learning to recognize Flashbacks, EF's or what ever!

[Badmemories]

I wanted to throw out what My day was like and get your ideas on exactly what happened.. I am new at this, and trying to learn how to manage this the best way!

Today I worked on trying to finish Up and make sure I had seen all the posts I was behind on. I studied brainwashing. I probably read 50 pages. I then went back to forum and read some parts of writings, and decided to finish when I was fresher in AM. I knew I was done with the reading on MY problems. as I was anxious when I tried to read one of the last posts, and just couldn't finish it! So, I already had informational overload!  Physically I had not ate yet. I had smoked over a pack of cigarettes, I had some fruit juice, but nothing else to eat. (4:00 PM)

I needed to buy groceries for the Girls and I. I had a list in My head! My Male Chihuahua is a escape artist. He is very tricky and no matter how careful we are sometimes he escapes. I have been working on this, with the girls. To be careful when they go out to NOT let the dog go out! It has been getting better. When He gets out because he is so fast I can not catch him. He then runs wild until he is tired out! So this stranger walks up to me while I am smoking a cigarette to get ready to shop. I had GD2 with me as she has been sick. So this lady hits me up at my car asking about the Dog and how come I don't leash him.  ( we do NOT have a leash law in Our town!) She goes on for 10 minutes not even listening to me. Just ranting and raving. She is blocking the door so I can't get out... I finally get out and manage to get around her. By this time I am having a major panic attack. I am not in My body and feeling very small! My Mind is completely scattered brained. I can not remember 1 thinsg I need to get!  I try and get myself together. deep breathing, saying YOU can do this! I am trying to maintain and just finish shopping. feeling out of My body! (disassociation?)

Of course I have to have discussions with GD2 about Halloween candy etc. I get halfway down the isle and said women comes at me again saying the same thing she said before...I do not know how loud she was because I had that problem with uNPDSis in church.. and although it sounded like she was yelling she wasn't? It sounded like so loud the whole store could hear it! (heightened sense of hearing?) When I try to say anything she cuts me off not listening to a word I am saying! She continues to follow me through the store. I can't hardly move the cart! Of course every person in the whole town had to be at the store at the same time as me! GD2 is visiting with all the people she knows in the store. I am feeling very small...I am not even recognizing people I should know! I am trying to concentrate on what we needed! The lady then hits me up in the third and final aisle. By then I was crazy...I held My temper but I really by that time could not hear a word she was saying!     

I was so nervous I left My wallet on the counter when I went to get milk that I needed. I forgot some of the things We needed! Then My groceries FINALLY get bagged and the clerk asks me if I need help! I am limping around the store and can barely walk and SHE expects me to carry all the bags out! I said " I can't carry any of the heavy ones" so I take 2 and she takes about 6 and one time! Normally the store has a cart that the clerks load all the stuff on and then get them all at once! Then that pissed me off!  I may have been way off base by that time... I just don't know! I felt smaller yet! Why should I have to explain why I can't do YOUR JOB? I made it out of there!

Now I am so wired I wonder if I will every get to sleep! I did not sleep last night either because of nerves...

So Is there anything I should have said? I mean she was all up in My space! What about the store clerk? I have 2 times now that this had happened. In church with uNPDSis hauling me over the coals, and this women! I felt like she was a pit bull on My ankles that wouldn't let loose!

I am SO new at this part of recovery, and I'd really appreciate IF you'd advise me.. I need more skills!  I am trying to figure out what the trigger is/was! In your opinion what could I do to reduce this! I tried not to think about it. I tried to deep breath!

Keep on Keeping on!

 

[globetrotter]

Wow! That woman sounds like a bully. I can understand talking to you once if she disagrees with how you tend your dog cuz hey its a free country but three times is harassment! I probably would have gone off on her. And that's not a good thing.

I suspect perhaps you feel badly that she was yelling and it triggered something to make you feel shamed, or demeened. I think recognizing you may be having an EF is a huge step. I'm sorry you had  such a bad day.

[schrödinger's cat]

Bleargh, that sounds horrible. Poor badmemories!    Man, I hate such people. I agree with globetrotter. Classic bullying! The fact that she blocked your way out of your car and then followed you around says it all. Bully, bully, bully. Such people have all this unresolved crankiness in them, and the first pretext they get for unloading it: WHAM, temper tantrum, and they use you as a kind of lightning rod for several weeks' worth of accumulated frustration. Did your dog bite her? Did he bite anyone? Did he poo in her drive? No? Then what's the problem?     If the WORST thing that happened to this woman that week is that she saw an excited chihuahua run by, then I wish I had her problems, that's all I can say.

