Telling other people stuff. Whats best over all way to deal..

[chairmanmeow]

Let them know why you feel so sick and are spacy at times or pretend to be normal because they dont really understand what it means anyway?

Its problematic and having people worried gets to be a hassle, worst when they assume your on drugs or something, maddening when explaining just gets you the "just get over it speech" as if your matter of fact explanation for your situation is whining.

And they wonder why I isolate... And spare me the every situation is different because the abuse I seem to get in turn for being sick is the same please, iv been living with this too long and working with people and certain situations I have to offer something sometimes Im not sure how to deal......

[Dutch Uncle]

I can relate to the agony of what to do or what not to do.

After years of trying to 'explain' I have learned (the hard way) that the more I educate myself on the origin and substance of the abuse I suffered for so long, and why I react the way I do at this moment in recovery, the harder it is for non-cPTSD people to 'get it'. And admittedly: I have found it very hard to 'get it' myself. I dare say that in a manner of speaking it took me the best of roughly 50 years to 'get it'. And I still struggle at times.

The "get over it" people? Either they have stopped seeing me and I have given up on seeing them too (to be honest I feel more that they isolate me than that I isolate myself, though the overall effect is off course largely the same) or I only meet them if I am myself in a mood of "don't worry be happy." Which is great to do at times: forget about it all for an evening. That can be hard to do as I have stood by some of these friends  in their 'hour of need' and I never told them to "get over it already", in fact I have sometimes even brought up their 'problem' and asked how they were progressing, to great relieve of them. So it makes me sad sometimes I do not get the favor returned.

But alas, that's the way it is. I do think it's a good idea to take the "get over it already" people at face value, and know they don't want you to bring up the subject. In my experience trying to speak on it, even if they ask/hint later, is setting myself up for failure. Usually the question is a sort of politeness-phrase, and they may even know they should ask, but they really do not want to deal with it. I guess they only want to hear "Oh, I got over it!" as an answer to their question. 

Luckily I do have a few friends who can accept slow progress, the baby steps and the 'two steps forward, one step back' process. And sometimes that is also all I say to them when asked. And I let the matter rest for that specific meeting. These are the friends I can contact anytime I want IF I want to share.
But I must confess: this period in my life does show a watershed between friends. There's the "get over it" types, and the "as long as it takes" kind.

to you, chairmanmeow.

[chairmanmeow]

My problem is more practical in nature, I am freeze type who dont need anyone to understand.
But when the physical effects of my anxiety disorder creep out of hand, the dissociative side effects the loss of memory, being physically Ill and lacking energy, not eating because my insides are messed up and my appetite is annihilated, or I become avoidance incarnate when my levels of anxiety cross a threshold and I just press on and do what I need to be doing and feeling like * while doing it... When your around people, have to work with a lot of people, these tendencies demand explanation or my to preform in a way that they cause no concern. Its allways fun when your boss assumes your on drugs and the real reason your sucking at your job that day had more to do with derealization, or people close to you plot to intervene in efforts to make your life better when all they do is pour gas on the fire, and you end up the jerk but explanation is beyond them.... its a real problem these days for me.

[Three Roses]

to be honest, meow, i'm struggling with this same issue. i get the blank stare *blink blink* if i give them just a little info, and if i delve into it further i wind up telling them too much and suddenly they're uncomfortable and so am i. the truth is, they may care, but they just don't have the experience to be able to relate. i'll be watching this thread to see if there are any suggestions.

[Danaus plexippus]

As it turns out, my closest friends are now, or have been on psych meds. Many of us are 9/11 survivors. There's nothing in it for me to show my insides to everyone. I stopped just then, trying to think of "normal people" that I know. I got nothin'. When I meet someone new I ask (not out loud) "Ok, what kind of crazy are you?" Let's hear it for Neurodiversity Mad Pride!

