Feeling horrible when i wake after dreams.

[Sienna]

Hi everyone,
Just a question...

I slept all day. Woke up at 4.30pm. Thought this would happen. I have always overslept, and i knew last night that i wouldnt wake up to my alarm, and i have no reason to get up, plus, I'm exhausted.
At weekends, i hate waking up, - always did because weekends felt empty.
Now, i have know one to spend them with.
My X isn't here. (I'm in a refuge). I had to leave my *friends* as i felt they were hurting me and were not real friends.
I am pushing away the supportive people i had (and i don't know if its me being me, or if its due to what they are doing- or both)

I feel...the only way i can try to describe it is...like I'm experiencing derealisation when i wake.
I told me T about holidays and weekends feeling weird, so actually.. it may be actual derealisation. I still feel it now writing this post.
She said the anxiety that I'm not aware of builds up about the weekends (i hated being at home as a child).

The main reason I'm writing is about this dream i had.
It wasnt the typical *anxiety dreams* i have, but i think there was some anxiety in it.
I miss not being able to tell my X about my dreams if they are bad.
He was mostly unresponsive and said it was boring listening. But i wish i could tell someone.

I havent been dreaming much. (well, I'm not remembering them)..
Since i came here, i have been having dreams about me and narc X talking and me saying things i should have said to him back then.
I have learnt a lot about him (or so i think, i may have it all wrong)
and I'm angry and shouting in them.
Those dreams, strangely, take place in my dads bedroom at my first childhood home.

Last night, i dreamed i was still living with X in his house.
I think the dream was triggered because lately, i have bene wondering if the  thing in the house I'm scared of hurting me, is me.
I wont go into it - its too long. But it was triggered back then by abandonment.
Before i went to sleep, i was scared of the shadow in the corner of my room.

The dream-
We were in a theatre. X said that if the lights went out and he was here alone in the dark, he would be really scared. The guy at the front was a funny, but talking about paranormal stuff.
Next scene- X said he was going to get stuff from his mums house, then we can watch the movie.
He went out. I opened the front door, and our dog was there, and two other dogs. The was also a cow and a bull stood out side the front door.
I closed the door straight away.
X came up the path and through the glass, i said to him that there is a cow and a bull here, don't open the door.
The cow licked his face.
He said he would get help, so he ran off next door.
He said he was also doing to get the dip.
End of dream.

Why did i feel so horrible?
I didnt love him in the dream. I wonder if other dreams happened that night that i don't remember (and if they often do), to make me feel ..not good when i wake.
Perhaps, the bull and the cow, represent me, now...my struggle and how awful i feel on a regular basis. how lonely i am, and he was getting help for me in the dream.
Its like, having a sour taste in my mouth when i wake.
Like i need to get this horrible feeling out of me. It feels uncomfortable.
Does any one know whats going on?  Thanks.