Looking for help in healing self from C-PTSD

[Rhino Warrior]

I just want to quickly introduced myself as I have just signed up for this forum.  Sometime ago I determined I experience the symptoms of C-PTSD, but I have not really successfully dealt with it - I think - because no one really recognizes it as a real thing and my circumstances are not as common as many who dealt with years of childhood emotional abuse.  I was married to a woman who was scarred by her up-bringing - a mother who was NPD or high functioning borderline. I don't believe my wife was full-blown NPD, though I think that such symptoms surfaced under stress.  Nina Brown's book, "Loving the Self-Absorbed" (an excellent resource), identifed 4 kinds of "malignant" narcissists - one of which fit my wife to a "T".  It was the most 'covert' of the categories (maybe it was called that) so I was the only one who really experienced it.

It took me a long time to recognize the subtle methods of verbal and emotional manipulation that she used and, being the 'rescuer" and responsible one", I worked hard to do what I could. Unfortunately, those we went to for help could not recognize the real issues and it took me a lot of self-study and self-analysis to finally figure out what was going on.

Long story short, we are no longer married, but the situation with the kids and between each other is pretty copacetic. So compared to many folks, my situation may not seem really bad right now. The problem is, I am still far from back to normal in my day-to-day functioning.  I once was a business-owner and sold that and lived off that for a few years. I have some good professional talents and gifts, but I can't get my career back on track and - though I have a decent network of friends - have had no interest in resuming romantic involvements (its been 8 years since my divorce and I do not have problems meeting interesting people).

I still feel inadequate and can't carrying out some basic life functions.  Nothing has worked, but I think that is because some of the things I need to do trigger paralyzing stuff that brings back painful baggage and a very intense experience of feeling trapped by subtle abuse and manipulation that no one else could see or understand.

I suppose that's enough for now. I came here because nothing else has worked for me and it's been very frustrating.  I have studied a tremendous amount on related topics - but not recently.  Did not really help to 'understand' what was going on with no one able to support you.  I hope to check into some of the resources mentioned here, otherwise I am not sure my situation is enough like others to really help - but I appreciate that you all are here.

I just felt I should make an intro before posting on any threads.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Rhino Warrior! We're glad you're here.

There are many people here who've developed cptsd as a result of a close relationship with a narcissist. Emotional abuse is every bit as painful and damaging as physical.

Have you watched any of Richard Gannon's youtube videos? He had a lot to say about narcs.

Pete-walker.com is a great resource, and Pete's book on cptsd practically qualifies as THE book on the subject for many of us here.

You have been through the wringer, that's for sure. It's not easy living under that constant stress, and then hearing,  "oh it can't be that bad" or any of the other meaningless platitudes we hear.

But you're here now, you're one of us! Thanks for joining.

[sanmagic7]

hey, rhino warrior,

you wrote that compared to many folks, your situation doesn't seem that bad right now.  you also wrote that you have difficulty getting any kind of business situation back on track, that you feel inadequate, can't carry on some basic functions, have no interest in dating even after 8 yrs., and that things you need to do trigger you into paralysis.  i think your situation seems plenty challenging, that your life is difficult to navigate at best, and that, comparisons aside, you're really struggling.

we all have our own stories, our own ways through recovery, and our own levels of difficulty to try to manage.  i'm glad you decided to give this forum a shot.  i've found it so helpful, so supportive, and full of kind, caring, and understanding people.  i hope that now that you're here, you can discover the pieces that are missing and start putting yourself and your life back together.  i'm really glad you decided to share and glad you're part of us. 

[Rhino Warrior]

Thanks for welcoming and resources. Interestingly I had found Richard Gannon Spartan life coach before - I found that I had subscribed to his channel but had not followed up much. I also looked into Pete Walker after first coming across this site. 

Here is the knee-jerk reaction I had from Pete Walker: he emphasized the emphasis on people whose cptsd comes from childhood. I know this is a great need - imagine feeling emotionally trapped as a child in the crazyness of a PD parent. The problem is, that was not my situation - it was my ex-wife's.  And all things considered, i think she came through it pretty well - but there were definitely lingering effects that only I was privy to.  Also, it left her particularly helpless as a mother and "acted up" under stress (which is not uncommon with 3 young kids at home). The inability of any folks - friends, therapists, et. al. - to recognize and understand what I was dealing with is - I believe - what traumatized me.  Sometimes I still think about the craziness and how no one understood and just feel like giving up. i know I gotta work through it and let go etc, but ironically i think my generally resilient character made the negative impact on my psyche even greater.  I weathered it longer than most could - then when my world crashed around me I had no energy or motivation left ("Why bother?" remains my subconscious creed).  Wanting to do right by my kids was all that kept me going (just barely).  And I had already given up hope on anyone understanding what I was going thru (and why should it matter I told myself, but for some reason I thought it was important  to have my experience validated). 

Anyways, thanks for the welcome.