hyperalert to unsafe people

[Alice97]

I'm wondering if anyone else with PTSD has this same experience. For the majority of my life I have been an expert people-reader, and that skill or curse or whatever it is has only gotten more pronounced with time. By people reading, I mean that I can tell within a minute what someone's mood is and whether they are a "safe" person or not. And most of the time I'm right. Sometimes I do make the mistake of not trusting my gut though and that almost always gets me into trouble. I used to think other people's intentions were obvious to everyone around them, but have discovered that most people I know are "slow" (I don't mean that in a derogatory way) in reading others. For instance, I can tell 3 weeks in advance when my F is covertly brewing and going to blow up. I can tell when he switches from his 1-3 days of superficial happy mode to sullen, angry mode, even though he is still putting on a good front on the outside. I can easily tell when he's lying, hiding something, insecure, manipulating, or playing any of his other narc games. Nobody else seems to see it until he is obviously raging. The same goes for other people I'm around.

So my question is, is it typical of PTSD to become an expert at reading people? I feel like I'm constantly scanning people to see if they are "safe" and how I should act around them. One of my biggest flaws is adapting according to who I'm around and how "safe" I read them to be, but anyways... Does anyone else's PTSD cause this? Is is hypervigilance or intuition or what?? Sometimes I wish I was a little slower. I hate seeing the bad in toxic people and not being able to do or say anything about it because they are good at faking goodness with their actions. 

[Three Roses]

I've had this ability since my childhood. I'm not sure if I was born with it or developed it very early, but I remember consciously "scanning" people - their posture, hands, and facial expression - more than I listened to what they said. I even took a personality test that told me I had this ability (Myers-Briggs) which I thought was funny.

I'd be interested to hear what others say - my guess is that lots of us can do this, because we had to read people to survive the day.

[Contessa]

That's an excellent question Alice and i'm not sure how to answer. It could be a mix of intuition and hypervigilence (nature and nurture). It could be that you have learned to listen to your gut more so than others, an acquired skill based on experience that others have not had.

I don't know, perhaps that is a question to ask a therapist. I'd love to know some other ideas.

[Alice97]

Three Roses - I always test as an INFJ on the Myers Briggs test, so I know that being highly intuitive is in my nature, but I still wonder how much of that is nature vs nurture as Contessa said. I also think that if I'm by nature highly intuitive it might have made me more sensitive to being hurt deeply by the traumas in my life, thus predisposing me to PTSD but that's all speculation, I really have no idea. Either way it can be a blessing and a curse, and I'm curious how common it is in people with PTSD, so we'll see how many others have input on this topic.

[Contessa]

I also think that if I'm by nature highly intuitive it might have made me more sensitive to being hurt deeply by the traumas in my life, thus predisposing me to PTSD but that's all speculation.

That's something i've wondered about also.

[samantha19]

I definitely do this too. I never used to be very good at it, as I constantly had toxic people in my life, but as I began to learn about abuse and left my ex I began to get quite obsessive about it.
I scan so many people for traits of narcissism, mainly romantic interests and men who are very talkative. I've been right about people a few times, and other times I'm over worrying I think, but it's hard not to be cautious - maybe I'd rather be. 

[Sesame]

Alice, I'm also an INFJ and often have feelings about what people are like before I really know them. Even though I'm often convinced to brush it aside by my inner critic or people I trust enough to share my thoughts with, I'm often proven right eventually. Even if it's not always in the way I expected, they often prove that they cannot be trusted one way or another.

[Sceadu]

I agree with many of the statements in this post.  I am an extremely empathetic person, able to intuit and read other people's emotions.  (I don't always respond appropriately when I empathize, but that has to do more with fear of failure and social anxiety.)  Other people's emotions are extremely vivid to me, especially anger.  It seems sometimes like another person's emotions can be so strong that they can hijack my emotions just by being near me.  I'm an INTP, by the way.  I also think that my temperament has contributed to how easily I am impacted by trauma.

