Working to make the critic my friend: issues of trust

[Jdog]

I had a dream last night in which I turned both my car and cell phone over to a clearly unreliable woman who promised to fix the car (after having let her tell me there was something wrong with the car, unbeknownst to me) and have everything back to me within 24 hours.  I then wandered aimlessly through the city, having realized that I should not have given my belongings to her and mentally beating myself up for the poor decision.

I was unable to get back to sleep as this disturbing dream brought all manner of things to the surface (mostly work-related) concerning my lack of information about things I feel I must be able to control.  So, my inner critic was having a marvelous time poking at me.  I meditated, did some reflection, and realized that although I have been burned in the past by trusting the wrong people, this new junction is a new chance to trust my own instincts and allow creativity to come into the problem solving I must do.  No point in whining about lack of information, or the unreliability of my colleagues or school district.  It's really all about using what I have available and staying open to new opportunities.  I really CAN make good choices, and don't need to feel victimized by either my current situation or by my past.

This is an enormous relief to me.

[woodsgnome]

Maybe the inner critic is an inner caution...and only that? It's become so habitual that it still sneaks back in, only now it can be considered as just another option in the open space you've created. Because no longer do you have to agree with the inner critic's judgements insisting that one is bad, or wrong, and at the least  misguided. So a person might still acknowledge an inner critic, but tuck it far back in the possibilities file. Then one knows the inner critic as just a small opinion among many, even if the full scope of options is not readily apparent. Finally the new and hard-won trust in yourself can speak for itself and share its wisdom.

So the inner critic morphs into just a cautionary footnote...and a minor one at that.  Its conclusions aren't the final word anymore. Even if one forgets this and falls into old  patterns, the initial realization bids fair to be the start of a new habit, allowing one to realize that the inner critic no longer dominates. Ideally, it's nice to just think of destroying one's inner critic entirely, but in my painful experience that hasn't happened nor do I expect it anymore, at least at this stage of recovery. Still it's nice to think it could become my new reality.

Forcing the inner critic out of my life entirely has proved futile so far. But the notion is slowly seeping in that, to borrow your words,  "I really CAN make good choices, and don't need to feel victimized by either my current situation or by my past." With that realization, the inner critic fades into its deserved oblivion.

Thank you.

[Jdog]

Woodsgnome, your validation of my observations are most welcome and the idea of allowing the ctitic to be one voice among many definitely makes sense.

As always, I appreciate your wisdom..and wish you well as you work with your own circumstances past and present.