thread for people who are not recovering

[Frederica]

 

Good to know others feel the same at times.

[lostinthedark]

I feel like I can't get better. I watch everyone around me laughing and living but then there I am. I feel so different than everyone around me and I know they are sick of me not getting better. I keep trying to tell myself that dealing with CPTSD is a long and hard process and that I am doing the best that I can but I feel like it's never good enough. That and living with my narcissist mother who is the cause of my CPTSD makes recovery that much harder. I'm feeling so miserable. Thank you to everyone posting on this site. It makes me feel less crazy and less alone. 

[silentrhino]

I don't think I m getting better, I am like a heartbeat that goes up and goes down.  When I'm down I can't think of going up again, I think of all manner of terrible ways to end it all. I'm still here though so who knows.

[Three Roses]

It's hard to feel hope when you're down. But you do say, you "go up and down." I've seen you reach out with compassion and genuine concern here; there is hope and healing! Hang on, the upswing is on its way.

[Lingurine]

Silentrhino, I am sorry you feel this way. Thinking about ways to end it, is IMO natural, after abuse, and something else than acting on it. Feeling anger after abuse can turn inside, at yourself. Maybe it's time to talk about your anger with your T and let a professional help you with that.

Lingurine

[Blueberry]

Lostinthedark, if it's appropriate, here's 

You are so right, healing from CPTSD is a long slog. Two steps forward, three steps back, a few sideways, and then forwards again. Some of us on here have been doing it for years. Younger people are often luckier, they often get the correct diagnosis earlier and then the appropriate treatment.

Anyway, it sounds to me as if you really know yourself that you are making progress, it's just that the people around you can't see it. Or won't see it. Ignore them as best you can.

We are here for you, post away! It helps. All the best, hope to see you around here.

[Blueberry]

Silentrhino,

I'm sorry you feel so low atm.  But you write things go up and down. So they can go up again.

Things go up again for me by themselves. My T recently explained why that is. So not just my observation.

You've posted compassionate replies to me before, I think on SI. Some time you'll have the compassion for yourself. Hang in there. I believe in you and I'm rooting for you. If you like  if not, ignore.

Blueberry

[silentrhino]

Thank you, it's a new day.  Hopefully a better day, trying to get some better control of my emotional state today.  I find I get triggered by invalidating.  I don't go around whinging about my life, but sometimes even at work a trivial remark will set me spiraling.  I am working with some much younger more conceited people.  They invalidate me at times and usually I don't care because I know the game they're playing but at times it hits a nerve root of being invalidated for bigger things, like being injured, humiliated and scorned just for daring to exist. Then I can't stop.

[Blueberry]

I find I get triggered by invalidating.  ... sometimes even .. a trivial remark will set me spiraling.  ..  They invalidate me at times and usually I don't care because I know the game they're playing but at times it hits a nerve root of being invalidated for bigger things, like being injured, humiliated and scorned just for daring to exist.

Sounds familiar. The only thing I can say is that it has got somewhat better over time, without my consciously working on it.
Continued good wishes to you!