Does this ease?

[Contessa]

Hi all,

In a triggered state right now. Was triggered a few days ago, and have been going through the waves. Before the trigger, I felt like I didn't have cPTSD, depression or anxiety. I was on the improve.

Now I was never in a naive state of thinking I was cured. I know that there will be episodes. Relapses. But for those that have been working with cPTSD for a longer time than I have, can I ask if this ever eases in intensity over time? If so what do you think helped?

[woodsgnome]

At the risk of sounding odd, I've only felt better when giving up expectations that there is one method or approach that will magically rid me of so much grief, pain, and anxiety over ever finding any peace.

It's not resignation, a surrender to fate sort of giving in, though. It's merely an acceptance, as you wrote, that there can be relapses and episodes that  seem awful and unendurable. Borrowing your analogy of the waves, I've realized that in accepting and riding the waves, not fighting them, even the deepest trough is replaced by an upward wave. And all the waves are part of one vast ocean. They will fluctuate.

I wish there was some lofty prescription guaranteeing a sure way to the cure. A lot of this is quite individual, and one size doesn't fit all. I'm in a trough of my own at the moment, but can only ride with it. I'll try all the self-comfort and such that I know of, but also realize that if I loosen or let go of desperately controlling the outcome in a certain way, I may even be pleasantly surprised by what transpires. 

Fighting these long-standing inner wounds seems to give them even more power to hurt. So when I feel sad, I allow it in, and it's like lowering the pressure a bit. I don't want it; I hate it; but It was knocking at my door, again, for whatever reason. When I allow its presence, I grieve and acknowledge it, but realize its visit doesn't mean I'm bad, or a failure, or totally lose my self-respect, etc. (which is how I used to feel).

Twice in recent days I was devastated by relationship issues that rankled greatly, and I gave up straining to figure what I could do about it. In the process, though, I was a mess with emotions and doomsday scenarios ranging from sadness to anger through grief and back again. In both instances the issue was resolved in unexpected but in wonderful ways, albeit at the cost of lots of worrisome mind snags.

So yes, these troubles do ease up, sometimes in unexpected ways, if one allows space for it; there's likely a crack somewhere through which the light will find its way in again. Somehow accepting that seems to allow at least some of that elusive peace to settle into its rightful place. Maybe it's even an invitation to rediscover that the peace never really left in the first place; it was just hiding, within.

[sanmagic7]

beautifully said, woodsgnome.  thank you.  it helped me as i'm grieving my daughter.  i will ride this wave and know that it will eventually take me back to shore.

[Contessa]

Not odd at all Woodsgnome, and as Sanmagic said, beautifully said. Here's hoping with time the waves get smaller, and further apart. They will never stop I know.

Thinking of you at this time Sanmagic.

[sanmagic7]

thanks, contessa.  the support here has been unbelievable.  never have i found this in all the groups, in both reality and virtuality, that i've been part of.  it's so appreciated, and makes those waves take notice - there is a force larger than them that will continue to break them down into smaller and smaller pieces, more manageable pieces.  we shall prevail!