First post...feeling so anxious and overwhelmed lately...

[AmandaB30]

Hi, my name is Amanda, I'm new here. I just got a formal diagnosis from my psychiatrist after 5 years of ...I don't really know the word. I have had many issues from childhood...such a long story...I felt a bit relieved to know there is a name for what I'm going through, but honestly I'm also at a point where it feels like things will never get better. All my symptoms are the strongest the last few months (scared to go places, feeling like I'm going to faint, chest pain, headaches and just no drive to do anything, almost every night nightmares and what I just learned are "emotional flashbacks"...I had a terrifying flashback two years ago in the hospital and I still am terrified it will happen at any point, especially when I start getting this sensation that I'm being pulled out of my body (it sounds weird, I don't know how else to explain it) Anyway, long story short, my mom, who I've had to stay distant from, asked me what has been going on and when I finally told her about the PTSD, she didn't believe it, or more so kept asking if I "felt" it was because of her...I kept trying to say it isn't the time or place to talk about it and that it was also from stuff with my biological father up until I finally stopped seeing him (around 4 years old) anyway, she kept being dismissive about it and that she has PTSD and it's a serious diagnosis..(as though I were making it up) and I had a panic attack very bad where I got these red splotches on my chest and going up my face, I couldn't breathe and I told her I would text back later. I still haven't been able to and when I saw my psychiatrist this morning, she explained that she didn't feel my mom was capable of hearing me and that it seemed once again (it's been a never ending pattern) that she needed to be parented and reassured, instead of the other way around. I know she's right, but lately things have just gotten SO overwhelming and I feel so confused and alone, even around other people. I just feel like I can't keep doing this anymore and that my body will just...die. (Not suicidal, just to be clear) Sorry for all this and I don't even know if anything makes sense, I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation with symptoms and or the issue with my mom. Thank you so much and sorry again!

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome to the forum, AmandaB30! We're glad you're here. I can totally relate about all the scary feelings, and thinking there's no end in sight. There's a ton of resources here and helpful people who will listen when you want to vent. You're with people who understand! 

[Wanishin]

"lately things have just gotten SO overwhelming and I feel so confused and alone, even around other people"

I may relate to this to various degrees; especially, the around other people part.

Although my biological mother left me when I was young, and I don't truly know her; my current partner has used similar approaches, such as: I also have PTSD.

As Three Roses stated, there are a lot of people here that read and help. And more importantly, people who may understand and/or sympathize with what you are going through that I feel (anyway) others have difficulty doing -- since they haven't lived it.

[Contessa]

Hi AmandaB30, sorry to hear how rough life has been at the moment. There is no need to apologise, you are in the right place to discuss whatever needs to be discussed, there is always a friendly 'ear'. For me this forum has helped gain some much needed perspective. 

I'm not sure if this helps but I recently had an episode of severe anxiety that was triggered by something not entirely innocuous, but was also feeling some similar symptoms as you described. I suppose things could have been a lot worse had I not sought out and used  any and every medical avenue possible before completely 'checking out'. This eventually included admitting myself into hospital for immediate access to psychiatrists and psychologists (going through my GP would have meant at least a one month wait - that would have been disastrous), and medications. Eventually, when I found a good psychologist outside of hospital I was diagnosed with cPTSD. My mother did say to me "What trauma do you think you've been through?" which was the latest in a long period of  invalidation from my family, but given that is something I have come to expect I don't give too much thought or worry to that anymore.

Again, not sure if anything i've said is at all useful or a comfort, but I do understand how overwhelming everything can be. Its been a couple of months for me now, but things are beginning to settle. I do hope they start to settle for you very soon too.

[mourningdove]

Hi Amanda,

That sounds like something my M would do. Also relate to the symptoms, as you've described them. Sorry you are having such a hard time, but I'm glad you are here.

Welcome! 

[AmandaB30]

Thank you SO much, all of you!!  Everything you said was so kind and it DID help me feel not alone! I'm sorry some of you also have moms that are invalidating  I hope that as I start to let go of the hope that she will change, it might not hurt as strong as when I went through the abuse from her. I want to be able to just separate the past from NOW and be happy, even if she isn't part of the healing. Anyways, thank you again, truly, each of you! I appreciate your kindness deeply!