As for what you should have done... I don't know what I would have done. I mean, you pointed out yourself that such things are often a question of timing. You were hungry, and you were feeling a little raw from all the recovery work you'd been doing. So this woman came at a really bad time, if I'm getting this right. But even though you worked with such a disadvantage, you still managed to hold it together. You managed to get most of your shopping done even though this intolerable woman made herself totally ridiculous by following you about. And you were very aware (or are now) of what was happening to you, which is more than I can manage, a lot of times - I just get swept up in all the drama.

You mentioned that your unpd sister had her own tantrums, twice. Is that something that happened a lot in your family? You don't have to answer, but it occurred to me - if your sister is doing it nowadays, then maybe she did it when you were younger, too, and maybe others did it, too? Were you the family scapegoat? Were you bullied a lot? Your reaction sounds like mine when I'm faced with bullies - this kind of freezing/dissociating, inability to concentrate, everything feels irreal and you can't even pick up all the facts around you anymore. It's like a visit from the scared child I was then, who still lives within me somewhere. So maybe now's a good time to validate your Inner Child's feelings and to soothe her a bit? Can you picture yourself comforting her?

Is there any place where you can safely learn assertiveness skills? I know there are books on that, but I don't know any in English. For your sister, maybe Medium Chill might help? http://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/MediumChill.html 

[Badmemories]

@ S Cat..

You mentioned that your unpd sister had her own tantrums, twice. Is that something that happened a lot in your family? You don't have to answer, but it occurred to me - if your sister is doing it nowadays, then maybe she did it when you were younger, too, and maybe others did it, too? Were you the family scapegoat? Were you bullied a lot?

There is a misunderstanding on what I said.. ( or meant to say was) that the last time I had an EF like this was when My uNPDSis started attacking me in church. So this was the second one that I have been aware of since studying this. I do remember a few at work when I was working... I did not have a name for it then. 

Yes My sister was/does still have temper tantrums.    Yesterday I went by My house that she is living in free, and She went NC with me because she does not want to pay rent! I talked to Nephew about it last week, telling him that I was going to file an eviction notice to get them out of My house!   He tried to work me over with the guilt trip " Family does not do things like that to family!" I nicely told him ALL the things they had done to ME! That Family should not do to family. Anyway when I went by My house her and nephew were out in the yard.. I waved nicely... and she threw me the finger moving as I went by turning to face me all the way. (like someone holding a movie camera!) That was right after I had the EF!   

My Mother depended on me a lot to help her with the children under me. I think I was the Golden Child for most of My Childhood. In fact I was pretty enmeshed with her.  I went through a period where I KNEW something was not right and had her on no/ Light contact. I am not really sure IF she is NPD or not!  She seems to respect My boundaries now! She was abusive... I did put up with bullying in school from 2nd to 10th grade. I was terrorized. Actually Now that I think of it... I think I did feel the same feelings when the Women was arguing. I am going to think about that some more When My Brothers committed suicide... the current BRO became the Golden Child.   He was 6 when My Mother Married the "good " step Dad so he does not remember any of the abuse that me and uNPDSis went through. Mom divorced the BAD step Dad to me..(physical,sexual, and emotional abuse) when He was 2. I was 12. He seems pretty normal..after I became a teen then Mom would sometimes treat me as the Golden child, and sometimes as the SG.

Your reaction sounds like mine when I'm faced with bullies - this kind of freezing/dissociating, inability to concentrate, everything feels irreal and you can't even pick up all the facts around you anymore. It's like a visit from the scared child I was then, who still lives within me somewhere. So maybe now's a good time to validate your Inner Child's feelings and to soothe her a bit? Can you picture yourself comforting her?

Yes that was exactly what it felt like! At least I know I am not going crazy now! I already AM!  . This board is what is keeping me on an even keel now! I appreciate SO much what everyone here is posting! Some of it is advanced for the stage I am going through... but reading about everyone's experiences helps me to learn and open up My brain so I can truly work on MY problem!

I have been having play dates with My IC I have started asking HER what She would like to do! As a Child I did not have time to play because I was always given so much responsibility! Honestly I do not think I know HOW TO PLAY! 

