What do you do if the person doesn't want to give up on you?

[Wanishin]

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Two weeks in letting my partner know that I won't ever come back, I have been using the repetitive suggestion that was given (which coincided with what my psychologist told me to do as well). Summary: I tried to make you happy, and it makes me sad that I couldn't. That's why I am letting you go so you can find someone who can make you happy. That person will not be me. (Or something along the line of.)

But my partner doesn't want to "give up" on me. And has continued to use gas-lighting against me (blames my perception on my PTSD) or is using a lot of "my past relationships" and how "I was abusive". I have a particular difficult time with the false accusations, that I believe come from being a child as an original point of issue (my parents always blamed me for wrongdoings).

I can say that I have kept communication with my partner to a strict minimum. I go for nearly a full day without replying to one of her 60+ texts a day (I sometimes wake up to 30 to 40 texts waiting). And I am being accused now of being abusive because I give her the silent treatment and that I am abandoning her.

I guess, I am looking for reasoning. I feel very guilty because I feel like I am doing these vile things to her and I am very sad and frustrated with myself because I know deep down that if I give in, I'll end up in the same spot as before.

[Danaus plexippus]

60 + texts a day is abusive. Block her! Block her now!  You don't have a $#i+ chance in * of getting over her if you keep seeing this onslaught of communications from her. Hovering isn't even a sufficient word for what she is trying to do to you. This N has set her hover to SUPER SUCK!

Give up on you? BS! She does not want to give you up! She should have thought of that before she $crewed you over.

Talk about this guilt crap with your T. No matter who's right or wrong, this is a toxic relationship and it needs to come to an end for both your sakes.

BLOCK HER!

[Three Roses]

Danaus is correct! Block her, so you can stop responding. You're feeding her need for drama and control.

Good luck to you! Be strong! 

[Wife#2]

 

She doesn't want to work with you and keep you, she's not done bashing you! That is my uneducated opinion, of course. But, geesh! Why on Earth should YOU stay with a person who is treating you like this?

It does really sound as if she's possibly uBPD/N/pick a PD flavor, pulling some of the stunts I hear about on Out Of The Fog. This sounds so very  much like 'I hate you, don't leave me!!' so common among PD folks.

Ok, you spoke with her as gently as you could, inviting her to find real happiness with someone else, since you didn't feel you could provide her the happiness you think she deserves. But, she hears that you are abandoning her and that this is just more abuse? Do you see the disconnect between the reality and the perception?

Please take Danaus's advice and stop all contact. Don't read another text, don't answer another phone call. You cannot make her happy, about that you are very correct. Nobody deserves to be treated the way she is treating you, even after a breakup! This may sound harsh, but it isn't that she 'doesn't want to give up' on you, it's that she's not done draining you dry and she wasn't ready to discard you when you broke it off with her. It wasn't on HER terms. (And I wrote this before finishing Danaus' post - we both agree on what is being done to you).

It's a case of 'We're not through until *I* say we're through, got that?'  At least my gut is telling me that, based on what you said and what you said was her response.

[Dutch Uncle]

I think it's time to change your tune to: "You do not make me happy, so buzz off. What? You are making me very unhappy. I don't want to hear from you again. Not 60 times a day, not 6 times day, not 6 times a week, not ever anymore."

IMHO, your therapist gave you a bad advice. In any case it backfired for sure.
You are not breaking off this relationship so she can find happiness, but so you "can find someone who can make you happy. That person will not be me" her.
You're not the Noble Knight who is giving her the chance for happiness with somebody else. You are giving yourself a chance.
And the 60 texts a day well proof your point, no mistake about it. That is not a life.

You want her gone? Say so to her. Don't pass it on as a favor you are doing to her. Pass it on for what it is: a favor to yourself. Be honest, be open, be yourself and be the heartbreaker. Be strong. You don't want her, period. Say so.

[radical]

Hi dutch Uncle,
I'd agree that honesty is the best policy with healthy people.  But she is not remotely reasonable so it's just damage minimisation, imo.
Definitely time to block, wannishin.  You've said all you need to say.  It's over.
Sorry it so awful.  She doesn't know where you are I hope?

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi dutch Uncle,
I'd agree that honesty is the best policy with healthy people.

True that.
To ignore her and go NC is probably a better way to deal with it.
But "the repetitive suggestion that was given" to say this is for her benefit should be dropped IMHO. It isn't true, and she knows it.

So I'd like to amend my previous post, Wanishin: stop telling her that. And yeah, radical is right, you don't have to start being honest now. Just block her and go NC.

[Wanishin]

Thank you. I will block my partner's number.

And yes, she does know where I live, but you need a code to enter the building. And it's a few miles away from town.

[Danaus plexippus]

You're still calling her"my partner" please address this in therapy.