I have also had this ability since I was a child, and the thing I am most sensitive to is volatility, i.e. the feeling that another person's mood can change instantly.  For example, I just spent a few days of my vacation with some of my parents' friends, one of whom is known to be a moody and volatile person.  He triggered me so much I could barely look him in the eye.   I think this was adaptive during childhood, because with my high level of sensitivity, it took very little to traumatize me.  Often adults with egocentric views of situations, the ones who view children's misbehavior as an affront to their authority or a challenge, are the ones who snap and respond most angrily.  Even seeing other kids disciplined in the grocery store by adults who yell at them or hit them triggers me, and did as a child.  I literally feel the adult's actions as if they are disciplining me, probably more than the kids do sometimes!

I dated a guy last summer who was a volatile individual with a lot of masked rage and a hair trigger.  I never felt safe around him.  I began to use one of my two typical responses, fawning (as described in Pete Walker's work), to compensate for my lack of safety.  His opinions on people and ideas shifted quickly and with scant evidence, and he could be angered by a tiny slight.  I knew in my gut that he would turn on me if I made one wrong move, and I was right -- that was exactly how the relationship ended.

[sanmagic7]

i am one of the hsp's (hyper-sensitive people) and do believe there is a correlation between that and being traumatized more easily than others.  i can 'sense' from a person if i want to be around him/her or not, often at first meeting.  having been forced, for lack of a better word, to be in an extremely abusive situation for more than 30 years, i suffer horribly now as i struggle to heal.

i also believe there is a link of some kind between creativity and hyper-sensitivity.  it's as if creative people can feel, sense, view something in a different way from those without a strong creative bent.  like creative brains are more open to differing perspectives, perceptions, viewpoints, etc.  but, in the midst of the challenges of healing, my creativity remains alive and well.  how does that happen?  and, when i think of the creative geniuses of the past, most of them either died quite young or suffered from some time of mental/emotional illness.  frida kahlo, in terrible pain most of her life, kept painting through the pain. 

there is something fascinating to me about the whole sensitivity/creativity connection that i believe exists.  at the same time, it's horrible - a blessing and a curse.  just my 2 cents' worth.

[SweetFreedom]

Feeling you guys on this 

Yeah, it's a confusing one because this ability is probably a pretty normal human thing to do that has become turned up by the necessity of our life experiences. I know that they say in Personal Development that 'the self is always coming through'-- meaning that we cannot help but transmit our state and others do in fact register it. Maybe in this way, we are actually the more normal ones who have chosen not to ignore the incoming messages we get about other people? Perhaps those who ignore this have conditioned themselves out of it? I don't get it-- it seems like a generally great ability to have. I like it when I'm a sharp & high functioning human. Clearer perception is generally better, IMO.

But that's the trick of it all-- making sure that we are perceiving clearly. Coming from a background of trauma means that our 'map' of the world is not always accurate. It becomes a little easier to project on others, and for me, this has been a big area of learning: being a bit more 'logical' in my perceptions and responding to what is actually happening in front of me rather than getting carried away with my jumpy projections of who this person might be. When I'm "logical", I have less EF's. I respond more cleanly. And I actually feel more grounded and trust myself to deal with a challenging situation appropriately. This is all per Pete Walker's recommendation in his CPTSD book. And if I really don't like / trust a person, I get away. Fast.

At the same time, I trust my gut. And if someone's shadow is gonna cause problems, I tend to know pretty early on. The thing I wonder about though is if I'm too focused on seeing people's shadow. Seems like up until recently, if I tuned into it, I would draw more of that person's shadow out unconsciously. I think that this is part of the volatility of relationships thing-- I think people do act a little weirder toward me. But then again, I'm a littler weirder toward people too, so I'm probably feeding it. When I assume the best, or at least I assume that I can handle the other person, things tend to go better.

The other thing to remember is to cut people some slack-- I'm a freeze type, so I tend to really do the "black and white", "people either are/not safe" thing in my head. And there's a large majority of people in our culture with varying degrees of need for mental and emotional healing. We have A LOT of unresolved people out there, most of whom are just trying to do the best they can given their situation, and are generally okay if perhaps they are not perfect. Good enough is good enough!

