Chapter 7 summary (in parts)

  • 39 Replies
  • 3447 Views
*

no_more_fear

  • Member
  • 232
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter 7 summary (in parts)
« Reply #30 on: November 14, 2016, 09:03:56 PM »
Hi everyone,

I'm really sorry for not posting everyone. I know it's an excuse, but I've been really busy with my writing, therapy, then various trips away that are triggering me a lot.

Would it be okay if we pick this up in a months time? Or would you all prefer to wait until the new year?

Again I am so sorry.

nmf

*

mourningdove

  • Member
  • 644
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter 7 summary (in parts)
« Reply #31 on: November 15, 2016, 01:56:26 AM »
NMF! :) I don't have any input, since I haven't been able to participate for a long while. Just saying hi.  :wave:

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 7585
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter 7 summary (in parts)
« Reply #32 on: November 15, 2016, 06:15:09 PM »
Hi No More Fear    :heythere:  The new year is fine with me, I am really busy right now too. 


*

no_more_fear

  • Member
  • 232
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter 7 summary (in parts)
« Reply #33 on: December 16, 2016, 02:12:59 PM »
Morningdove and Kizzie  :heythere:

Thank you both. I've been having a hard time lately so I needed some time out. Numerous things have happened to set me back on my recovery recently, so I needed some time out. I haven't even looked at the site for weeks, so I'm sorry for only getting back to you both.

Kizzie, how have you been doing post-surgery? Are you fully recovered? I hope you are and you have a great Xmas.

Morningdove, I hope you have a great Xmas too. I know this time of year is tough for us all, so my thoughts are with you.

nmf

 :bighug: :bighug:

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 7585
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter 7 summary (in parts)
« Reply #34 on: December 17, 2016, 06:38:57 PM »
Right back at you No More Fear  :bighug:  So good to hear from you although I'm sorry to hear you've been having a tough time. Are the holidays tough for you as they are for so many of us? 

I am doing quite well post-surgery thanks you for asking.  I have to have the other knee done in the New Year and am not looking forward to that, but at the same time it will be so wonderful to be fully mobile again. 

Life is quieter for me in the new year so if you would like to get back to the book I'm good with that.  Or we could just chat here about dissociation - where we're currently at, what has improved, what we want to work on ....

My thoughts are with you during the holidays too  :hug:

*

no_more_fear

  • Member
  • 232
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter 7 summary (in parts)
« Reply #35 on: January 19, 2017, 08:34:49 PM »
Hi Kizzie, sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I'm really glad to hear you're doing better. I wish you didn't have to go through surgery again though. Is that soon?

Yeah the holidays are really hard and my birthday is coming up and it's brought up quite a lot of memories. Growing older is something which is beyond our control, as you know, so it was quite a big thing to my mother when I was younger. So birthdays are really hard as part of me is based on her. I've had a lot of insights recently and the therapist I'm seeing (via skype as I'm far too afraid to be in the room with a T) is really helping.

How are you doing in regards to dissociation? I'm sure the stress of your operation is having an effect on it. If anyone else would like to pitch in it'd be great to hear from you.

I've been really reluctant to say, but it's too much for me doing work on here AND with my therapist. I'm so sorry if I've let anyone down. I really want to just post on the regular boards as that would take a lot less out of me, if you know what I mean. Again apologies, it just seems like an insurmountable task.

 :bighug:

*

radical

  • Member
  • 847
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter 7 summary (in parts)
« Reply #36 on: January 20, 2017, 03:31:49 AM »
I'm glad I've come upon this thread and find it useful, particularly about having conversations with and between different parts of myself.

This morning I was 'in' a negative, critical, suicidal part of myself and I did a whole lot of writing in a somewhat dissociated place. It feels awful to be that person and I wanted to escape so I started writing a list of things i was grateful for within the situation I was feeling so negative about.  It brought 'in' the compasssionate part, which was strange.  At one point I wrote: "I can hear all the EF thoughts clamouring to get in"  I was seeing this part as an EF and I think that is true too.

