Betrayed trust?

  • 30 Replies
  • 3030 Views
*

radical

  • Member
  • 847
    • View Profile
Re: Betrayed trust?
« Reply #30 on: June 24, 2016, 10:12:41 PM »
Hang in there, Wanishin.

Don't let yourself be dragged back into this nightmare.

Danaus has given a great example of how to deal in a non-confrontational way.  Use the stuck record technique: "You have told me how unhappy you are for such a long time.   It makes me sad.  I've tried and tried, but I can't make you happy and I know that I need to let you go so you find someone who can.  That person will never be me."

I have a dBPD friend who caused me  major distresss and problems for decades.  I couldn't get away. 

When I arrived home from a really difficult time after my father died, I found she had sent me an abusive email which included her saying she didn't feel safe with me and that she would no longer be my "confidant".  It was total bulls*^t, but I grabbed it with both hands!

She tried to drag me back in but I stayed firm.  I wished her well as kindly as I knew how.  I said I was unable to be the friend she needs.  I stuck to it, through all the hoovering and tears. I'm so relieved to finally be free and the harm she caused in my life has only become more clear over time.  I don't hate her.  I do feel sad for her.

I can't compare this with your situation except that you need to get away from this mess.  It will hurt more if you let it continue because this will not get better.  You didn't cause her problems, you can't cure them and you can't control the situation.  But you can get out and be as decent and non-confronational about it as humanly possible.  I know you don't wish her harm, but you can't help her.  You owe it to yourself to save yourself.  You are the only person you can save here and you so deserve it.

I know it will hurt like *, but it will ease with time.  Once you are free of your feelings for her you can finally start healing your own wounds.  One day you'll look back and be so glad.