Today I feel ...... (Part 3)

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LookInside

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #15 on: July 20, 2016, 11:25:22 PM »
Reflective

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Sienna

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #16 on: August 08, 2016, 04:18:29 PM »
Trigger warning

* ANGRY and *OFF with the world!
This has been doing on for a while and i can do anything about it as i can't out let it.
All it took was for a rude bus driver who hated the fact that i asked him how much the fare was.
Im sick of the lack of understanding and others thinking I'm just being awkward or stupid.
This is the way my mother treated me and the way i responded to my partner ... I'm a bad person too.
i cant deal with this absolute rage. The very reason why pills or alcohol is what i feel i need at the moment as i can't express this stuff for where I'm living and other people being about.
I hate this world and i hate living in it.
I have know one at all to even tell this to. Even more reason to stuff my feelings.

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Three Roses

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #17 on: August 08, 2016, 04:26:25 PM »
Let it out, sienna! It's got to come out. I think about you frequently and wonder how you are - even tho we've never met, you have me/us here at the forum!

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Sienna

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #18 on: August 08, 2016, 04:34:55 PM »
Three Roses,
Thank you for being so supportive and kind and for being here. Im glad i logged into the forum today.
I can't believe that. It means a lot that you wonder how I am.
Do you have any idea how i can express this anger when i cant yell or scream or hit or throw things where i am living?
How are doing you three Roses?  :hug:

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Three Roses

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #19 on: August 08, 2016, 06:08:40 PM »
Today I feel - energetic and hopeful. :)

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2016, 07:07:01 PM »
Punching a pillow used to really help me - it doesn't make a noise and I used to knee on the bed and punch ...
Also finding an open space
Away from people and yelling ...
There are workshops around that let free expression come out too

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #21 on: August 12, 2016, 07:08:01 PM »
Today I feel irritable - people are getting right on my nerves ...
Time alone now which is great - I love time alone :)

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Sienna

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #22 on: August 12, 2016, 08:01:20 PM »
I meant to reply to you Three Roses.
Today I feel - energetic and hopeful. :)
I was very happy to read that. I don't know if you are still in that mood state, but yes...i was glad to read that.  :hug:

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Sienna

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #23 on: August 12, 2016, 08:04:20 PM »
Boatsetsailrose, thank you!
I was thinking of punching my bed / pillows. I have to yell and scream when i release rage and i cant yell here, but maybe hitting my bed is better than nothing.

Workshops umm...not sure I'm ready for doing it around others yet...though i wish i had someone to rant to a lot.
I wanted an open space. the closest place - the park, is open, but not free of people.  i hope to find one one day.
Seriously, thank you for your ideas.

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Sienna

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #24 on: September 12, 2016, 04:40:48 PM »
Some days it feels like everything is wrong.
Triggered, uncomfortable inside.
Everything feels unsafe. Everyone feels unsafe.
The environment and circumstances today is triggering.
I'm afraid of others.
And scared of coming events and that I'll run out of coping mechanisms due to lack of money.

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Three Roses

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #25 on: September 12, 2016, 06:41:49 PM »
 :hug: :hug:  With you, Sienna.

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Sienna

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #26 on: September 12, 2016, 08:35:35 PM »
Thank you Three Roses. I hope your well... :hug: :hug:

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woodsgnome

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #27 on: September 17, 2016, 03:32:12 PM »
...feeling (if I know what feelings are yet)...

...broken, alone, friendless, tired...so...sadly, my 'normal' self. The hope star seems ever fading further onto the horizon. Therapy helps, but it's also all I have to grab onto. Support system? What's that? Like everything...it's passed me by...and I'm reduced to dreaming about anyone who'd care for a broken soul anyway--possessing only a brilliant mask of 'I'm fine'. I only had a couple true friends as it was, and they've left whatever this world is; increasingly it seems like even this world is beyond anything I can relate to. Despair is such a long, endless road.

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Sienna

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #28 on: September 17, 2016, 05:57:55 PM »
Oh woods gnome...  :hug: :hug:

I know you may feel incredibly alone right now...and all i can do is offer my support online which sucks...but you are not alone in how you feel, or in being the only one in this world who feels exactly like you do.
I know what it is like to feel all of the things you have listed. To experience every day, all of the things you have listed. To not have a support system.
Its such a shame that for some of us, life goes this way. And i hope one day it will be better , but i know that that hope, if you have any, isn't enough to solve how you are feeling now.

Im here dutch, over the net...and we are your support system for now. My words are so trite, I'm sorry  :hug: :hug:

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woodsgnome

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Re: Today I feel ...... (Part 3)
« Reply #29 on: September 18, 2016, 11:33:32 PM »
Sienna, this means a lot, especially coming from you.  :hug:

These emotional lows come and go, but its staying power seems stronger than either, and it wears one down...that's where I've arrived, and it feels regressive even if it might not actually be so. What an oddity--wanting to feel more alive and yet, this is what I do feel. Go figure. My emotional hurt doesn't match my rational inclination to realize that yes, it's all part of being vulnerable; but it still seems full of more pain, too. Or is it too much to expect some relief at least some of the time?

Thanks for the support--sometimes I get the feeling that some see there's a post from 'woodsgnome' and assume it'll be wordy, full of questions instead of answers, wondering instead of knowing, and out-of-the-box :spooked:. It's true; I tend to do that, I think, and it probably contributes to my feeling misunderstood. My ultra-sensitivity runs amok threatening to heap the inner critic's viewpoint onto the pileup of emotions.  :fallingbricks: It's all so confusing...yet supposedly  'good'?  :aaauuugh: :stars:

Thanks again!!! :hug:
« Last Edit: September 18, 2016, 11:37:12 PM by woodsgnome »