Surviving Character Assassination

[sanmagic7]

dang, contessa, how sucky.  if you feel like you were railroaded, you probably were.  and that sucks.  rats.

just keep keeping yourself as safe as possible - that's the main thing.  and, like radical says, the minions will bring forth their banners and butt you out of the way when you're not looking.  so, just know that it's liable to happen at any time, and be prepared.  do what you need to do.  in your corner, always.

[Three Roses]

 

[Contessa]

Haha indeed Three Roses.
And thank you again Sanmagic.

My response is to draft an email response to myself to sit in reply to that email, today, stating that the meeting I orginially agreed to attend (and did not request) did not take place as I was lead to believe, and itemising the content and stating that I do not and did not agree to anything that was written in the original. I think that's all I can do for now.

If you have the ruthlessness, lack of conscience and 10,000 hour expertise in manipulation, you can spend  lot of time putting your feet up and watching the show  while a bunch of (often well-meaning) dingbats carry on your nasty work for you, in good freaking faith

My thoughts exactly radical.

[sanmagic7]

warrior woman spirit to the fore!  congrats on how well you're taking your power back.  good for you.

[Contessa]

Thank you.

Feeling quite depressed today. Hope its only for today though.

[sanmagic7]

big hug to you, contessa.  standing right beside you.  i've got some strength today, so i can share it with you.  hold on.

[Contessa]

Hello all,

For the last month or so I have moved to other posts on the forum to get separation from this topic. However tomorrow I have a rescheduled meeting with the person who didn't show up last time.

As I was concerned about, so much time has passed since I first reported the bullying (in a triggered state caused by it  ) to now. Things seem to be settling but the damage is done, there is a black mark against my name, and I am largely outcast.

At this point, too much time has passed from when this issue was raised to now, I don't know what to focus on now with this meeting.

I obviously do have my concerns, but any thoughts from others?

Thank you lots

PS- would like to apologise for my quiet and egocentricity. Have actually been putting in such long hours with my project with enthusiasm and focus. Been reading many posts too but am too mentally exhausted to write

[radical]

I'm not sure if it is tomorrow now, where you are.

I know what you mean about the problem of reporting about while in a triggered state.  I wish I could turn back the clock, but that is one of the problems of reporting any kind of abuse.  There is a bizarre irony in being more able to be believed if you show little sign of being affected, and then of course, it can't have been that bad.....  I can't imagine any other kind of injury being taken more seriously if there is no sign of a wound.  Of course psychological abuse unbalances us, we are harmed and in pain and it shows.

I'm so impressed with how you've coped with this. 

For what it's worth I recommend a focus that bolsters your credibility.  If the person you are meeting is a manager of some kind, I'd take a philosophical big-picture view, emphasising the well-documented problem of bullying in education  (it is well-known to be a hot-spot for this kind of problem), and wide-lens insights about the effects on individuals, groups and education itself.  Talk about what you've learned and how you hope it will benefit you as a person and as an educator.   Maybe mention the serious danger for members of marginalised groups and the silencing effect on the voices that most need to be heard, etc..  I would avoid mentioning the offender at all.

Something like that.  (if it is possible) it's late at night here, but I'm sure you get the gist.

That's just my suggestion.

[sanmagic7]

i think radical has some good suggestions.  i just wish you the best with this.  it's gone on too long!  strength and energy coming your way.  hugs.

[Contessa]

Thank you both. I have just woken up, will be having this meeting first off, and am very tired through a bad night's sleep... thinking about the project and not this meeting, ha.

I agree that in this state of relative calm a credibility boost is needed, and focus on my own work right now seems to be making a little difference.

On another note, been working at the office since the new year and not from home. Can't let others see how credible I am if i'm not there to show it.

Will let you know how it goes. Xo

[Contessa]

Hello, checking in to let you know that the meeting happened. There were some positives and some negatives, but things appear to be set to move forward from here.

Typically, I got what was a very nasty surprise which should have triggered me back into a mind buzzing, anxiety ridden and almost psychotic state... but I think  i'm so used to these nasty things I could only respond with very, very, very black humour. Will relay it in another post later, although it will need a strong trigger warning.

Thank you thank you thank you Sanmagic and Radical. You responses meant the world to me xox

[radical]

Take it easy and be kind to yourself, Contessa.  Sometimes for me, there can be a rebound affect afterwards when I've come through something containing toxins.

It sounds like you handled a really difficult situation with aplomb. Kudos.  (no emoticon for that)  Looking forward to hearing about it when/if you're ready.

[Contessa]

Thank you Radical. Thank you thank you.

I minced my words earlier, the nasty surprise was a traumatic trigger separate to this meeting. Typical bad timing! Oh dear.

[Contessa]

Okay, yeah its settling in.

The unrelated trigger has been churning in my head. I'm calm, but very distracted.

The meeting about the bullying... "It's not happening"... yet the person who keeps telling me that then replayed gossip about all of the bullying that has been happening higher up the management chain (which I knew about), describing absolutely everything that this guy/group of followers have been doing to me, an exact parallel... but mine's not happening.

Things that were said to me:
The bullies all like me apparently and have tried to look after me, but I confuse them. And they don't know how to respond to me... but the funny looks from people I get are all in my head... I'm making 'assumptions' about people by analysing behaviour, that is wrong... oh but you know something is wrong because you can just 'feel something is off'...They apparently tried to reach out to me, despite the common knowledge of their overt and active exclusion... etc etc 

Can you see the contradictions and confusions? I got my point across that if they are in fact confused about what is going on, then so am I. Their behaviour has been utterly confusing and distressing. The main bully's abusive behaviour, that instigated this whole drama, was utterly alarming, unpredictable, fear inducing, confusing and distressing.

I also expressed that I had the strong impression that, due to the anomalous behaviour of other colleagues (including the one in the meeting), that I am the one considered to be causing the drama.

The mediator also asked questions of me, very deliberate questions. She had already asked me these questions previously, but clearly asked them again in the presence of this other staff member so they could hear my response. The mediator also asked me as a teaching professional, if I had a student come to me with an issue of bullying, how would I handle it. I replied with "I have had this happen a few times, and this is how I did deal with it successfully... immediately... nipped it before it got out of control"...

So I did get resistence and invalidation. But I did get my questions and view across, finally. But too late. I did hold my ground though.  And that staff member now knows enough of what I have experienced.

[sanmagic7]

dang!  those kinds of contradictory responses and behaviors are, from my perspective, crazy-making!  no wonder you're confused.  it's bone-chilling to me that you've had to continue to go through this.  i'm just glad you were able to answer the questions, put forth your own example about how you would handle bullying (wonderful, by the by) and that you at least got some positives out of the whole thing.  contessa, nothing but admiration for how you've dealt with all this.  such strength and fortitude and determination.  you are inspiring, my dear.  big hug!