Irritability and anger

[Stout_and_Vigil]

So as I've become more self aware of my diagnosis and have learned to kind of be more self aware, I've noticed a trend in my thought process.

First, it doesn't take much to make me completely withdraw into myself. Or just get out right angry. Thankfully I'm not a violent person, so it's never come to that. But boy do I know how to hold a grudge.

It's like, I tell myself, "I'm going to have a good day today, even if it kills me." And then one tiny, insignificant thing goes wrong and everything is ruined for the rest of the day.

Does anyone else deal with this? Is this a normal (relatively speaking) thing? I've been trying breathing exercises and just generally trying to talk myself down like, "You're over reacting. Just breathe, it's not a world ending thing," but I can only seem to shake it off about half the time.

[Three Roses]

Yes, that sounds familiar - sounds like an emotional flashback. Mindfulness and breathing deeply help, taking walks, punching a pillow - something physical and rhythmic like bouncing a ball - go to http://www.pete-walker.com/ and on the left you'll see a link on emotional flashbacks (EF).

Hope this helps. 

[movementforthebetter]

Hi Stout_and_Vigil, I suffer from the symptoms you mentioned, too. And so do others, sometimes. 

I find work in particular to be very triggering for anger - lots of forced interactions and very little in my control dispite being responsible for results.

I really like Three Roses' suggestion of doing something rhythmic. I suppose this is exactly why people make those novelty stress balls!

I hope you find some comfort knowing you are certainly not alone in this, and that it can be reduced with effort.

[Wife#2]

Stout - my c-ptsd husband used to deal with this all the time. I hated it, because I might have left a happy camper (disabled and home all day due to genetic low vision) in the morning and come home to the grumpiest bear growling about everything. When I asked what was wrong, he would growl out about some triviality (computer didn't work right, light bill posted a day late, DS pestering to eat before dinner). It got bad enough that I finally told him I didn't want to be around him anymore. I was considering divorce. It wasn't my preferred answer, but something had to be done about the constant unpredictable anger.

Mindfulness (won't see therapist, but does come up with these things on his own) seems to have worked best for him. When he feels the anger start up, he sometimes takes a deep breath, remind himself of what IS good in his life and about the situation that snatched his joy. Of course, he fails sometimes. But, he does try to emotionally pick himself up and dust himself off and admit the ridiculousness of his rant. At least to me.

Say that he'd been having a great day. A salesman walks up, past our 'NO TRESSPASSING' sign, to the door. Well, my H becomes very irate when interrupted and down-right angry when it's someone who's being intentionally ignorant. Once he's done spouting off at the salesman for his/her inability to read a simple, posted sign, he used to be mad all day about it. I'd hear for an hour about the incident when I got home. Until bed time, he'd gripe about that jerk and how he'd told the jerk off.

Since becoming aware that he really does this to himself, he'll still tell me about it, but he'll let me change the subject to something more positive. He'll begin a more positive topic, like - all the things that are better in our life than 10 years ago.

His adult children have noticed that he gets angry less often, gets less angry (now it's anger, used to be rage) and stays angry for less time. They've told him how much that means to them. I've told him it means a great deal to me! That's the positive feedback he needed.

He told me one answer I gave when trying to talk him down from a pretty bad rage (adult son had mildly disrespected - it was real, but it was not THAT bad) really helped him. 'Don't let so-and-so steal your joy! Don't give them the power to ruin your whole day. Do you think THEY are spending all evening talking about how YOU responded? Nope. They're sleeping while you're tossing & turning.'

He's had to say the same thing back to me to keep me grounded when I feel anger stealing my joy. It does help.

As to is this normal? **** TRIGGER POSSIBLE  **** If you've suffered through years of powerlessness, then I see how the smallest frustrations can seem catastrophic. And, it's possible that, once the fight/flight hormones have chosen fight (anger) that it's very hard to turn that off. 

Don't be too hard on yourself! See, to me one down side of this effect is that the more you beat yourself up about it, the more likely it is to happen again. BUT, the more you release that c**p and forgive yourself for what you WANT to call an over-reaction, the easier it gets to let the next perceived wrong or slight to just slide on by. Maybe give them the finger, cause they deserve it, but then refocus on YOUR good day.