalidated myself and avoided talking about some topics she brought up, before she could invalidate me first.
I know i should just tell her how i feel instead of invalidating myself, but i just cant.
and i dont know what is in my head and what is not..i don't know what is real anymore and i feel like I'm slipping away.
I cant hold on ..as it feels that all hope has gone and the world as i wanted to believe  it was, has turned upside down.
I dont trust that she will be how she was in this session, in last session, and i think she contradicts what she says too.
Only i freeze and cant challenge it properly.
She told me that my feelings after the rejection were normal...but i didnt feel they were.
she said last session, that when we feel worthless in childhood, we react to a rejection that way, and i said, why didnt you say that to me last session?

she said that she thought i knew where the feelings come from...and that she assumes i know most things because i know most stuff.
She said...sorry. I said, its cool...thinking...that i heard that a lot from X...and i still feel T is invalidating at times, despite me giving her the pete walker paper to read.

The session before this one.. i didnt tell her, but i needed validating, to feel heard and supported and i wanted to understand better why i was having those feelings about myself due to  the rejection...

If I'm wondering if its all in my head,
she is either like my x and playing games (if he did anything wrong at all)
or...
Im just really confused and it is in my head

Thanks for asking Sanmagic. 
oh, and i didnt feel invalidated at all.