Working Through a Memory ** Poss Trigger**

[Survivor526]

At this point my tormentor (Narc mother) has been dead for many years, my life is truly lovely (I think God rewarded my suffering) and I'm recovering...but slowly. A few days ago I heard an old song that is almost never played anywhere. It's Harry Nillson's "Without You", it's really a very pretty song, but songs are often emotional triggers for me and this one was very much so. When I heard the song I could feel myself in my childhood room. I was looking out the window. The grass and the trees were green and I was singing the song. "I can't live if living is without you. I can't live. I can't give anymore." My mother had recently killed my kitten and told me that my best friend had done it.  I was praying that God would take me to heaven too. I was 4. I was praying for death and I was 4. I'm determined to  to work through this. I am going to let myself feel it.  I'm going to mourn the childhood I didn't get and I'm going to get past it. I'm not going to stuff it down this time, I'll stand up to it. God help me...again.

[Three Roses]

 

I wish I could hug that little 4 year old!