Think You for Your replay and all the posting YOU do... It is really helping me to read what YOU write!    Keep ON keeping on!

[spryte]

Very long! So sorry!

Poor Badmemories! Believe me, I have had these kinds of situations too. I call them the "perfect storms" where just, everything that can go wrong does go wrong - lol.

So, I guess subconsciously, I've started doing this thing though - this sort of analysis, with situations like this...because I don't have a really good T to help me with this kind of stuff. For me, Awareness, and Identification seem to be the two biggest tools that I have been able to cultivate on my own.

So, the first thing is this - you wrote it out! That's awesome! I write a LOT in an online (private) journal. (I type really fast so I can get things down a lot faster on the computer.) Especially with a situation like this, I would sit down ASAP to write out exactly what happened, and how I felt, just like you did.

Then I would identify the first point of "unsettled-ness" like you did! You became aware that your reading was getting you "agitated". So, next time...do you need to stop reading sooner? Switch to some other subject sooner? Did you push yourself too far? (I do this often and am currently learning my own limits with this) Would it have helped if, after you did your reading, you did some kind of...thing, to ground yourself back in the here and now? (Lots of self-soothing options have been talked about on the board. For me, I have to look around, bring myself back to "reality" and repeat "I am safe. I am safe." when my reading upsets me)

(This is how we learn how to set boundaries for ourselves, in any situation. Identifying "When did I first start feeling uncomfortable? What could I have done about it then, when I was still "ok-ish"? What was the "point of no return?" What could I have done in that emergency situation?" And looking at that stuff, it's not about being able to fix it RIGHT NOW. It's more about becoming aware of stuff. First, we become aware in hindsight, over and over again. Then, we kind of become aware as it's happening. Over and over again. Then, we become aware BEFORE it happens. Slow, slow baby steps)

I would identify the other aspects  of the "perfect storm". For you, it seemed to be the reading, the smoking, the not eating.

For me, I have identified a "terrible trifecta" that keeps happening. Little, or bad sleep/not eating/too much caffeine. It's a terrible combination every single time. I can't handle even half of what I can normally handle when that happens. I couldn't handle a confrontation like the one you described, or sounds, or emotions, or children, or barking dogs or...well, I just want to hide in my house when that happens and most often, I can't. So...first, I'm working on not letting that happen. Second, because I know that it will, I'm working on a "disaster plan" for when it does. The first step was identifying when it happens. "Ahhh! I'm freaking out! I'm so anxious! What's going on???.....Oh...yeah, I slept like crap last night, it's 3pm and I didn't eat breakfast or lunch, and I've had three cups of coffee...oooh!"

Maybe keeping some snacks in my purse or at work. I know that already, when this happens, I immediately assess whatever is on my "To Do" list and if it isn't absolutely critically important - I wave the white flag and crawl into bed. If I'm at work, I do what I can, and re-prioritize things. Only the Critical stuff gets done. I'd avoid any social contact.

So for you, maybe grocery shopping could have been put off until the next day.

The Confrontation itself - this is a much more difficult thing to deal with. Can you imagine how you might have handled this if the Perfect Storm had not also occurred? Would you have reacted the same? (I know hindsight is 20/20 but realistically, was it JUST that all of those other things had happened, or would you have had that same reaction if someone on a good day had come up to you and said those things?)

Lets assume that you would have had the EF regardless of all the other stuff.

Again, Awareness and Analysis

At what point did the woman start making you uncomfortable? What could you have said/done to get out of the situation before you started feeling dissociative/small? Write it out. Write out "what if" scenario's. What if I'd done this? What if I'd done that? What were my options in that moment?

(I would say, at this point in your recovery, that the important things to focus on might be simply identifying what kinds of situations spark an EF, what it was about THIS situation sparked it, and how to get OUT of the situation rather than "standing up for yourself" or "confronting the lady back". Even as far along as I am, I am not at a point where I could say something like...of course, what we'd all like to say to someone like that..."Mind your own business. Leave me alone. Go away." You might smile and say something like, "Thank you, I'll make sure to do that in the future. I'm in a hurry. I have to go." and move away from her. And, whatever you choose to say that is non-confrontational...maybe just keep repeating it, or a variation of it, even talking over her if you have to, and continue to move away from her, even kind of pushing her out of the way if you have to. Just making it clear that you are ending the conversation. Eventually as you recover, you will feel strong enough to stand up for yourself, that's the goal anyway.)

