ACOA just realizing I have C-PTSD

[hopeforhappiness]

Hello Everyone,

I'm a 27 year old female and I'm really glad to be here. For the first time in a long time, this has enabled me to feel some sense of hope.

To make a long story short, I was drawn to this site, because after rattling through my history with anxiety and depression with a new psychiatrist today, she suggested that I might have "complex" PSTD. I had never heard of it, and had always just thought that what I suffer from is panic attacks, agoraphobia, and/or the result of a specific fear I have. However, in reading these posts as well as the general description of Complex PTSD, can relate to all of the experiences of you folks. Right now I feel a mix of emotions - excited that I can pinpoint the problem, but also terrified about what this might mean for me.

To provide some of my personal background, my mother was an alcoholic and my father a hoarder; the latter was also violent at times to me and my siblings (I'm the youngest of 4). My earliest memory is that of having a panic attack, and I have felt extremely anxious most of my life (alternating between chronic and acute forms of anxiety). I have had more panic attacks than I can count, and am extremely afraid of vomiting  for some unknown reason.

A few weeks ago I just moved to the Bay Area from the East coast where I have lived all of my life. I had to move because my fiance started work here, and the transition has been incredibly difficult for me. I am very depressed and anxious - more so than usual. I and am also trying to finish up a PhD that I am completing remotely and not formally employed as a result.  I am a recovering alcoholic with 9 months of sobriety as of today.

I look forward to getting to know all of you and your experiences. I'm really glad this exists.

[Three Roses]

Welcome to our forum! We hope you enjoy it here and that we can be of help somehow.

I also was drawn to this site after a diagnosis of ptsd; further research led me to complex ptsd which made more sense.

I was unsure what it all meant but I found a couple of really good places to start looking for answers. Pete Walker's book "Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving" and Bessel van Der Kolk's "The Body Keeps The Score" led me to feel that I wasn't the only one struggling with these issues, and helped me feel a sense of validation and belonging for possibly the first time in my life. (Last I checked, the latter was on YouTube to listen to in its entirety.)

In addition, Pete Walker also has a website, pete-walker.com that is a great resource.

I'm still learning but now I have more hope than in a long time. Hopefully you'll find the same! Good luck and welcome to your future. 

[Kizzie]

Welcome to OOTS Hope, and congrats on nine months of sobriety.      I am an ACoA (my F), and didn't realize I had CPTSD until a couple of years ago either as no-one really talked about trauma in the ACoA groups or literature at least when I used to go.  There is one book out now about "The ACoA Trauma Syndrome" by Tian Dayton so the connection between trauma and living with an alcoholic parent is being made finally.  I suspect we will begin to see more ACoAs here in the years to come. 

A lot of us can relate to feeling excited/relieved to finally know what it is we're dealing with, and scared on the other because it is a complex disorder but having a therapist and coming here are two really great steps toward recovery so you are on your way 

Glad you found your way here and I hope you find the site helpful 

[hopeforhappiness]

Thank you both so much for the warm welcome, and for the resources! I ordered the book and started watching the Youtube video by Tian Fayton. Knowledge is power!

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hopeforhappiness
Thank you for posting - it helps me too
I relate to 'I have felt extremely anxious most of my life '
I too have put down the alcohol ( 6 yes sober through AA - congrats on 9 mths is so good - and drugs and now food ( FA and it has unearthed my what I now call fear ...
I remember feeling so scared as a young child

I too have just moved and I was in so much fear and felt out of control - but have settled down now this past few days and fear is in its right place -- moving is one of the big stressors for anyone let alone someone with cptsd but you will get through and feel safer in time I'm sure

This forum is so supportive and the books already mentioned I have purchased

Take things one day at a time and know growing is what we are doing and have a real chance at loving ourselves and being functional and happy
I wish u all the best