It's Time ~Trigger

[Rain]

Hi pps!   Glad you are here!   And, I'm glad '*' ain't bad for you.    I'm laughing.

I'm shaking my head on your father.    And, I have to admit, I laughed on the word "rapid" in that CD set he bought you.   This is not "rapid" your making your way out of this past trauma you went through ...CPTSD land now!    I'm sure you know that.   

Perhaps my path in healing is different than others here at OOTS, but I sure did need to back away from family of origin (FOO) to heal ....realllly reduce contact with them.   It is like trying to learn to play a new piece of music while the old music is blaring in the next room.   Can't do it!

I hope you can get some distance even from your seemingly "well meaning father"

The analogy I use for myself with the CPTSD bunch of symptoms is a cord that has been knotted up into one big wad after years of that crap you, I and others here went through.   The knots have to get loosened up all the way around the ball of knots, then more loosening, and so on.   Lots of different areas of our life got hurt (each a knot, with each wounding).   

So, some of it is cognitive, some of it is relating, some of it is inner critic work, some of it is inner child work, some of it is checking in as to how our body feels, and so on.   A ball of knots that IS quite possible to untangle and straighten out the cord.   We may still have a few kinks in the cord when done, but hey ...who doesn't?

A therapist sounds like a great idea, pps!!   Way to go!    And, maybe set aside those CDs (unless your therapist loves them...ha!)

Maybe grab a copy of the Pete Walker book.   Start your Journey.   We will be here on it too!

[Pixelpixiestick]

Thanks rain! My dad lived hundreds of miles away when I was growing up, but he saw the woman pull a knife out on him, in front of a good friend of his as well. I just don't know how to handle or understand him most days. He knows I went through *. Sometimes, he cries about how he should have gotten me away from them when I was young. I know he holds guilt and shame, but I can't be okay over night, especially without therapy. This forum has helped tremendously already, and I'm so surprised that I've been on here everyday. I lose interest in things quickly, but I'm not discouraged from this site.

[Rain]

Welcome pps!  I do know what you mean on the 'losing interest' ...that will change with time.    Just keep in mind that you have, or are, coming out of a 'war zone'

As to your father, he does sound kind.   But, please do keep in mind that he has also said some hurtful words to you lately.   Emotional and psychological words that mean to hurt leave wounds.   And, from reading your intro, you have many......

If emotional wounds could be seen, you would automatically know to back away from anyone else adding more wounds.   But, that is the difficulty with emotional wounds.   We cannot see them, so it is natural for everyone to minimize it ...yet, emotional abandonment is the very core issue we ALL have in common here at OOTS.

So, your father is responsible for his own healing.   Oddly, the stranger that you will meet as your future therapist may very well have your best interest in mind, your healing and emotional well being, like you've never experienced.   Your father may appear different to you later.    You do not exist to protect any of your family of origin.   They were supposed to have protected you.    Protect yourself now.   Learn to love yourself ...you really, really deserve it.

It is easier to see a forest from the distance ...for a while ...than being in the middle of the forest.

Soak in the support here.  Give support to others.  It is what we do for each other here.   

[Pixelpixiestick]

Rain, you're right. My father has his own healing;however, I can't put myself back into another battle that's not mine. Today I found a new trigger, and I did as you guys said, I stopped, took a deep breath, and reminded myself that I'm safe, that the pain isn't bring caused by something that I'm currently experiencing, and to enjoy my surroundings and what I'm currently doing.

It's hard to explain to non CPTSD parties that everyday is tough in it's own way. There's new round triggers, some debilitating, some that are more easily overcome. One thing I had always done that was counterproductive was suppressing my emotions, fears, and happiness.

I'm going to buy that book, and I've been reading his articles online. I'm excited to have hope my partner is being very supportive as well and extremely encouraging

[schrödinger's cat]

               

[Rain]

Yeah, pps!!!!!   Way toooo goooo!!!   Cat's Party and mine too!!