Reading back this strange conversation, in which compassion eventually displaces the cynic, I see that this part needs the compassionate part to be compassionate to her, rather than take over to have the whole system feeling better.  It seems easier to bring compassion to external pain.  I see that this most unpleasant part is probably the most hurt, lonely and needy.  This part has valid, if cynical things to say and carries a lot of the sense and memories of betrayal.  It would be better if I didn't feel like I was indulging and barely tolerating an obnoxious teenager who has nothing positive to say.

Maybe next time i need to write a list of things I'm grateful to this part for giving me.

Like others have said above, I don't identify with many aspects common to being compartmentalised and dissocative, such as losing time, and not remembering where I was or what i was doing etc. They seem to be distinct internal 'landscapes' with different abilities, memories and understandings.  They are parts of the whole, but separated from each other, usually quite inaccesssible from the outside.  It's useful to be able to bring other parts in.  I have a sense that the cynic wants the presence of compassion, to be heard, but it's not mutual.

Don't know if this makes any sense.

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 7585
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter 7 summary (in parts)
« Reply #37 on: January 23, 2017, 05:02:51 PM »
Sorry for the delay in answering No More Fear, I am on the run with work right now and am not getting to OOTS as much as I'd like. 

Please don't feel badly that you cannot continue with this book talk, we must put ourselves first when it comes to recovery in my books and if you need to focus your energy on therapy that's a good thing!   :thumbup:  Besides I think we did some great work, I know I am much more mindful about dissociating than I was, have learned to stay present more often and for longer, and now accept that I had to use this as a survival strategy when I was a child.  So many gains by talking here with you and other members in this thread so thank you so much for getting this going in the first place!

 :yourock:  and    :hug:

PS - If/when you feel up to it,  at some point can you post in the therapy sub-forum about how you're finding distance therapy?  I'm looking into options for OOTS and would really like to hear what you think of it as I'm sure others would as well. 
« Last Edit: January 24, 2017, 05:16:03 PM by Kizzie »

*

Kizzie

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • 7585
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter 7 summary (in parts)
« Reply #38 on: January 23, 2017, 05:22:54 PM »
Hey Radical - sorry to hear you are having an EF  :hug:  It's interesting to hear how you are working with the part of you that has such dark thoughts and feelings rather than trying to stuff it down. I too struggle with what I think of as my teen because like any teen she's a force to be reckoned with. 

What seems to be working is much like what you describe, hearing her out, being compassionate and validating (versus indulging) her.  Then we chat about more adult views (Did you know our NPD FOO went through a lot of trauma to have developed a PD and that while they hurt us terribly, it was because of their pain and not anything we did or didn't do that they took it out on us?).  We also talk about the fact that there is no need to forgive, just to understand for our own welfare why this happened to us. At some point if she then extends compassion to them/others that would be great, I will feel like I have helped her to mature.

I understand too when you say you don't really want to deal with that part of you, teens can be difficult to say the least and mine could not be soothed, rocked, hugged like younger me, she wanted answers and accountability and to express herself with great emotion. Scary stuff because that got a lot of backlash when I actually was a teen. 

Anyway, FWIW I think that in the case of our teen selves there really is a lot of righteous anger and grief that needs to be expressed, but it's a bit hard to let that come out if even only in our minds eye.  Little by little, bit by bit I feel mine coming around though (just like our real S emerging from his teen years actually, not that he was as as angry or anything, but he did need care and guidance through that period). 

« Last Edit: January 23, 2017, 05:30:31 PM by Kizzie »

*

no_more_fear

  • Member
  • 232
    • View Profile
Re: Chapter 7 summary (in parts)
« Reply #39 on: January 23, 2017, 09:52:33 PM »
Hi Kizzie,

Thanks so much for your understanding. I would really love to start it up again at a later point and if anyone wants to join in that'd be great. I'm at a difficult point in my recovery, which is why I don't think I can do it anymore at the minute. And thank you for saying the work helped you, that's really good to hear.

Yes, I will post about my experience with skype therapy on Wednesday as I'm going out tomorrow and that'll take up all my energy! Skype has been amazing for me as I'm a freeze type, so I'd love to get others onto it.

Thanks again for all your support, it means so much more than I can say.

Sending this right back to you!  :yourock: