whoa! a reality check just brought me way down. help!

[sanmagic7]

i just took that piper narcissistic abuse questionnaire, and i thought i was so much farther along than it shows.  and, it just tumbled me down into the basement, where i haven't been in awhile.  i suppose i just have to wait it out.

maybe my damage is even more than i suspect, maybe i've been fooling myself into thinking i've come a long way from where i was.   maybe it's because i'm in the middle of battling with my husband for the right to be me, just the way i am, for the right to be treated kindly when we're out in public.  he is usually kind when we're alone, asks me for favors, or if he wants something done, but as soon as we're out in public, or there's someone else around, he changes his voice tone and begins commanding me to do things.  it's really unsettling.  i don't see him as a narc, but he is from a different culture, and i live in his country.  still, i want to be treated in a kind and caring manner no matter where we are, who's around, and i'm battling for this, but, dang, it's wearing me down.

i'm wondering if this could have had anything to do with completing the piper abuse survey, if it could have affected how i answered, and then discovering that i have a lot more red areas than i expected.  i thought i was doing so well.  now i feel like i just got thrown in the toilet.  ugh!  was this a reality check?  a brick to the head?  or a temporary result of being in this battle at this time.  i just don't know.  any opinions are welcome.  i feel horrible right now.

[movementforthebetter]

It sounds like you remember that the moods are temporary, which is huge. Give yourself props for that.

Setbacks are so dissapointing, especially when you grow up believing nothing less than perfection is acceptable. I'm sorry you're hurting. 

I honestly think that the score could change depending on your mood when you take it. Some days are more optimistic than others. Hang in there and stick with your work. You will see improvement!

[sanmagic7]

thanks, movementforthebetter!  that was very validating and comforting to hear, and i really appreciate it.  i am feeling better today, after more discussion with hubby.  plus, i showed him the list of emotional abuse, and he was quite blown away.  there's really so much here for both of us to digest in our relationship.  i've been familiar with some of this for a much longer time than he has.   at least, he is looking at what i give him, and he is working on it.  i'm awfully grateful for that.  so, yes, little by little, step by step.  even if some of those steps are backward!   the support here is invaluable.  again, thanks.