Possible DID?

[Alice97]

I'm starting to wonder if I might have a form of Dissociative Identity Disorder. It feels really weird to say that because I've always associated that disorder with people who hear voices or who have many alters who have separate, extreme personalities. But then I read in a post on here that someone's therapist mentioned they might have DID, but that they didn't think they had it. I guess I always thought DID was really obvious, and really crazy or out there.

I started researching the disorder a bit more the last few days, and took one of those online screening tests, and I scored way higher than I thought I would. But I know that's not a thorough, diagnostic test, just an indicator that I maybe should get evaluated for the disorder.

Anyways, I'm going to write down a few of my symptoms that make me wonder if I might have DID, maybe someone will have some insights for me. The main reason I doubt I have it is because I don't ever completely become someone else. I'm always in touch with reality, even if I do feel detached. I don't have any times where I change personalities so much that I have large chunks of time that I lose. Ok, so here are some symptoms I found online that I have:

*I act very differently in different situations. I try to mask that I'm acting different so people don't notice, but I do feel like I'm acting with a different personality.
*Sometimes I spontaneously find it easy to have conversations and be social.
*I frequently forget whether I did something or just thought about doing it.
*Not recognizing myself in the mirror (knowing it's me, but not recognizing myself)
*Frequent depersonalization and derealization
*Sense of fading in and out when listening to emotionally difficult material
*Presence of symptoms of childhood abuse even when there is no memory of it
*Frequent experience of jamais vu (as opposed to déjà vu). Familiar places or things seem suddenly strange or different.
*Lack of pain when there is psychological reason for it
*Difficulty remembering sequence of events

Does any of that sound like DID? I don't feel like multiple people, but I do unintentionally change who I am to an extent depending on the situation. If anyone has any input on this that would be great. One more thing I want to note is that I am a Freeze type, which I know is more prone to dissociation.

[Three Roses]

gosh, i just don't know, alice. i have a few of those symptoms myself so i'd be interested to hear what a licensed therapist would say about them. keep us posted?

[Alice97]

gosh, i just don't know, alice. i have a few of those symptoms myself so i'd be interested to hear what a licensed therapist would say about them. keep us posted?

I'd love to have a licensed therapist's opinion too. I will definitely keep you posted, I really want to go get a professional evaluation eventually, but that's probably not going to be an option for at least a few months.

[mourningdove]

The main reason I doubt I have it is because I don't ever completely become someone else. I'm always in touch with reality, even if I do feel detached. I don't have any times where I change personalities so much that I have large chunks of time that I lose.

I think this might rule out DID, unless you are losing time and not realizing it. If your dissociation is severe enough, it might still qualify for OSDD-1 (formerly DDNOS-1), though.

Disclaimer: not an authority on this in any way. I've just read a lot online, because I think that OSDD-1 might describe what I'm dealing with. It's confusing, though, because significant dissociation is expected with C-PTSD anyway (though obviously not as much as with the complex dissociative diagnoses like DID or OSDD-1). But then again, C-PTSD itself was originally conceived of as containing the complex dissociative disorders (as described in Trauma and Recovery), but maybe that has changed?  Sorry, making myself dizzy here...

[Alice97]

mourningdove -

Thanks for your input, after doing more research I agree that it's probably not DID. And yes, some dissociation is expected with C-PTSD. I just wonder if there's more to mine sometimes because seems way over the top. I've been "out of it" (to varying degrees) for at least 10 years, even when I'm not particularly anxious. But I guess that's probably just Depersonalization or OSDD-1.

[Danaus plexippus]

Jamais vu? Trust the French to have a word for it. Familiar places or things seem suddenly strange or different to me if I just turn around. I blame that on the Neurontin.

I act very differently at work than I do at home alone with my cats. That's just basic coping skills.

I made a list of things to put in my bag before going to work and this very morning I forgot my phone, but I remembered my meds!

I fade in and out all the time even when I'm trying to listen to something important to me. Another instance of psych med induced ADD.

Not recognizing myself in the mirror happens every morning, than I wonder what the * happened to me.

I've had difficulty performing functions in their proper sequential order for the duration that docs have had me on Neurontin.

I have lack of pain here and there but that's because of damage to my spinal cord.

The "DID list" sounds like the warnings that can come attached to almost any psych med.

I avoid "do it yourself" diagnoses. Like a lawyer who defends himself, you have a fool for a client.

[mourningdove]

I avoid "do it yourself" diagnoses. Like a lawyer who defends himself, you have a fool for a client.

That might be true sometimes, but not everyone has access to professionals and not every professional is competent.

[Alice97]

Danaus Plexippus -

Sorry you experience all that, it sucks. I'm not on any medication at all so my symptoms have nothing to do with side effects. And just to clarify, what I posted is by no means a complete list of DID symptoms, just some that came to mind off the top of my head that I experience on a regular basis. And yes I agree that a "do it yourself" diagnosis is generally a bad idea, but like mourningdove pointed out, I really have no way to go to a professional right now, and I'm not even sure if there is a trauma specialist in my area who would be competent, so for now I'm trying to research some stuff on my own to help ease my mind that I'm not going crazy. But yeah I'm not going to claim to have a for sure diagnosis of PTSD or DID or anything else, I just want to learn about what could possibly be going on in my brain.

Thanks for your input.

[Danaus plexippus]

Sorry to have hit a nerve. The part of my brain that stops me from saying everything I think is out to lunch. If I were to pathologize myself, I'd have to cop to impulsivity. Even if you can't afford a psychiatrist, there may be a support group you can join. I was in group for months before I ever got to see a psychiatrist. Are you willing to be medicated? Many people are afraid (with good reason) of P meds. If all you really want to do is develop better coping skills, group therapy is the better option.

[Alice97]

Sorry to have hit a nerve. The part of my brain that stops me from saying everything I think is out to lunch. If I were to pathologize myself, I'd have to cop to impulsivity. Even if you can't afford a psychiatrist, there may be a support group you can join. I was in group for months before I ever got to see a psychiatrist. Are you willing to be medicated? Many people are afraid (with good reason) of P meds. If all you really want to do is develop better coping skills, group therapy is the better option.

That's OK I'll definitely look into joining a support group. I hadn't thought of that. I don't really want to be medicated - I've heard a lot of horror stories about how it makes things worse. But if there's no other option I'd be willing to consider it.

[The Moon Hare]

I have wondered too if I had DID as not only my ex but my husband too saw how I changed and I know others saw it too, that I would act and talk like a child. I can still dissociate pretty heavily at times, hence I don't drive. My voice no longer changes, at least I don't think so.... but I am so used to how I sound.

My Husband said I was DID Light and maybe I was but looking back I wonder ? My husband knows when my kids are out as their behaviour is very different from mine.

I wished now I had gone to see a DID therapist but somehow my husband persuaded me not too.

I remember one time with my ex I was looking at toys and he said I looked and acted like a child. I thought I was just been me but I wasn't.

[Danaus plexippus]

Sorry you don't drive. Otherwise I don't think anyone should pick on you for acting like a child. You're not hurting anyone are you? A lot of people never grow up at all. You just have an occasional episode of playfulness. Except for the no driving thing, I don't see a problem. Tell anyone who does not appreciate you as you are, you are willing to go to therapy if they PAY FOR IT!   

[The Moon Hare]

I miss driving as I used to back home (UK).  No  I don't hurt anyone, its not my thing and acting like a child which i didn't realise has pretty much passed, though sometimes my voice will change. Thanks for the support, its appreciated