I am proud and I am alive

[kbell]

So, other than a brief response to 'triggered meme, I am new here.  I am amazed that so many people with this problem talk about it.  Amazed and a little jealous, as it seems like it must be refreshing to unload so much emotion.
To my point though. While I seem to find that many of my 'coping mechanisms' are condered unhealthy forms of avoidance and repression, may I just once state unequivicably that these same unhealthy crutches saved my life and my sanity more times than I will ever relate? When exactly is the moment that they stopped being my strength and became what cripples me?
I am strong,I survived, that's all that matters. This mantra got me through my first several years post-trauma. In the many years since, I feel as if what was my only positive identity, has since been shredded by my being told that this was avoidance of the issues and my refusal to delve in and reopen made me weak not strong.
I concede that there is a point to that mindset. Perhaps a better point than mine. My point being that I survived. I am alive. I am relatively functional. The mental methods I used to stay alive and and unbroken cannot be all bad. I feel I should be allowed this small piece of pride and strength, as it is the only part of me that was never broken.
Thank you and please remember survivor pride isn't just for cancer.

[Three Roses]

Yes! Our coping skills got us through hard times, and we're out on the other side still kicking!

I may have problems relating to others but for the most part I like me! I'm glad I've done what I've done to bring the measure of peace I do have into my life. Yes, for sure, some of the coping skills I used are now more like dysfunctional habits ... but there's time to look at them and decide which to keep, which to lose.

Welcome and thank you for reminding me of this.