Abandonment Dreams

[Kizzie]

So I don't have nightmares per se, but I have always had dreams filled with anxiety and last night I had one about my H abandoning me. It makes perfect sense if you're someone with CPTSD and are just recovering from surgery as I am.  I am quite dependent on him as I recover and he has stepped up happily to step and fetch, soothe my tears and hear my fears so why the dream? 

It is what I fear most - that this man I have known and loved for 40 years has been hiding his disgust and disdain of me all these years (I know crazy right but that's CPTSD for you), and when I really need him he will turn his back on me.  That's what happened in my NPD FOO - I would think things were OK and then my parents or B would yank their love away, turn out the light on me and I would have to figure out what to do to get it back.  Its the whole rejection and abandonment legacy and it rises up when I am under a lot of stress and very dependent.

Anyway, horrible dream and I will never forget the look on his face at he looked at me and basically turned out the light on me - just like my FOO did over and over again.     Awful and sad and scary and when I woke up I wanted to get out of bed and chase the feelings away but I didn't.  Hard as it was I let myself feel them, looked at them square on because I know how important they are to validate.  They tell me what I felt like as a child and why the trauma is still with me as I am about to turn 60. 

[Three Roses]

  I can relate. I've never had a problem with nightmares, but my dreams these days are unsettling. I guess my sleeping mind is busy working out puzzles!

[Twinkletoes]

I've just read this post, sorry I know it is old but I could have written it myself. I hope my response offers you some comfort of knowing you are not alone.

I suffer from abandonment dreams too. Regularly. One dream a few months ago was so awful, my T abandoned me in my dream, when I wrote about it the next morning this was the end sentence "I felt utterly devastated. I wanted to die". I was clearly very in touch with the pain then.

In another dream recently I was abandoned by my mum (though, she did actually abandon me in real life (emotionally) so not a huge shocker that it was her.

It is so, so very hard for us to trust. Even if we "know" we should. It isn't our fault, we can't help it, its because we've been so terribly hurt and let down. Thinking of you. Be kind to yourself x

[Kizzie]

Sorry to hear you both have abandonment dreams too - not surprising though is it?

I had an issue with my NPDM yesterday (we're LC vs NC so her behaviours still seep into my life to an extent), and lo and behold last night I dreamed about being abandoned by my H again.  Very disturbing in one way - I could feel the fear and pain, but revealing in another - I am deeply afraid of abandonment/loss and for a very good reason.

In the situation yesterday with my M she abandoned my cousin who had just learned her own M only has a few months to live, in favour of getting some attention for herself from my cousin.  She did this over and over to me growing up and as an adult until I figured out what she was doing.

So the situation with my M arises during the day and boom I have an awful abandonment dream about losing the one person I love the most in this world - doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what the dream really relates to. 

Is there anything positive in this?  Well, kind of.  I don't know that I could acknowledge this fear when I didn't know I had CPTSD or that my FOO were/are NPD'd. And when you can't see/feel it consciously, you can't deal with it. I do think that now that I am revealing my fear in my dreams hopefully I can deal with it more openly and it will decrease, fade over time.

[livcurious]

This is my first post as I just found this site, but I related so much with this post I had to comment. One month ago my husband asked for a divorce and last night I had a dream about him abandoning me. It was intense and I woke up in such a horrible emotional funk.

[Three Roses]

Hi and welcome, liv! Glad you have joined us.

So sorry you're going through such a rough time. We'll be here for you.

You don't say if identify with having complex ptsd. Are you thinking you may fit the symptoms?