Hi Laurel Leaves,
Upon reflecting on what Pete Walker says, I might have dealt with the initial feelings toward my outer critic. I'm a Freeze type, which I used to blame it all on other people. "Celebrate Diversity" only meant celebrating people like ME. Now that I have a healthier outlook on different types of people, my inner critic is speaking up that, saying I'm not good enough. What a realisation to have. Im sorry that your inner critic is telling you that your are not good enough.
I have heard this is normal..did you know that? -Normal to experience the inner critic being louder when you challenge or when the outer critic begins to shrink.
Still, it is all of societies fault... this institutionalized oppression against people like me. I can't point to one person and blame them, because it is all of them together.
I know. I personally find it frustrating when you cant blame something on one person /s in particular.
BUT- it is ok to be angry at society- and angry at *these people* who think these things. Your anger is not wrong, it just *is*, though i know it is easy to judge your feelings and to not accept them.
I know that coming out will help change people opinions of people like me. The only thing is, I will have to brave it when I come out to people who might refuse to understand. That is very triggering. I have C-ptsd because I knew who I was at a young age, and I knew I wasn't allowed to BE.
Before i read your reply, i read what i wrote and the spellings were awful!
Also, more importantly- I read what i wrote, and i didnt write that i understand just how hard it is to do these things. Its not easy. I mean, you might have thought of that already, but its not easy to do. That was my blunder. I hated it when my X would do this and not understand why i couldnt do what he was suggesting.
And i don't think the aim of you telling them *should* be to *change their perceptions / opinions of gay people. It would be nice to just *be* yourself and it makes perfect sense that that is so scary for you and that it would be a trigger.
Such a shame that you were not allowed to just be. I relate to that a lot.
It sounds like you want to be accepted, not just tolerated (people being nice).
You were never allowed to just be, so it makes sense. I hope one day, you will be abel to accept yourself as you are.
If I come out right away, it could destroy it, because he feels weird out it. But if I don't, and get him to like me well enough, and then come out, it could destroy it because he feels deceived.
Ooh, thats hard.
I don't know what to recommend.
It might be too soon to tell your friend, but if you invest time into your friendship, then tell him later, and they don't take it well...thats a shame.
I think, that if this person is a real *friend* and a good enough person- that being, a person who just accepts you as you are, then they are a decent person.
It would be such a shame if their *own issue* got in the way
Do think that you are trying to *get him to like you* because, you want to be liked? but also, so that they accept that you are gay?
I think that if it was me, or maybe not..i don't know..i could if i was feeling brave, start up a conversation casually about being gay and see what their views are on it...as in *why* they don't like it..what they would think if they had a friend who they found out was gay...
(if i didnt know already exactly *why* they had an issue with it), but i wouldnt want you to be hurt by doing that...
Don't know if thats helpful or not. what a tricky situation.
I must say..im in this kind of situation with my T. Tell her now or later and invest time and money only to be disappointed = if she rejects me for this info.
I don't know.
