Fathers Day

[The Moon Hare]

Its fathers Day as I believe most of you will know that.

My husband decided to go see his dad today, and I know he never feels comfortable about been around him and so I didn't understand why he wanted to go.

Apparently he arranged it all and then told me I was going. I didn't feel comfortable either as we have 2 dogs and his dad is NOT a dog person. I told my H I wouldn't be going. Yesterday I could tell he was NOT happy as I needed food , but he wouldn't take me to get some. I don't drive and no shop is near enough for me to walk.

Anyway I knew that he was upset as he doesn't handle his emotions well, but today he did something that hurt me so badly. He started to taunt me about my inner kids in a really unpleasant way. I told him to stop but he just kept going. I know he is screwed up about seeing his dad but it was his choice, he made all the arrangements and then expected me to come.

I feel so much hurt inside as last night I was working on things with my inner Kids trying to put boundaries down etc and things were going well. Obviously he had a meltdown and the emotional attack on me was horrible, It will take time to get over it.

He can have a go at me, I can take it, but the way he attacked my inner kids was just too much for me. I have said often about a divorce but he wont go there, though if he is that unhappy why wont he let me go ?

[Three Roses]

  Hugs to you. A "meltdown" doesn't excuse his abusive behavior. You have every right to not go where you do not want to go!

[The Moon Hare]

Thank you Three Roses for the  and I agree it doesn't excuse how he treated me. I think that is that is the worse I have seen him and if it gets worse I will have to get out, though with no money I have no idea how I will do it, but will X that bridge when I come to it...

[arpy1]

MoonHare, i was in this position five years ago. i ended up leaving with nothing but a few bits of furniture and my personal stuff.  but i am testament to the fact that even without much resources, i am still here, settled in a little (well, tiny, but hey  it's fine) flat, and i am surviving, and i feel like have a chance to start to heal. it was the hardest thing i ever did, but i am so glad and relieved that i did. i have cptsd, but i am not in an abusive situation any more and have no contact with all the toxic people who so damaged me.
just wanted you to know that if the worst does come to the worst, you will survive and have the space at last to heal and flourish.

[Sienna]

The Moon Hare,
Im so sorry to hear that. It sounds abusive to me.

Not taking you for food...hummm.
Taunting you about your inner children, too vulnerable. Too deep. Too personal. That is your core. Im guessing that you tried to protect your inner children by put them away inside of you, never letting them out, so that you did not get destroyed by the people who were hurting you.
And now he is trying to hurt you deep to your core. Not ok.

I told him to stop but he just kept on going.-
Not respecting you. Not respecting how you feel. Not respecting the boundary you just put up when you asked him to stop.

He should have respected the fact that you did not want to come with him to his dads.
If he was trying to get his fathers validation by going , even though he didnt want to go...its not ok for him to take whatever happened with his dad out on you.
You didnt cause the problem!

A lot of abusive personality types dont like boundaries.
He has broken your trust. He made you feel unsafe. You were unsafe.
It will take time.

He cant let you go perhaps because he needs you. Cant be alone. Likes to hurt others to make himself feel better...there are many reasons.

I feel for you. Its painful and hard and un trustworthy and rage worry being in a relationship like this.
I was with a man who hurt me very much and i could never let him near my inner children.
He threw me out in the end (he was a narcissist only i never knew).

You do not deserve this and the hurt, I'm all too familiar with.
We are here for you, whatever happens next.