Rather be alone

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, T3b+

[obscured]

"I have this human need to connect with others that I just dont feel capable of doing"

I feel this statement keenly. I only feel I can connect when I am there for others. If I need someone to be there for me I cannot handle the fear of the possibility of rejection or indifference, so I don't build trust with anyone or if I have done in the past it is very easy for this trust to be eroded.

I work as a carer and because of my codependency I am very good at my job. I struggle when people run me behind time because I need to be assertive. I dislike dealing with the management.

I have more or less abandoned any hope of a close friendship or a long term intimate relationship. This is a bit of a glum place to be but I have been sucked dry yet again and I am trying to recharge the batteries, so to speak.

Thanks for sharing your truth, it has helped me feel less alone. I'm glad you have found hope since your original post. 

[radical]

  Hi Obscured,

Welcome - I haven't seen you around before, so I'm guessing  you are new.

I know what you are saying about connecting with others via giving to them but not feeling able to receive, and fearing rejection.  You are in good company here.  You are not alone.

I'm working on changing my way of being in the world.  My new year's resolution will be to ask for help and favours, force myself to.  It sounds like you've been walked over and taken advantage of, it very often goes with the territory and can lead to a downward spiral.  Don't despair of meaningful relationships.  This can be turned around.  Just think of the three most obnoxious people you know.  Do they have relationships with others?  If they can, good, caring and sensitive people like us can!  That's my philosophy.

I'm glad you have joined us and hope to hear more form you.  I hope you don't mind me sending a cyber-hug because I feel for you.