Emdr

[Sandstone]

Well my assertive and self esteem group therapy has come to an end and i learned lots from it. The lovely lady who ran it has arranged for me to go for an assessment on Monday with an edmr therapist. Im very excited and very nervous.  Is there any questions i should be asking at the assessment?  I have a feeling she only deals with one incident and not complex traumas, which would be an 18 month wait (which id be prepared to wait for)  but i will know more on Monday.  Any advice etc would be appreciated.

[movementforthebetter]

Hi Sandstone,

Like you, I had been in therapy before and came to EMDR later. Because of that, I was able to determine some "key events" that I wanted to process through EMDR. I did ask my therapist directly if she thought, given my background and the multiple traumas, that EMDR would help and she said yes. And it has been helpful. But I had to pick and choose - if I picked all of them I'd be going every week indefinitely. So I ended up with 11 or 12 which is higher than average.

My specific advice: spend a few sessions beforehand on coping skills like grounding techniques if you need them. Be honest about that, because processing can be painful in the short term. It is always exhausting, in my experience, so have time to rest after. And if you have the option, take 1.5 to  2hr sessions so you have time to fully process a target. (sometimes it was fast and I could get through 2 in a session) I did one session a week.

Hope that helps!

[Sandstone]

Yes mftb that does help thank you.
I see what you mean about not being able to pick all tje traumas,  that makes sense.

If abandonment is my main problem can i use that? I assume i have to think of a few instances where i felt abandoned?

Yoir grounding suggestion sounds good. Not sure how i will respomd tbh.
Thank you xx

[movementforthebetter]

Yes, I think you should think of some specific instances of abandonment. If you know one that's the earliest, that one will probably be of the most help to address. My therapist went from earliest to most recent when processing.

[Sandstone]

Hmm im a little disappointed with my assessment i think.

She said she wasnt sure about emdr as im not really in touch with my IC.  She wants to be sure i can handle things. She said she was a bit concerned as id had no secure attachments growing up. I did tell her i have been putting off doin  any Ic work. She said she didnt want to retraumatise me.
I told her i have efs and switch off so she has given me a questionnaire about disassociating to fill out and im seeing her again next week.

I know she is looking after my well being but i had some much hope for the emdr.

[movementforthebetter]

I had to do a dissociation questionnaire as well, I think that's just part of the process. And if she reccommends it's unwise right now - it doesn't mean it will always be unwise. Just that you need to work on other aspects of yourself.

For myself, EMDR has helped me bridge some very key developmental gaps and come to understand myself and reframe my past abuses lot better. But it hasn't cured me - there's too much for it to do that. And it started out great but I've probably been with it too long, and life changes are complicating therapy, so am taking a break to build up some more strength before I finish it off.

I do believe that multiple approaches are needed. I needed therapy beforehand so I could ground myself during the sessions. I still need therapy to deal with what's come up from the EMDR. But I do think it provided me healing I would have taken years to find otherwise, and is letting me unstick myself from key areas and patterns of my past.

Whatever therapy we pursue, none of it is a magic bullet. As far as I know we can only change and heal when we are ready to, whether that's cognitive on our part, or enforced for our safety.

[Sandstone]

Yeah that makes sense mftb.

The t also said emdr isnt a magic wand lol which i suppose i have been thinking of it as.

Iv had 12 weeks of therapy a couple of months ago which is when i got told about complex trauma. The lady today asked if we did any inner child work previous which we hadnt. I told her i was a bit scared of doing any in case i let her down again. I darent promise to always be there for her in case i let her down.
She told me i only have to tell my ic that im doing the best i can, which sounds better i suppose.

I have books on ic work but i keep putting them down and putting it off. Not sure why really.

I told her i also struggled with memory and could we work on abandonment issues during emdr and she said that would be possible.
She hasn't ruled emdr out but wants to make sure id be ok. She said i seem to have a pretty stable adult ego self which was good (and surprised lol)

So looks like now i have to try to convince her id be ready.

I can understand that you still need therapy during sessions as i imagine things would be quite deep and emotional. Good on you for noticing the need to pull back whilst going through other life issues too. 

[sanmagic7]

hey, sandstone,

i am an emdr therapist, and the best ones are always very careful about the idea of retraumatization.   the dissociation diagnostic tool gives important information to the therapist as far as which direction to proceed in, how slowly to go, and how you might process any uncomfortable memories.  getting to know you and your history, making the assessment as far as how to proceed, and getting a feel for where you're at with adult/inner child strengths and weaknesses are all part of the emdr process. 

your therapist sounds like she's careful and concerned, two very good traits, in my opinion.  since emdr therapy is very client-oriented and focused, your needs will be setting the pace.  your hesitation about looking at inner child work may be something to explore with her.  best to you with this.  i hope you find it helpful.

[Sandstone]

Thankyou sanmagic yes it is helpful. I do understand she is doing her job correctly and for that i am thankful.  As for my Ic yes i think its best we try work out whats happening for me. To be fair i wasnt even expecting the emdr for another year at least so i had more time to work through things. I guess i just need to curb my impatience.

[Sandstone]

This week my t asked me some questions and was happy that i have a safe place i go to when i meditate. So she can continue with emdr  but...

She asked me to think of a specific memory while looking at a list with things like 'im worthless, im unlovable' etc and asked how on a scale of 0 to 8 do i feel these while thinking of the memory. I didnt feel anything.
She has said maybe iv already processed the traumas??
So why am i still having trouble in life?

One memory did come up at the end of session that i don't really want to say on here but it came with a lot of shame. So next week I'm going to go with that and see what happens.

[sanmagic7]

good idea.  c-ptsd has so many layers, sometimes it's difficult to pinpoint your feelings about a particular memory, or you may go numb.  good luck with giving a new memory a shot.  best to you with this.   big hug!!!

[Sandstone]

Thanks Sanmagic  back atcha  xx