emdr

[Sandstone]

Im on a waiting list for emdr but I have concerns that it may be no good for me.  See when I think of any memory I dont feel a particular way about them. As far as im aware you need to remember a specific instance  andfeel the feeling and rate it. My worry is that none of the memories have a specifically high score for me.  Iv thought about these memories for most of my life so am probably already desensitised.  Yet I still obviously suffer from the symptoms of trauma. Can I be helped by emdr or will it be a waste of time?

[Three Roses]

I've only read about it and not experienced it, but the way I unsweetened understand, it seems if the therapist does his/her job then the memories will be more clear and focused, and you'll have an emotional reaction to them.

[Sandstone]

Ah right so I don't necessarily have to have a reaction to it straight away, just wait and see what comes up. Yeah  I might be surprised by it. Thanks Three Roses.

[woodsgnome]

As someone highly resistant to emdr, I recognize the hesitancy to consider it.

In my case, my current t held it in reserve as an option; my resistance is that I felt I didn't want to follow what seemed to be an 'artificial' method; instead I wanted to know that I was the manager of my trauma, and that any progress I'd do on my own; which was probably more egoic self-talk than from the heart. My other hesitation stemmed from how a previous t botched an earlier go at emdr, leaving a bad taste.

So the hesitation was still sitting there, but as I began to trust my current t's skill set, I was more willing to place it into the 'maybe' bin. Then I hit on some really difficult times in recent sessions, 'til finally last time I felt low on options, and was willing to shed my fears as my thoughts plummeted to the it can't get any worse level.

It didn't turn me fully around (as if any therapy approach can ever truly accomplish that), and some of what came up would have previously made me bolt--but reinsert the trust factor here. Though deep, It's stress quotient even seemed okay. Again--trust in the t seems key. It was hard-going, but afterwards I felt at least a glimmer of hope and less fearful that this would really do me in. Very tired after, but with a healthy feeling, like after strenuous but satisfying exercise.

I still have some anxiety (goes with the territory) going forward with it, and it might not remain a feature in where our sessions develop as we travel on what I call 'recovery road'. My fears of what might be further dredged up from the memory vault are still there, but having experienced this small dose of emdr so far, I'm also far less fearful that the bottom will drop out, leaving me adrift with my forlorn thoughts and bad memories.

So from my perspective, this emdr experience didn't justify my previous fears. But again, it needs to be handled with care, and assisted by a t who knows what they're doing.

[sanmagic7]

hey, sandstone,

i am an emdr trained therapist, so i know a little about it.  i agree that the relationship with your therapist will make a difference, and it is a part of the emdr experience.  also, since this type of therapy is client-focused, it will go along with you where you're at.  your memories don't need to have a specific rating, neither do your emotions around them.  they are what they are, no other expectations or judgments.   

as a side note, woodsgnome, i'm really sorry you had a neg. experience at one time.  unfortunately, it happens, and i hate it when it does.  but, i'm glad that you decided to give it another shot, and that it was a better experience for you. 

i believe in emdr as a wonderful trauma-based therapy, one of the best and most efficient out there.  i hope it's as helpful for you as it has been for me.  kudos to you both for trying something new. 

[Sandstone]

Thanks Sanmagic, i thought you had to me feeling a high level number to start with and you work on it until the score comes down. Im sure itll be fine, i think i have too many expectations instead of just waiting to see. Its quite a while away yet and i truly hope i get a good t to work with.
Woodgnome i am sorry too that you didnt have a good experience with emdr but good on you for being prepared to give it another try 

[Marja]

Sandstone, I had EMDR last year, and like you, I didn't have particular memories to focus on. I just wanted to rid myself of the feelings I've carried all these decades. As the scapegoat of my family, all I could remember is my siblings laughing, and how I felt after they bullied me. So I chose the laughter of my siblings as the focus of my first EMDR session. After the session, I felt like I had a forcefield around me, and the thought of their laughter just bounced off me. When I saw them this summer, I wasn't triggered by their "nostalgic" childhood stories of the "fun" they had abusing me. I felt in control. EMDR was definitely worth it, in my opinion.

[Sandstone]

Thank you Marja, im relieved to hear that it can still work regardless of detail of memories 
Im sorry that you had to go through what you did at the hands of your siblings but im so glad that you got to diminish those feelings and how awesome to feel so strong afterwards, long may it continue    I know im going to be very impatient whilst waiting for my first appointment eek!

[Marja]

Glad I could share my experience to support you. I hope you don't have to wait too long.