Vexed "recovery"

[Vexed]

I came across a post here that mentioned somatic memory so I googled it. I came across several things that caught my eye and was tempted to keep notes but decided against it due to household privacy. Then I remembered this place and thought it might be good to keep notes here. This is where I start: https://www.psychotherapy.net/article/healing-trauma-somatic

"Suzanne's array of emotional and physical complaints is typical of autonomic dysregulation. Dysregulation shows up in basically two extremes: stuck "on" and stuck "off." The former can manifest as anxiety, panic, mania, hypervigilance, sleeplessness, dissociation, attention deficit, OCD, emotional flooding, chronic pain, hostility/rage, etc. This is the sympathetic branch of the nervous system, responsible for moving us out of danger. When traumatic material is unprocessed, the residual activation keeps a person locked in a constant state of readiness and reactivity. The client has an ongoing sense that 'something bad can happen at any moment.'

Being stuck off shows up as depression, flat affect, lethargy, exhaustion, low impulse/motivation, chronic fatigue, dissociation, many of the complex syndromes, low blood pressure. This is the parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system. In a healthy state of functioning, it is designed to bring the body back to rest and recovery after surges of sympathetic activity. When it goes awry, the system slows or shuts down too much, or "depresses" itself at the slightest trigger."

Well, that's me! The list: anxiety, panic, hypervigilance, sleeplessness/sleepiness, dissociation, attention deficit, emotional flooding, chronic pain, depression, flat affect, lethargy, exhaustion, low impulse/motivation, chronic fatigue, dissociation, hostility/rage. I learned that some of the PTSD information changed three years ago too. I would now be specified as having PTSD with a subtype of depersonalization/derealization, as well as having the complex variety. Am I really this much of a mess?

This particular article ends as follows:
"In the SE model, we consider our work to focus on resolving the strategies for coping with nervous system dysregulation. This dysregulation can occur as the result of trauma, but may occur even in the absence of specific traumatic events—early attachment issues, for example. What is primary to us is to restore the nervous system to a natural state of regulation. To this end, SE is well integrated with many modalities of therapy, adding richness and depth to other methods that may have a more primary focus on the emotional or cognitive aspects of experience. What is most important about the SE way of working with a client is our focus on the physiological, the sensations, the body."

I wonder if anyone has a trauma map of the body, like if your knees hurt you most like experienced AB or C. I guess it doesn't matter right now. I'm kind of avoiding the fact that I've been numb for over 24 hours now, which is completely unlike me. I should feel devestated but I feel nothing at all, nothing. Well, Ishouldn't say nothing. All I feel is bodily reactions so I know I'm detached. I am mentally sluggish, slow, and feel light headed, intoxicated, and sometimes dizzy. My head feels heavy and I'm sleepy. It's so pronounced that It's surreal. Why do I have to have so many issues around sex and social judgements/humiliation? Well, I'm done with this tonight.

[Three Roses]

I'm sorry to hear that you're upset - but glad you're gaining knowledge and insight.

I think it's important to realize that unless you're a health care professional you shouldn't attempt to diagnose, and even if you are, self-diagnosis is never a good idea. You're not really a "mess" - you have some symptoms in the present from the way you were treated in your past.

Somatic memory is covered quite a bit in both the books I've read, "CPTSD: From Surviving To Thriving" and "The Body Keeps The Score" (audiobook https://youtu.be/Q9Nlrtq4mi4). There are therapies geared toward helping your brain and body recover, that include things such as yoga, Tai Chi, etc.

EMDR will also help the patient re-experience trauma in a controlled, clinical setting, where you can identify which body part is affected by the trauma, which (as I read it) tends to be from the initial trauma and not necessarily the area of the brain. For instance, when I'm in an EF, my back, neck and shoulders are tense ("armoring", readying for an attack).

Breath is also important in recovery -
"This is where a bottom-up approach to therapy becomes essential. The aim is actually to change the patient's physiology, his or her relationship to bodily sensations. At the Trauma Center we work with such basic measures as heart rate and breathing patterns. We help patients evoke and notice bodily sensations by tapping acupressure points. Rhythmic interactions with other people are also effective - tossing a beach ball back and forth, bouncing on a Pilates ball, drumming, or dancing to music." (from TBKTS)

Great idea about posting here for privacy!   Several of us keep online journals here.

Happy hunting! 

[Vexed]

Thank you very much, Three Roses. I appreciate the information and encouragement. I will listen to that audio book today!

[Vexed]

I'm drinking my morning coffee while reading through material I never finished last night and come across a statement that stands out and triggers sadness in me. I've been numb for a bit now, but this broke the spell! Why?

"Contempt can sometimes be more traumatizing than physical abuse. It is a toxic cocktail of verbal and emotional abuse, a deadly amalgam of rage and disgust. Rage creates fear and disgust creates shame in the child in a way that soon teaches her to refrain from crying out, from ever asking for attention, and before long from seeking any kind of help or connection at all."

[Vexed]

http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-abuse-definitions-signs-symptoms-examples/
Emotional Abuse Signs and Symptoms-
Emotional abuse symptoms vary but can invade any part of a person's life. Signs of emotional abuse include:
    Yelling or swearing (Emotional Bullying)
    Name calling or insults; mocking
    Threats and intimidation
    Ignoring or excluding
    Isolating
    Humiliating
    Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim

http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/emotional-psychological-abuse/emotional-bullying-and-how-to-deal-with-an-emotional-bully/
What is Emotional Bullying?
An emotional bully might:
    Name-call, tease or mock
    Use sarcasm
    Threaten
    Put-down or belittle
    Ignore or exclude from a group
    Lie
    Torment
    Gang up on others
    Humiliate others