The sucky part of hypervigilance is that it can lead to full blown EF's really easily, and is terrible for your health (all that cortisol!) in the long run. If I'm too hypervigilant, I get jumpy and dissociate if I'm not careful.

[Elizabeth Jack]

Yeah, I can read people to.  It's almost creepy.  I also test as INFJ.  But it isn't just unsafe people for me.  I can see so much about people, and places in a brief interaction, and it's overwhelming.  A friend moved into my apartment complex, and I made her a wall hanging that perfectly matched her color scheme, and style, when I had only been in her apartment one.  time.     When I was younger I could only read other females, but I can read men to now. 

[writetolife]

I read people almost obsessively and (i think) accurately, too.  Even before I had a word for it, I just assumed it was my hypervigilance.  After all, when you spend your entire life up to date, trying to figure out when someone is going to explode, you learn to get good at seeing small changes in people.  That's an interesting idea that part of it might be intuition.  I'm also an INFJ.  Someone up above said something about being able to pick out perfect gifts.  That's an experience I have.  The gifts and the person just...feel...right.  It's like the gift and the person give off matching vibes.  That sounds weird, but I don't quite know how to describe it.

I'm really interested in the concept that our natures might make us more susceptible to experiencing the effects of trauma long term.  For me, it's like I take in more information from a situation than a lot of other people do - in the form of implicit attitudes, feelings, expectations, etc. - and then I get stuck with those.  They sort of overload my ability to reconcile competing ideas and my ability to use the new information.  I'm sorry.  That probably doesn't make a lot of sense.  I'm still trying to work in out in my head.

[2Spirits]

For me it's the same - I'm constantly scanning my surroundings and am hypervigilant. I have no proof, but my guess is trauma is a good reason to become hypersensitive. If I always have to know the mood and intentions of the people around me, I train my natural sensitivity to a hyper degree. Sadly, I lose my own moods and intentions out of sight.

This said, i guess trauma also leads to concentrating on the dangerous side - if I look at people, i rather think of "what's potentially dangerous". I'm trying to think "what's potentially nice or funny" instead, because constant anxiety is not good for interpersonal relationships, though.

[Angelica]

I agree with many of the statements in this post.  I am an extremely empathetic person, able to intuit and read other people's emotions.  (I don't always respond appropriately when I empathize, but that has to do more with fear of failure and social anxiety.)  Other people's emotions are extremely vivid to me, especially anger.  It seems sometimes like another person's emotions can be so strong that they can hijack my emotions just by being near me.  I'm an INTP, by the way.  I also think that my temperament has contributed to how easily I am impacted by trauma.

I have also had this ability since I was a child, and the thing I am most sensitive to is volatility, i.e. the feeling that another person's mood can change instantly.  For example, I just spent a few days of my vacation with some of my parents' friends, one of whom is known to be a moody and volatile person.  He triggered me so much I could barely look him in the eye.   I think this was adaptive during childhood, because with my high level of sensitivity, it took very little to traumatize me.  Often adults with egocentric views of situations, the ones who view children's misbehavior as an affront to their authority or a challenge, are the ones who snap and respond most angrily.  Even seeing other kids disciplined in the grocery store by adults who yell at them or hit them triggers me, and did as a child.  I literally feel the adult's actions as if they are disciplining me, probably more than the kids do sometimes!

I dated a guy last summer who was a volatile individual with a lot of masked rage and a hair trigger.  I never felt safe around him.  I began to use one of my two typical responses, fawning (as described in Pete Walker's work), to compensate for my lack of safety.  His opinions on people and ideas shifted quickly and with scant evidence, and he could be angered by a tiny slight.  I knew in my gut that he would turn on me if I made one wrong move, and I was right -- that was exactly how the relationship ended.

RELATE DATED THE SAME GUY he triggered me and I triggered him and it was a nasty merry-go-round--Empathetic here too, and yet I can be screaming at myself or quietly telling myself t his is a bad situation, but I still walk into it. . . then I get to re-practice my appeasing or (fawning) response--Its like its so ingrained in me that I seek it out despite my instincts telling me otherwise, I sure feel broken and damaged.  I guess the blessing of late is that I'm noticing myself doing it.  that's is surely progress ,