[Danaus plexippus]

The Philosopher's Stone: BE KIND, for everyone you meet is carrying a great burden. When you recognize that pain and the response to pain is a universal thing, it helps explain so many things about others, just as it explains so much about yourself. It teaches you forbearance. It teaches you a moderation in your responses to other people's behavior. It teaches you a sort of understanding. It essentially tells you what everybody needs. Everybody needs to be understood. And out of that comes every form of love. If someone truly feels that you understand them, an awful lot of neurotic behavior just disappears. Disappears on your part, disappears on their part.

[woodsgnome]

Danaus plexippus wrote: "When I meet someone new I ask (not out loud) "Ok, what kind of crazy are you?" Let's hear it for Neurodiversity Mad Pride!"



Sent me searching for an old book friend titled "Crazy Wisdom" by Wes Nisker. Described as "a provocative romp through the philosophies of East and West", it is truly that and more. It's a grand excursion that opens the mind's 'pinata' and extracts the often hidden treasures left for our discovery from a large contingent of fellow travelers. These are the folks who've cut through the heaviness of ye olde hypocrisy and casts a bright and wonderful light on our true "Neurodiversity".

Thank you for sharing your whimsy , Danaus...I'll make a note of your comment and pencil it into my copy of 'Crazy Wisdom'. It ranks right up there with the many nuggets I've found there and keep diving in for.

[Chartery]

This thread is very validating for me - thank you all.  As a reader I am struck by the eloquence of all of your writings and I find it rife with deep emotional intelligence.  For sure there are many silver linings to having CPTSD and you folks are the embodiment of it.

[AmandaB30]

But alas, that's the way it is. I do think it's a good idea to take the "get over it already" people at face value, and know they don't want you to bring up the subject. In my experience trying to speak on it, even if they ask/hint later, is setting myself up for failure. Usually the question is a sort of politeness-phrase, and they may even know they should ask, but they really do not want to deal with it. I guess they only want to hear "Oh, I got over it!" as an answer to their question. 

That part made me feel SOOO much less alone!! That is EXACTLY what I'm learning is happening with my mom! Even after years of therapists advice...I guess it was heartbreaking to give up on my mom understanding, even though she seems to pretend to "want" to...it always gets turned around to be about her and her needs. I see now how pointless and exhausting it is!!

Also @Chairmanmeow- I feel SO bad for you!! Ugh, I remember going through that when I was working too and the being on drugs part!!!! SO many times when I was panicking and went to the hospital, the doctors would get really weird and ask me to "be honest" about any drug use!!! They would then test me even though I insisted I have never even smoked a JOINT in my life (sometimes wonder if I should have geez, jk jk) and then once it came back negative...not even an apology!? NOT helpful to my panic to say the least! I finally figured it out when my current psychiatrist (thankfully there are good ones out there) shook her head and told me that it's likely because my pupils are almost always dilated (or the word that means widened...I think it's dilated) from my anxiety and trauma. I then remembered my mom's boyfriend stating how "scary" my eyes were and got her to look at them when I was about 5 or 6...I can laugh now because it likely did terrify him  so, much sympathy to you!!!!

[Danaus plexippus]

This is where I turn into a chameleon. To acquaintances I don't want to get closer with, I do the "Hi! How are you? Fine thanks. Have a nice day" polite greeting. To acquaintances I care to win over, I enthusiastically share some bit of information I feel good about. To dear friends who understand, I let it all hang out! In some other thread (I don't remember which) I shared the following advise gleaned from a former T. Don't expect to get milk from a hardware store. When someone tells you who they are, believe it and move on. My FOO had “ISSUES!” I ran away from home when I was a teenager. My sister ran away before me. We were both physically and emotionally brutalized growing up. Sometimes when a T wants me to do the "What would you tell your child self?" thing, I shout “Run away, run away! There is nothing out there in the wide wild world as toxic as what you are going through now! When I visited my sister in the nursing home and we got carried away with boisterous laughter and singing funny songs, she would “shush” me when a nurse came in the room. Then I would say “We can’t help it. We were raised on J. Street.” and we would both start laughing again. Oh God, I miss her so much.