Wish I had a resource like this when I started my recovery!

[phearial]

I found this site after a search for "Complex PTSD". It's been a number of years since I've read the list of symptoms and I specifically wanted to refresh the distinction between C-PTSD and PTSD in my mind. I felt compelled to write after reading it. Journaling has been a crucial part of my own recovery process, but there is something to be said about sharing; especially in the later parts of recovery. Specifically gratitude and pride. I am proud of the work I have done and thankful for it, yet I have no outlet with which to express it.

I was impacted when I read of the symptoms of C-PTSD which I once keenly felt daily; grief bubbled up like ripples in a reflecting pond. I remember vividly how murky those waters felt and I've spend the last eight years plumbing those depths and pouring myself through them to cleanse and un-dam them. Once there were tsunamis from the raging storm in my life, huge tremendous crushing waves, engulfing, suffocating, drowning, unending; filling every room in the house I grew up in with feelings that were not my own. I have achieved a great measure of peace and stillness since then and I have attained a depth of self few seem capable of grasping or understanding unless they've been through what we have.

My chronic abuser was my uBPD/uNBP bipolar mother who was worst during my foundational years and my non-BP father was unable to protect himself let alone me. I am twenty-seven years out from when my abuse was the worst as a child. I am twelve years out from when I first began to be crippled by the symptoms of C-PTSD. Ten years since I cut her out of my life. Nine years since those symptoms overtook me and forcefully ejected me from my college experience and eight years from when I started intensive professional therapy and I began my commitment to recovery. I now look forward to the future and creating a life for myself now that that I have a self, capacity, and growth required to care for it.

For me, recovery was inevitable and inexorable once I started it. When I finally made that connection to myself, it guided me to all the nooks and crannies where I hide my pain and grief for so long and insisted I tended to it with fervor and tenacity. The wisdom and serenity gained was worth the pain, effort, and time of recovery. Thanks for reading.

[papillon]

  Glad you found this community! We welcome your voice and insights, and grieve along side with you.

As someone closer to the beginning of this journey, I'm so thankful to hear your perspective. My therapist is also an abuse survivor... it always helps me to hear & see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Best

[Three Roses]

Thanks for your post! It gives me hope.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome to OOTS phearial    Very glad you have found your way here. That's great that you would like to share your experiences and insights about recovery as it sounds like you have worked hard and are doing well.  Hope is powerful so the more members who can testify to the fact that there is a way out of the storm, the better!   I too have found that the 'silver lining' in this disorder is finding "depth of self" and a much richer life than I would have ever thought possible given my past.  I could not have imagined this two short years ago when life was truly just about surviving the storm inside.

 

[moony]

"For me, recovery was inevitable and inexorable once I started it. When I finally made that connection to myself, it guided me to all the nooks and crannies where I hide my pain and grief for so long and insisted I tended to it with fervor and tenacity. The wisdom and serenity gained was worth the pain, effort, and time of recovery. "

Beautifully written and most hopeful for me to read these words. Thank you and welcome.