Anger receding...

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Contessa

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Anger receding...
« on: July 07, 2016, 02:40:35 AM »
Hey all,

Thank you for your interaction with me over the past several weeks. I've noticed that my anger has reduced quite significantly of late, and it feels so good to have that weight reduced. Its been that devil on my shoulder for a few years now. My mind is clearer, and i'm starting to handle life just that bit better. The most positive thing is that I am now better able to evaluate outward expression of that anger, and identify how justified it is in particular situations. Hopefully I can keep this up!

Discussions with you have helped immensely. Very grateful to have found this forum.
Contessa
 :sunny:

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Three Roses

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Re: Anger receding...
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2016, 03:32:14 AM »
I've benefited tons from your posts & insights - I'm glad you're here!

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Contessa

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Re: Anger receding...
« Reply #2 on: July 07, 2016, 04:13:36 AM »
Aww thank you Three Roses. I was not expecting that  ;D

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radical

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Re: Anger receding...
« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2016, 04:15:55 AM »
Hi contessa, and everyone,
I was interested in what you said about anger being a devil on your "shoulder" because when all this blew up for me, I was overwhemed by a rage that consumed my whole body.  Eventually, it abated to being on my shoulder, I felt physically as though it stayed on my left shoulder ready to leap back into me at the slightest infringement.  It's not there now, and I'm ambivalent about that because, I fear not noticing when I'm being manipulated or insulted in the moment.  I didn't rage in response when it flared, I usually didn't do or say anything, but I was so aware.  I'd been so oblivious to people treating me badly, until the person's behaviour became utterly outrageous.  I fear things getting out of hand again.

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Sweetsixty

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Re: Anger receding...
« Reply #4 on: July 07, 2016, 09:49:17 AM »
Contessa just wanted to say in the few interactions I've had with you you've been very insightful and supportive.
Something to feel warm about not angry. :hug:

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Contessa

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Re: Anger receding...
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2016, 12:04:12 PM »
Sweetsixty, thank you. Its very good to know. I think its just nice to finally feel heard. Before this forum, and before the anger, I felt like I was shouting from the rooftops for help but very few cared to listen. Those that did could not help.

Radical, for me I used the devil as a metaphor. The anger built up and then converted into rage at a point or two. Such a horrible feeling to experience. But then it just settled into anger that went through various levels of severity. The dormant volcano is a great analogy. It was always there bubbling away, sometimes settling, and sometimes flowing over. But always, always there. As a measure of self protection I never gave anyone an inch, and at times i'd rumble and burst. Yes I had the right to be mildly annoyed at times, but anger was too extreme a feeling. My actions and words became kneejerk, and I would let whoever was in the way know what I thought. Holding it in was horrible. Such a loss of control.

What you say radical, about having a fear of not noticing when you're being manipulated or insulted, that is a thought that also crossed my mind. I'm hoping that this present ability to stop and think, rather than furiously reacting, might help with addressing anything inappropriate in a calm and considered manner (and in the meantime not upsetting others). I hope it will also let me see what's worth ignoring, letting go, not worrying about, addressing, fighting... rather than just straight out fighting.

I'm hoping that what I have experienced can provide the wisdom to see things better, and make more sound decisions than before. I can let it be a fear, or I can forge on ahead and give it a go. Either way it has to be done. Because anger does not and will never work. Right now I have the chance to leave it behind so I have to take it :)

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Contessa

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Re: Anger receding...
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2016, 12:20:36 PM »
Oddly enough, over the last few years I've been saying these words to myself a lot. They never calmed me down as I hoped, they just acted as a point marker along the Force continuum. Sigh.


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Sweetsixty

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Re: Anger receding...
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2016, 04:22:01 PM »
This made me smile Contessa as  before my ill health retirement I worked as a University Lecturer and one of my mature students once brought me a model of Yoda and said I wanted to give you something to remember me by and this is how I think of you as my own personal Yoda. He added "not as in 3ft tall, green and living in a swamp but as my personal mentor who's helped me see the right questions to ask".

It was touching and lovely and every time I see Yoda I think of him.

I just wanted to add to this for you that I mentioned to my T that my son told me once "you are frightened of life Mum". It really upset me and I berated myself for ages wondering what I passed on to him.  But my T's answer was "but his life hasn't been scary, your life was scary and at times very frightening anyone would be frightened in that situation, yours is a normal response to an abnormal situation from your childhood".

So always remember that and although I'm proud that you now stop and think always be compassionate to yourself and allow for that fact. Your anger is not always about them it can be about you, so spare a thought for yourself on this journey. 

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Contessa

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Re: Anger receding...
« Reply #8 on: July 08, 2016, 12:21:56 AM »
That's very lovely. Little things - pun not intended - are the things with the biggest meaning.

I saw you were a lecturer in another post, which is very impressive. The thought of possibly being a lecturer scares me, ha. I feel safer teaching.

Wise words. Thank you Sweetsixty, will keep it in mind.