Trying to figure out what an Emotional Flashback Really is. Opinions

[writetolife]

I'm sorry.  You probably get these types of questions a lot. 

But it recently dawned on me that I might be having emotional flashbacks.  In fact, I think they're probably that, but I really want other people's opinions.

So the situation is...
Last night, I was at a wedding, and I just kinda emotionally freaked out during the mother daughter dance.  It was taking everything I had not to burst out crying.  Thoughts were just swirling through my head over and over about how I could never get married and I was capable of marriage and nobody would want me and I was an idiot for ever thinking I could get married.  And now that I calmer, I realize that the logical part of my brain sorta shut off.  I could have stepped into the bathroom, but I didn't even think about it.  I was hugely over reacting, but everything felt like truth that I was thinking and feeling.  My anxiety, shame, and I suppose despair were really high. 

It was a good 8 hours before I could calm down enough to sleep, and this morning I just felt...I don't know...hung over.  Not only was I exhausted and grumpy, but I felt like I had been through something traumatic, almost.  Even this evening, I'm worn out, and finding it hard to function. 

Does that sound familiar to anyone?  In your opinion does that sound like an emotional flashback?  Any insight.  Because CPTSD isn't officially recognized in the US it's hard to get professional information on this stuff. 

Thank you in advance.   

[mourningdove]

Welcome, writetolife! 

In my opinion, it does sound like an EF. You might check out this article by Pete Walker and see if his description resonates with your experience: http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm.

[writetolife]

Thank you Mourning Dove!

I checked out the website, which I actually was familiar with.  I just don't trust myself to know what's going on.  Haha. I'm so good at overreacting, you know?

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome!

I think for some us, we were told so often we were over reacting that we started to believe it. Maybe you're not over reacting tho.

[sanmagic7]

hi, and glad you're here.  it sounds to me like one.  with c-ptsd, these kinds of things often seem like over-reacting, in my opinion.  yet, i believe that our emotional mind can just go on overload for awhile, and, yes, like the logical, thinking part shuts down.  it's happened to me like that.   so, i don't think it's over-reacting, but a strong emotional reaction that can even come from our subconscious.   that's what it feels like to me, because sometimes i had no idea where that strength of emotion came from, and couldn't logically stop it.  it's eventually run its course, tho.  and, it is exhausting!  that's a lot of energy expended.  so, take care of yourself above all else, be kind, gentle, and patient with you.  you're not alone.

[Fightsong]

I think this happens to me. I have realised that I 'put on a mask' sometimes, make myself smile and  underneath i'm a puzzle of weird feelings that don't fit the situation. usually sad, lonely, empty ones -that I cant really describe. I think its always happened to me.  I'm becoming aware of it now I'm coming OOTF, and i notice it happening all the time and i hate it. I feel like the mask is becoming uncomfortable and I want to take it off , and yet i also want to go back to a time when I wasn't aware i was wearing it. I feel like I've made this discomfort myself by  coming OOTF, and seeking therapy. But now I'm on this road I cant go back.

[Dee]

I have been so good at putting on a mask.  My T often says that my mask is crumbling, I try to repair it, but then it starts to fall apart again.  It's hard to let the mask go, but I believe it is a sign of recovery.  I know what it is like to feel like screaming in your head while you smile and nod on the outside.

To be honest I have a hard time recognizing EFs.  I occasionally have flashbacks and they are easy to identify.  EFs are much more difficult.  I am starting to get that now.  Recently I got into a big argument with my sister and she hung the phone up on me, I felt abandoned like I did when I was 17.  I felt all those same feelings of being unsupported and alone.  That was an EF. 

One other thing I have recently realized is sometimes I have less severe panic attacks and I couldn't identify before because it wasn't full blown.  My most recent example, which my T had to identify as a panic attack for me, was when I went to breakfast.  I researched the menu, made a plan, and ordered.  When I ate a bite of the egg I could taste butter (butter is a fear food for me).  I sat there and smiled, nodded, but I didn't hear a word my friend was saying.  All I could think of in my head was run or get sick?  I wanted to get out of there, get rid of the butter I ate, my mind spiraled.  I didn't recognize it as a panic attack until my therapist helped. 

I believe awareness and identifying what is happening is important.  Once you can identify it you can come up with a plan about how to deal with it.