Telling people what's going on

[caroline]

How do you decide who you can trust with this kind of stuff?  I am feeling really strong urges to tell everyone whats happening just now (since assessment on Friday) but know that this goes totally against my usual way of thinking.  For 1, it would be potentially dangerous i think, being vulnerable like that.  Also might make me feel ashamed later/after, and could also be met with a bad/unwanted reactions.

So why would i be wanting to tell everyone? What's this all about?  The really mean bit of my mind is saying it's because I'm an attention seeker who just wants people to feel sorry for me etc.  Is that true?  I don't know.  It's very different from my normal way of just wanting to keep things quiet.

Hope I'm not posting too much, just feel a there is more of a chance to be understood here and not feel too ashamed about all the questions.

[movementforthebetter]

I had a massive need to tell people when I started opening up and I think others here have as well, so it's probably very normal. We are owning our pasts for the first time and it is monumental for us.

I contacted friends I hadn't spoken to in years, non-abusive ex bfs, an ex-coworker, and current close friends. I related differing levels of detail. I was very lucky in that I picked well and no one has used what I said against me to my knowledge. But in hindsight a couple of the friends and the coworker weren't really appropriate people to tell. Their promises to reconnect have gone unfulfilled, and that's ok. I don't know if I would ever trust anyone in my family though, probably not.

[Wife#2]

Caroline,

You just got a name and a possible answer for what you've been going through! You've been validated as a human being with your own feelings and your reality that is true. That's big news! In the same way a person who's pregnant wants to tell the world, you want to SHARE YOUR NEWFOUND KNOWLEDGE - this thing, this set of feelings, it has a NAME! Something can now be done! Hope is back!

Of course, you want to share, that's not selfish or attention-seeking. Not the feeling of wanting to share! I think you also proved that you're not crazy, by seeing that perhaps telling everyone is not the thing to do.

Maybe your inner critic is worried that her time is short. So, best to derail this hope RIGHT NOW. Send in the clowns (fear, suppression, denial of self).

Please allow me to encourage you to keep on with this good path! If you have any close friends or relatives that you can share this with safely, then do it! Let it be the secret behind your smile for most folks. It's true, talking about these very personal situations is very difficult, deciding who's safe even harder. I've over-shared and regretted it. If the relationship was 'only skin deep' before, it's probably not a great idea to share. But, that friend who knows EVERYTHING about you - if one exists for you - THAT is probably someone you can trust with this.

So tell inner critic to zip it. You deserve to celebrate hope and it's not selfish to want to share what feels like such big news with EVERYONE! I wish I could tell you who you can trust. It's different for each of us. Now, rest assured that you haven't 'posted too much', I don't think that's possible! If it was, they'd have kicked me off for exceeding MY limit months ago!

[caroline]

Wow, guys thank you so much!  I'm feeling a bit of a mess just now, and will hopefully be able to return to this soon, but just wanted to say thanks for the input.  I feel a bit more 'normal' for having read your messages to me 

[MaryPoppins]

I'm feeling the same way! You're not alone. I've been having to remind myself to slow down and think seriously when I have the urge to tell someone. Usually, i have to urge myself to make a decision more promptly, so this desire to share is new.
For me, I think I want to tell people because I want to be understood. Those I'm wanting to tell are mostly people who have been affected by my symptoms and didn't understand why I was acting weird. I didn't understand until now that I was having EFs.

[Ren]

I had the same light bulb experience as I posted above under "caretaking" but it didnt' always go down well.  The critic of others was a worry.  Still, I do know more now and bad responses are theirs to own.  I feel okay saying PTSD now, but people do have a thing about "mental illness" and don't know enough to be kind sometimes.
So my critic worries that they will not "get it" and off I go again............