Thoughts on Aging, Family, and Our Species

[Jdog]

I have been thinking a bit lately about my station in life and about ways it may or may not relate to a larger picture of where many of us are at this point.  At age 57, an only child with no surviving parent and limited connection with other family (other than my spouse), I often feel disconnected from the many people who have larger families and who connect with them daily (in person or on social media, which is a thing I also don't do).  Obviously, I value connection or else I would not participate in this forum.  But I do feel somewhat set apart, a kind of observer at the edges at times.

Layered on top of this, I just finished reading The Sixth Extinction, by Elizabeth Kolbert.  It is a fascinating read, scientifically, and gives a lot of info about hypotheses of causes of past extinction events beginning 450 million years ago and going to the present day.  Change is inevitable, as we know.  The changes that we humans are part of and which are shaping our environment are notable for the extremely fast rate at which they are preceding, much faster than any prior changes.  So fast, in fact, that Earth's plants and animals have no time to adapt and thus get wiped out before they can further evolve as a survival strategy.

I guess for me, the striking thing is that I also feel that things around me are quickly changing and leaving me with a feeling of overwhelm at times.  It's partly nostalgia, and partly a sense that my dependable systems and strategies no longer apply.  Very odd feeling, this.  Meanwhile, all of the work I have done on myself over the past four years bolsters my sense that it's ok to be different, that my unique contributions to the world matter, and that I don't have to go around trying to please everyone. 

So, in the end, I will need to keep learning how to find myself over and over in this sea of uncertainty.  Maybe that is true for most people.  It just feels very "real" to me today.

[Three Roses]

"I often feel disconnected from the many people who have larger families and who connect with them daily ... I do feel somewhat set apart, a kind of observer at the edges at times."

Boy, can I relate! Sometimes I wish I came from a large family. Although my friends who have, tell me I'm not missing anything

[Raingirl]

I often think about how small my family is and we don't really connect much.  I have one brother who is sympathetic to my abusive stepfather and it makes contact with him hard. 

I do stay in touch with my mom.  The thing is that it reminds me of all the years she stayed with my SF. 

However I have figured out that as hard as it is at times, I am glad to have connection with two people of my family of origin:  my mom and another brother.  I still try to reach out to the other brother who is unsympathetic to the long-term consequences of abuse.

I saw your post and related to it and wanted to say, hi and I heard you.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, rain girl!  happy you're here

[Jdog]

Hi, Raingirl and thanks for chiming in!  Yes, connections can be difficult and also good to find times to be thankful for what is actually working ok within families. 

Three Roses, I hear the same thing for friends who come from large families. Sometimes, it's easy to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.  Just another lesson in learning to appreciate what we do have, rather than wishing for something different constantly (at least as far as the functional parts of families).

[Amadahy]

I came to this site as someone who is experiencing very strong CPTSD symptoms from childhood abuse.  I also come as a poet, mystic and person learning to mother myself.  I *also* come as a HSP who intimately, strongly feels the planet's distress.  Your writing really resonates layers-deep; I printed a copy to ponder.  Later today, I hope to spend time in my white pine thicket thinking, writing, and letting nature work her magic as I breathe deeply.  Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for the seeds they have planted in my own heart and mind. 

[woodsgnome]

Jdog wrote: "...in the end, I will need to keep learning how to find myself over and over in this sea of uncertainty."

Yes, and the commitment is daily, as your tag line at the bottom of your posts reminds. I recently experienced a recurring depressive crisis where the overwhelm threatened me. I can't adequately explain where my mind took me without posting a trigger warning, so I'll back off the full skinny. Suffice to say it had me on an edge of hopelessness beyond despair.

While hoping the crisis will not pop in again, I now accept that it can, but resonate with your "keep learning" comment as a guidepost when it seems I'm veering off course again--but also without knowing any obvious new options. There might not be, or are hidden, and that's scary; then the challenge is to "fall in love with where you are", as a favorite author put it. Sometimes sudden unseen triggers collapse the careful safety net one has relied on. And even then, the tag below Amadahy's post--about the crack allowing the light in--is most apropos.

Thanks, Jdog. What you say, about commitment and (re)learning--that's how it's done.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Amadahy! We're glad you found us.

[radical]

I relate to the sense of alienation and also to reflecting on how my own circumstances and those of my family are part of a wider context.   Humanity, and all of the planet's ecosystems are so tragically vulnerable.
I've pulled right out of all my previous political involvements because I can only try and save myself right now, and looking at the bigger picture, and feeling so powerless was adding to my overwhelm.  It feels horribly selfish, but it is the only thing I can do right now.
Sometimes I fear what I'm turning into, I'm turning inwards and putting myself first at the very time that it seems we all so desperately need each other, and to do the opposite.  Sometimes it just feels like nihilism, and that it is leading me down a dark path to nowhere.

[Jdog]

Radical-  au contraire, in my experience taking care of the self is always the most important thing.  Without adequate self care and proper building up of one's defenses, it is impossible to be there for anyone else either (much less the entire planet).  I would urge you to try and view your need to take care of yourself in a slightly different light, and realize that often it is when we are kind to ourselves that we can then find the connections we want to make with others on the planet.

Also - I want to thank everyone for the kind words you wrote about my thoughts.  It surely does take a lot of trust to believe that we will keep being able to pull ourselves out of the darker places at times.  Keep believing.