And when you do all of this...it's important that you're not judging yourself. The analysis isn't a platform for you to beat yourself up and say, "Well, I should have done/said this, I should have done/said that." and feel bad about it. It's so that you can say, "In this moment, I was not able to react in any other way than I did. I am looking at what I COULD have done differently if I'd been more aware, able to react differently."

And here's the thing, the next time something like this happens, you STILL might not be able to do anything about it. But the more times this happens, and the more times you do this kind of analysis, the more you'll find that you can make tiny little changes..until at some point down the line, you'll realize that you made a WHOLE BUNCH of little changes, because you became more aware of them as time goes on. (You can read how that process works for me in the "process of change" thread).

And again...a Disaster plan is good to create for yourself. Because we know that this is likely to happen again, you may want to create a plan of action for when it does.

"I'm emotionally unsettled, I haven't eaten, I've smoked a lot - and I have to go to the grocery store. I'm about at my limit for challenges...I might want to write my grocery list down." - this way, if anything else DOES happen, you might have been able to just...focus on the list. Get the 1st thing, ok get the 2nd thing, down the list, get out of the store as fast as possible.

"I've identified that I'm having an EF, what can I do?" (You WILL get better at identifying them as they happen...then, later down the line, you'll get better at identifying situations that MIGHT cause them and then you can put response plans into place for those)
Can you just leave the cart and walk out of the store? (This is probably what I would have done)
Can you phone a friend? (If there's someone close to you who knows what you're struggling with, go out to the parking lot "Hey, I'm at a store kinda freaking out and I need to get groceries, you busy? Can you give me a hand?" (maybe not as possible with your GD with you)

Whatever. My disaster plans in situations like these right now which do involve confrontations of a particular kind which I've identified trigger EF's for me, is to remove myself from the situation. To put my "Everything is ok" mask on (which I've kind of perfected over the years) smile and nod, get up, and leave. Walk away. Say whatever needs to be said in that situation in order to shut the other person up, and walk away.

I know that that is a classic Fawn Response. It's a disaster plan for a reason though. That is worse case scenario, things are not going well, I am feeling myself go into an EF and need to get out of here NOW - without breaking down into hysterics and embarrassing myself, making myself look crazy. Once I am out of the situation, I can calm myself down, reassess, and decide what action needs to be taken. (Do I need to confront someone? Do I need to make a complaint? Does the situation need to be Handled in some way?)

I'm still in the awareness and analysis stage. And each time it happens, I go over it just like this. What could I have done differently? Where did I get triggered? What is that trigger connected to? How can I "deactivate" that trigger? What was the reality of the situation as compared to how I felt? How can I protect myself in the future? Awareness. Awareness. Awareness.

I have trouble with authority figures and doctors who hold some aspect of my life in their hands. IE: the psychiatrist that I recently saw who 1)accused me of drug seeking 2)refused to give me the assessment that I was there for 3)was extraordinarily condescending to me 4)kept asking me the same questions over and over again 6)then threatened to diagnose me with BPD/and or Bipolar

That situation threw me into a MASSIVE EF that ended with me crying hysterically on the floor of the bathroom at the clinic. Lots of analysis of that situation. And it wasn't the first time, so I've had time to look at those triggers. I've gotten to the point where I understand what it was about that situation that made me feel Helpless and Trapped. I had actually become aware AS it was happening, but didn't catch it quite in time...pushed myself past my "point of no return" BUT, I also saw that happening, so I ended the interaction and got up and left and got myself to the bathroom before I totally lost control. So, I had a lot more awareness in that situation than I have had prior, because I'd been analyzing the situations.

Also I was actually able to identify a situation that I was going into where it was likely that, dependent on someone's reaction, I might feel that way (the office situation that I talked about in that thing that I wrote, you might not have gotten to that part). I was able to think about that like, "Ok, if they say or do X, I am likely to have (EF) reaction. What will I do if that happens? And I came up with a plan. It didn't happen, so I didn't need it, but I felt a lot better about it knowing that I was much more aware of everything.

Ok...good job if you got this far!!!

