Realizations about healing...and victimhood

[artemis23]

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[movementforthebetter]

I don't have much to add to your post. Incredibly well said and I will be re-reading it from time to time as a reminder to stand tall. I have also had friendships that are toxic and it feels like taking off a too-heavy coat in spring to realise it and maintain the right distance.

Thank you for this post. 

[radical]

Thank you Artemis.
This is very valuable to me.

I'm working on myself, and there is a temptation to believe that because I was abused by a number of people (and it was me rather than someone else), there might be something I can change in myself that will stop me "attracting" abusers. This is subtly different from outright victim-blaming myself.  But the fact is there are abusers all around.  Abusers abuse. That's not on me in any way.

I've always felt uneasy with the "survivor" rhetoric and all that implies.  I think this is why.  An irrational belief in control.  If we recognise abuse and believe we are not to blame and that we deserve better, we be wary when we see red flags, or we can get away.  (Some people can't because they are rendered, or just are powerless for some reason - very young, very old, etc.)  But we cant change the fact that there are many who abuse.  We can't become unabusable.  To be human is to be able to be harmed by abusers.  Imagining otherwise is a form of victim-blaming.