Connection between neglect and memory development/somatic response?

[sanmagic7]

i so hope those good and beautiful memories come back to you both.  i think they're important to be able to reference every so often.  hopefully, once the traumatic stuff gets resolved, your brains will be able to once again access what was wonderful in your lives.   best with this.

[Blueberry]

Thanks sanmagic, for this wish and hope. Does that mean that you know or think that non-traumatic memories can be recovered? I'd be interested if anybody else has experienced this also or has knowledge of it.

Sometimes I think I'm getting dementia. I've read that Alzheimer's can start when you're about 40 and I'm a bit beyond that now. I don't just forget people's names but when I bump into them, I can't remember where I know them from either. Then I remind myself that the energy that could be involved in remembering names is involved in processing trauma and keeping other things below surface and bringing about change in other parts of my life. And so I hope that sometime in daily life things will improve if there ever comes a time when less energy is going into change et al.

[Candid]

I've heard (probably somewhere on this site) that in CPTSD we're so caught up in trauma management (aka rumination) that we're not in the moment, not concentrating. With an acquired brain injury on top of CPTSD I can't listen to anyone speak for more that a few seconds; I'm still looking at them but I realise I've gone away (again) into my own thoughts. I can go for a walk and when I get home I don't remember passing certain landmarks, although I know I must have. Also, when people I know have been walking towards me for a while they'll snap their fingers or wave in my face because I've been looking at the path ahead or I've simply had my eyes switched off. I firmly believe this is why I became short-sighted in my early 20s and lost the sparkle in my eyes; I was dissociating practically all the time.

On the flipside, happy moments from the past are still accessible in full technicolour and clarity.

The answer is clearly mindfulness, which is probably also the best preventive of dementia. Has anyone had any success with that? Is it even possible for CPTSD sufferers? I'm now thinking that if I can achieve clarity, I'll know I'm healed.

[Annarae12]

I can relate to this so much. I cant remember my past much, my whole life feels like a foggy distant dream or something. I can never remember details or really specific memories in my life or the timeline of when things happened, but i can feel emotions from certain parts of my life at times. My memory is also horrible. I read your post and started typing and then completely forgot what your post even said. I definitely think neglect and trauma has a huge effect on memory. Hope youre doing well!

[pinkroses47]

I feel the same way. So many of my childhood is just a general feeling. Sometimes I will remember things that I forgot about years ago or someone will be telling about an incident that I know nothing about. But they will claim that I was there. Most of y vivid memories seem to be traumatic. Even now my memory is poor.

[Eyessoblue]

Yes same here, I sat an exam recently I knew the course reasonably well but when I opened the paper I couldn't even find where to write my name then panicked and consequently failed the exam as I couldn't understand a single question that was being asked until I got in the car to go home and remembered it all it's as if I was sat in a fog unable to do anything, I felt like a total failure until I re evaluated it all logically and reminded myself that actually mentally I'm really not very well at the moment and need to put things into perspective and stop giving myself such a hard time, that got me through feeling better about it all.

[Blueberry]

I felt like a total failure until I re evaluated it all logically and reminded myself that actually mentally I'm really not very well at the moment and need to put things into perspective and stop giving myself such a hard time, that got me through feeling better about it all.

Good coping skills and self-talk, Eyessoblue! 
I'm sorry about your exam though.

[Eyessoblue]

Thanks blueberry, the exam really doesn't matter to me anymore (although at the time I was devastated) now I can just laugh about it and move forwards in life, I'm determined that my brain will start working again one day- hopefully soon!!

[Candid]

You're sounding very strong these days, Eyessoblue. 

[Eyessoblue]

Aww thank you candid! I've been doing EFT on myself it really seems to help unblock those negative feelings, have you tried it at all? Would really recommend it.

[Candid]

Yes, long ago via Gary Craig youtubes. Thanks for the reminder!

[Courtois@@1]

I agree with the previous postings which make a connection between childhood trauma and the inability as an adult to form short-term memories. I often cannot remember what I did this morning, much less the day before or the day before that. Your posting brilliantly describes what I experience; islands of vivid memories lost in a general haze of what Dante calls a "great sea of unknowing."

Since the brains of children are still forming and so vulnerable to environmental influences, it makes sense that a child experiencing trauma and high levels of cortisol and other stress hormones may actually suffer some form of "minimal brain damage" in the memory-formation area. And a child suffering neglect may experience some form of the opposite, since, as cognitive scientists have shown, the brain needs lots of good stimulation (including an enriched verbal environment, contact with nature, toys, etc.) to develop properly. And, unfortunately, as "plastic" as the brain is, there are, apparently, certain "developmental windows" in which certain things must take place, or be lost (or impaired) forever.

It is a bit scary at times, but one consolation I have for my "Swiss cheese" memory is that I don't really need a detailed recollection of what I ate this morning (or yesterday) to function, and good memories (as you mentioned, usually connected to a positive emotion, i. e. a pleasant trip) tend to remain.

[Courtois@@1]

Hi Candid,
Over the years, I have found vipassana (insight) meditation to be very helpful in giving me a sense of something beyond the sufferings which Complex PTSD can bring. Here are some links to a wonderful teacher I had years ago in Berkeley, James Baraz, who was one of the co-founders of Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, CA.

I highly recommend vipassana meditation. You don't have to have a specific religious affiliation to practice it, although it is based on and inspired by the Buddhist tradition. It is also very easy to learn and practice.

There must be some teachers here in the New York area if you Google it. Here are the links:

https://www.awakeningjoy.info/teacher.html
https://www.londonmindful.com/5-day-meditation-and-mindfulness-retreat.html

[Candid]

Thanks, Courtois.  There's a mindfulness course here (in UK) I can sign up for.  I think I'll give it a go.