A child possibly mistreated

[cosmo79]

Hi everyone,

So, the last four times my partner and I have seen his sister and her husband, they have kept their youngest (2 YO) daughter up way past her bedtime, all the while remarking on how tired she is. She seems exhausted, and hurts to watch her basic needs be ignored. 

The reason they do this, as far as I can tell, is that they don't want to leave the family event or compromise their other activities. She's their third child, and I think they don't really want to be bothered.

It's very hard to watch, for me, perhaps because of my own family background. I worry that they may be doing permanent harm to her health and sense of safety, but I don't have kids, so I don't really know. Could someone on this board who does have experience with young children comment on this, please?

Here's what we've tried to do about it so far:
- My partner drops very obvious hints about how they really should be getting home so their daughter can sleep. They understand what he's getting at, but ignore it or laugh it off.
- My partner's parents schedule family events as early as possible, but often, these parents ask to make them later because they have other things going on.

Can other people relate? Am I over-reacting? Is there anything else I, as a non-member of the family, can do?

[Smoke]

I don't think that you are overreacting at all, as you said they seem to be ignoring the child's basic need for sleep for selfish reasons.

But at the same time I don't think that there is much you can do about it except trying to meet up with them early in the day.

[cosmo79]

Thank you, Smoke! Last time we saw them was at their house...and, huzzah!...one of them actually absented themselves to put the child to bed.

[Wife#2]

If this has finally been resolved, hurray!

I've had to ask my guests to leave because it was time to put my child to bed at my house. I've also brought the pack & play as a temporary crib if I know we're going to be somewhere through nap time or very late. Once or twice, while visiting with family, I hated to impose, but did ask if I could put DS then 2 down for a nap in someone's bedroom. Most people, family AND friends, are willing if they invited you knowing the small child was coming also.

I agree that ignoring a sleepy child is a bad thing. Sleep is essential to a young body's growth, and there's the ignoring the child's needs for adult socialization reasons. Neither are good.

Now that my son is older, DS8 will just tell me he's tired and ready to go home. If I'm not ready to leave yet, I'll suggest he lay down on GM's bed, or whatever. But, I've also learned that he'll tell me he's tired when really he's just ready to leave. I've learned to honor that. He'll tell me the real reason on the way home (my Mom has cats, his allergies can be fierce).  Now, he feels listened to and cared about and considered a priority in my life (at least on this issue).