untriggered

[Contessa]

This may seem like a strange question, but one of my biggest triggers over the last few years... now does nothing.

Music was a massive trigger for me, but for the last couple of weeks i've not only started playing music willingly and incessantly, but have started singing and dancing to it again. So in actual fact, its not doing nothing, its bringing me joy again.

Not that i'm complaining, its a huge leap forward. But I don't understand this. Can anyone shed light on this strange occurance?

[woodsgnome]

Maybe it's as simple as that easy to say/harder to follow through on observation that goes something like "step towards, not away, from your fears"? It's something I resist, probably because I overthink the consequences of previous disasters.

But I've noticed that when I can just let go of expectations and assumptions, that sometimes the after-effect is something like "that wasn't as bad as I thought" filters in through the crack in my rigid defensive armoring. Somehow this happens--not as  often as I'd probably like, but still a work-in-progress I guess. Un-learning takes loads of patience; the flip of that, of course, is frustration.

Maybe a key is the unconscious part, not really knowing, or caring, anymore how a recovery step happened but so appreciative and wonder-ful when it happens. Analyzing the why, though, runs the risk of hitting on the old triggers you speak of.

I'm pretty musical, as well. But I learned music initially within an overall abusive environment and it too triggered me. So I gave it up for several years until I fell into another way of playing that touched and soothed my soul. The pull of the new possibilities finally overcame the fear of the old. At least in this part of my life, I've pretty much cleared the associations I used to have with the music...it's almost as if that was truly another person's life now and it doesn't matter to me now.

I hope this better, though surprising, development continues to solidify your bridge to healing. Knowing 'how' this started can be left behind as you enjoy the beauty of the present.

[movementforthebetter]

Perhaps you've fully grieved a certain aspect of your life or reframed something surrounding music so that it no longer triggers you. It might not even be directly related to music itself. What a joy to be able to welcome music back into your life! 🎶

[Contessa]

Maybe a key is the unconscious part, not really knowing, or caring, anymore how a recovery step happened but so appreciative and wonder-ful when it happens. Analyzing the why, though, runs the risk of hitting on the old triggers you speak of.

Good point Woodsgnome. Been so caught up looking for answers and reasons that I forgot about just living in the moment. You're right, was worried that one day i'll go right back to being triggered as mysteriously as it has ended not thinking that I could just go and bring it on myself. Ha.

Movement-f-t-b... it is absolutely wonderful! It used to be my outlet in so many ways, especially for my initial trauma until a nasty so and so destroyed my music... it is a real wonder that its come back maybe I have finished grieving