[Dee]

Survivor526,

I have never heard that (you're comparing your insides to someone else's outsides), but I like it. 

And you are right.  When I put another person in my place I don't feel they are inferior to her.  In fact I think the opposite, they are such a strong person to be sitting with her.  I have an appointment today and I will try to keep this in mind. 

Also, I do really like my therapist.  She doesn't act superior and doesn't look down on me.  I am the one who looks down on me.  She is warm and compassionate.  She is also a very balanced person.  One thing that I think leads to my feeling on inferiority is she projects such confidence.  Sometimes I think it is hard for me to distinguish confidence from being superior.  Perhaps there is jealousy going on as well.  Somehow I seem to dismiss all my accomplishments and focus on hers. 

She does bring in her life sometimes, I think to model behavior.  She sometimes talks about the equal relationship between her and her husband.  I believe she does this because my ex husband was so controlling, there was nothing equal there.  I think she tries to show me how it can be.  I need to not think of how she chose better than I did, and take the lesson at hand.

Thank you all, I'm working on it.  I don't think this is something that will resolve overnight.  It is something I need to keep reminding myself. 

[Survivor526]

I think that since we weren't taught to be kind to ourselves, (quite the opposite in most cases), it's a big challenge to learn to be nice or even fair when we see ourselves. My T has me do a lot of mirror work in order to develop self esteem.  It's no magic pill but it is helping me. Have you done any mirror work yet?

[Dee]

I don't know what mirror work is.  So that would be no, I have not done mirror work.

[sanmagic7]

survivor, i thought that was beautifully said.  and, so very, very true.  i've often said to a friend - reverse that.  what if it were me in that situation, what would you think of me?  getting outside ourselves like you suggested and viewing ourselves as if those doubts, flaws, fears, etc.,  belonged to someone else can be mighty powerful.