Hello everyone

[isurvive2day]

Wanted to introduce myself,
Im a 42 yr old wife to a peace officer and mom to three sons, 16, 18 and 21. I am a mother to a son who is bi polar and has aspergers. I am also daughter to a deceased bi polar/schizophrenic mom, a child of divorce at 9, sister to an abusive borderline sibling who is 8 years older which I severed contact with 4 years ago. I buried both my prents in my early 20's both with cancer. I am also divorced from a sociopathic narcissist whom I was married to for 14 yrs, and escaped from after multiple forms of abuse. Also I am a Christian recovering from spiritual abuse from religion (part of the reason I stayed in my abusive marriage as long as I did). I am blessed to be married now to someone I have known most of my life, and is very unconditional with his understanding, acceptance and love. I have managed to keep close relationships with my sons also and am so thankful. So, something happened when I finally got away from all of the abuse and settled into a safe life with people who love me....I fell the * apart. The last 4 years have been the hardest of my life, discovering the damage, identifying it, fighting to recover, and finally reaching out for therapy once I could not recover any further on my own. It boggles my mind how "strong" I seemed living so many years going from one crisis to the next, pushing my feelings down, and surviving. Sometimes I feel so weak and useless in this recovery process, its so hard not to give into the inner critic. Anyway, I am happy to have found you all, and I relate so much to what many of you are experiencing. Several months ago I started therapy with a therapist that specializes in trauma and EMDR therapy. I have been diagnosed with depression and PTSD. So, here I am, and I look foward to being a part of this community 

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, isurvive2day!

I'm sorry to hear all that you've been through. That one sentence, "I fell the * apart," really struck a chord with me! All the years of holding it together for the kids, for the family, for the marriage, etc., finally used all my strength. I had no more, and fell apart, and was so tired of being strong I didn't want to hear the word ever again.

Thanks for joining us!

[Kizzie]

I sense a pattern here. I too fell apart about three years ago when I was on my own (my H was working away from home for 9 mos, and my son had headed off to university), and all those years of stuffing me down rose up and swept me away in a sea of panic, drinking and depression.  So you are in the right place   

A warm welcome to OOTS isurivive2day and I hope you are able to find the information and support you need here.   

[writetolife]

  Welcome!

I'm sorry life is hard for you.  I'm glad you're here though. 

[Blossoming]

Wow isurvive2day, I feel like I could have written about 3/4 of your post myself. I'm new here too but it sounds like we both found the right place.

[isurvive2day]

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome!
Its a relief to know there are others that can relate to my journey! I am looking forward to being a part of the forum and am incredibly grateful for the support, and also maby being able to encourage, and relate to others as we walk this path.