been there, done that. it's like an obsession to keep learning more, keep attempting to put pieces in their rightful places, i want this done!!! and i want it done now!!! like a fire is inside, consuming me, and if i don't get this fixed, i will be burned to a crisp from the inside out and nothing will be left of me and i'll die without knowing the answers! the urgency is relentless.
as i've progressed, i've gotten better at slowing down. the stress was hurting me, and my day-to-day functioning became less than ideal. i'd even get sick at times because of the stress. while i worked at it continuously in some way, shape, or form, i eventually realized that learning more was making me feel miserable. it was having the opposite effect on what i was trying to achieve. that rang a wake-up bell for me.
i reconnected with my original goals - health, sanity, and calm - and plugged my behaviors into them. and, i saw more clearly how my behaviors were leading me away rather than toward them. my health was being jeopardized, my head was spinning with all the new information i kept gathering, and i was going farther and farther away from the calmness that i sought.
it took some time, focus, and a lot of determination to slow myself down. i've been an overachiever most of my life - this was just another aspect of it. overachieving has been one of my maladaptive behaviors to prove i'm worth something and not 'lazy' (a curse word from my foo). i don't know if any of this resonates with you, but i wanted to let you know that you are certainly not alone. best to you with this. it's a toughie. but, thanks for posting. it helped to remind myself, which i need quite often, to slow myself down in many aspects of my life.