The last thing I want to say is this: This is a fantastic example of why I really think that mindfulness practices can be a fantastic tool for recovery. For ME, it's becoming THE THING that is helping me progress faster than I was. It seems to me that the basis of c-ptsd is the unconscious. Unconscious reactions. Unconscious feelings/thoughts. Unconscious defense mechanisms. Mindfulness, as a practice, teaches us how to put space between us and all of those unconscious things, how to pay attention to what's going on, if not in the moment...then after the fact. It's been really helpful to me in learning how to become more aware of my own stuff, even if it takes me a while to identify what it is. Sometimes just knowing that there's SOMETHING going on is enough for me to be able to slow myself down enough to figure out what it is.

[keepfighting]

That woman was a bully, plain and simple. She was looking for a possible target and spotted you. Those people will do anything for attention and positive or negative attention supplies the same feelings of victory for them.

It's hard to know what to do when you're put on the spot like that but you held it together really well (not sure I could have reacted with so much composure  ).

Sorry that an incident in the supermarket brought back so many bad memories. At least, now that you've been able to deal with them on a conscious level by daylight, I hope they won't haunt you tonight as well and you can have a good night's sleep. Makes life so much easier to  bear. 

[Badmemories]

spryte I love Your questions.. I think that it will help me to use YOUR list...so I am going to write out your questions.. and reframe it to any circumstance.

Awareness, and Identification:

• Write about Your experience. Sit down ASAP to write out exactly what happened, and how It felt.  I write a LOT in an online (private) journal.
• identify the first point of "unsettled-ness".
• What  was getting you "agitated"? 
• Do you need to stop whatever is getting You agitated sooner?
• Do some kind of...thing, to ground yourself back in the here and now? example: look around, bring Yourself back to "reality" and repeat "I am safe. I am safe." 
• "When did I first start feeling uncomfortable?
• What could I have done about it then, when I was still "ok-ish"?
• What was the "point of no return?"
• Work of becoming aware of stuff.  1) through Hindsight 2) through  becoming aware as it's happening. 3)  becoming aware BEFORE it happens.
• identified the "terrible trifecta" that keeps happening. example:  Little, or bad sleep/not eating/too much caffeine.
• Work on a "disaster plan" for when it does.   The first step was identifying when it happens.
• Assess whatever is on my "To Do" list and if it isn't absolutely critically important - I wave the white flag
• The Confrontation itself - this is a much more difficult thing to deal with. 1) Can you imagine how you might have handled this if the Perfect Storm had not also occurred? 2) Would you have reacted the same? 3) would you have had that same reaction if someone on a good day had come up to you and said those things?
• At what point did You start feeling you uncomfortable?
• What could you have said/done to get out of the situation before you started feeling dissociative/small? write it out.
• Write out "what if" scenario's. What if I'd done this? What if I'd done that? What were my options in that moment?
• Focus on simply identifying what kinds of situations spark an EF
• What was it about THIS situation sparked an EF?
• How do I get OUT of the situation?
• Identify situations that MIGHT cause EF's put response plans into place for those)
• "Ok, if they say or do X, I am likely to have (EF) reaction. What will I do if that happens? And I came up with a plan. It didn't happen, so I didn't need it, but I felt a lot better about it knowing that I was much more aware of everything.
• What could I have done differently?
• Where did I get triggered?
• What is that trigger connected to?
• How can I "deactivate" that trigger?
• What was the reality of the situation as compared to how I felt?
• How can I protect myself in the future?
• Put response plans into place for those situations that HAVE caused EF's examples: 1)  remove myself from the situation. 2) put my "Everything is ok" mask on. 3) smile and nod 4) get up, and leave. Walk away. 4) Say whatever needs to be said in that situation in order to shut the other person up, and walk away.


• Calm yourself down, reassess, and decide what action needs to be taken. Examples: 1)Do I need to confront someone? 3)Do I need to make a complaint?4) Does the situation need to be Handled in some way?)

And when you do all of this...it's important that you're not judging yourself. The analysis isn't a platform for you to beat yourself up and say, "Well, I should have done/said this, I should have done/said that." and feel bad about it. It's so that you can say, "In this moment, I was not able to react in any other way than I did. I am looking at what I COULD have done differently if I'd been more aware, able to react differently."

And here's the thing, the next time something like this happens, you STILL might not be able to do anything about it. But the more times this happens, and the more times you do this kind of analysis, the more you'll find that you can make tiny little changes..until at some point down the line, you'll realize that you made a WHOLE BUNCH of little changes, because you became more aware of them as time goes on.

spryte wrote:

The last thing I want to say is this: This is a fantastic example of why I really think that mindfulness practices can be a fantastic tool for recovery. For ME, it's becoming THE THING that is helping me progress faster than I was. It seems to me that the basis of c-ptsd is the unconscious. Unconscious reactions. Unconscious feelings/thoughts. Unconscious defense mechanisms. Mindfulness, as a practice, teaches us how to put space between us and all of those unconscious things, how to pay attention to what's going on, if not in the moment...then after the fact. It's been really helpful to me in learning how to become more aware of my own stuff, even if it takes me a while to identify what it is. Sometimes just knowing that there's SOMETHING going on is enough for me to be able to slow myself down enough to figure out what it is.

Mindfulness is the main tool I use right now to help Myself also! Thank You so much for this reply!  I am going to refer back to YOUR questions when this happens to me again!

[Badmemories]

I really need help with this again! ASAP

GD#2 went into the Apartment and did not shut the outside door and went into the inside door and chihuahua got out again.  :stars:That was Thursday evening...I left the outside door and the apt door open almost all night and still he did not come back.  In AM I toke the kids to bus stop and looked and whistled to him and I still did not find him! (he usually comes to me when I whistle.) So he has been gone for 4 days now...I have been looking for him for all these days! The only way he would not come home is IF someone has him locked in some place.  It is too cold for him to be out for long now, so I know that he is locked in. Our town is very, small so IF he were around then he would come home!

The lady from * lives around here somewhere I am not sure which house she lives in.. she did tell me but in My EF I did not hear or pay attention! I am pretty sure that SHE might have him locked in! I am going crazy.. first My dog who I love a lot is missing. then the though of finding her house and asking he about him is like asking an EF to happen.. I don't know what to say to her and how to handle it...Could someone on here give me some good works actions or whatever to resolve this when going to see IF she has MY dog?

I know she thinks that I am abusing My Dog because he is getting away.. but I love him and treat him very good. He is not fixed, nor at this point do I want to have him fixed...She has a female chihuahua who is NOT fixed and Is in heat (she told me that) He is current on all his shots and everything...I am just worried sick...which makes it even harder to get out., and talk to her!

Help ME PLEASE?

[Rain]

Call your vet's office for advice, Badmemories.    They will know how things go in town.   They will know whether or not to contact "animal control" and since it is a small town, they likely know about the "lady from h-e-l-l"     I would not jump to conclusions that she has your dog, Badmemories.   I had a pet gone for several days that was accidently closed in someone's garage when they closed the door.

Ask if there is someone at the vet's office, or someone they know, that can help address the current issue on finding your dog...and, they may have a solution long-term on your little escape artist.

[Badmemories]

Thank You rain.. we do not have a vet in this town.. we do not even have a animal control person. IN fact we don't even have leash laws or any other laws concerning pets!

I just need some good words to go and ask her IF she has my dog! That is what I am struggling with.. what to say and do?? How to get Myself psyched up to do it especially after  she caused me to have an EF in the store.  I am afraid of that happening again! I also have the fear of authority... and that enters into this also!

[flookadelic]

Badmemories, that is a woman with major mental health issues of her own. Her behaviour said more about herself to everyone present than it did about you. Fact.

I'm not surprised you dissociated with the background of church stuff. My parents called them "admonishings" and gave me a nice preamble about Christian duty and all that piety that excused them for giving me grief because I used the word "lucky" rather than "blessed" - and with no personal space whatsoever. I mean, their faces were about a foot away from mine as I tried to force my body through the wall I was backed up against or my head through the back of the chair on which I was sitting.

I abhor confrontation as my first instinct is to go small, go invisible. I have learned other more assertive behaviours but it is really hard to avoid the first and not slide into a jumbled mental incoherence of EF's.

As a friend of mine would loudly say if he saw her in action "imagine being married to that!" Someone gets that abuse on a daily basis. It is certain that it's not just you but the whole bloody world that's her problem.

I used to work with the homeless and had a similar character causing trouble for my clients. I rang the police and described her. They told me that she had created untold amounts of hassle for them over absolutely nothing.

I can't expect miracles from myself at the time. But what I have taught myself afterwards is some quiet time, post event, for some love and compassion towards the hurt and the confusion and the self-doubt, to see them as wounds in need of healing with compassion and not enemies in need of bombing.

My dearest froot, you have my heart on this one.

[Charlotte]

I like to imagine a solid, spacious bubble around me and the aggressive persons words hit it and ricochet back out into the sky.