Getting started on things is hard.

[LaurelLeaves]

I have a hard time getting started on things that I want to do.  It's like procrastination only worse.  I've tried to combat this by setting up a schedule for my day.   And that helps, but it's like pulling teeth. 

I've tried to understand what I'm scared of.  At first I thought It was failure. Then I thought it was "time" itself.  I dunno.  It's like I don't want to do anything, but not doing anything won't make me happy, so I got to do something, but feeling that I've got to do something only aggravates my fear. 

Do you have this problem?  Have you found anything that helps?

[Three Roses]

Yes, I'm in much the same boat. Idk if it's fear of failure or success, for me.

[Wife#2]

Yes, I deal with this all the time. It's not fear of failure or fear of success - it's being stuck by being overwhelmed.

After lots of therapy to address this (and a lifetime of being told I was lazy or a horrible procrastinator) I have come to realize that this is part of the freeze tendency. I can be overwhelmed making coffee in the morning. It's only 4 steps and everyone LOVES the results, but half-way through, I'm doubting myself. The ONLY reason it gets made every morning is that my desire to please and make others happy is stronger than my being overwhelmed at the process.

Look at the tasks you can do well, without even thinking. Those are the ones you've done enough that the inner critic / outer critic has been silenced.

For me, I had to overcome IC about how I brushed my teeth, how often I brushed my teeth and then deal with OC about the condition and color of my teeth. Those stupid commercials of people with perfect and white teeth do NOT help. (Sarcastic humor wants to say - Yeah, I've got your 'tissue test' right here - meaning nothing but I HATE those ads). Even though the ads still make me feel inadequate (cavities, missing teeth, yellow teeth), I can now get up every day and brush my teeth. It took years of work, seriously, but now I can.

I guess it could best be described as a sense of futility. Why bother? Because, when it's done I'll feel better - some days I believe that. Others, I laugh at that statement because brushing my teeth (dusting, dressing for work, doing dishes) is NOT going to make me feel better. Except, if I push on through and do it anyway, I DO feel better! But, that took so much work that I think I'm done for the day, so the rest can wait. *** This last part is the part where people around us, not understanding how much effort it took to get THAT done, call us lazy or procrastinators. They just don't get the effort required to do everyday things - every day!

[sanmagic7]

amen to that.  sometimes the effort and energy involved in taking a shower, something that used to be automatic in my life, just feels too dang BIG!  nowadays it's pick and choose what i want to expend energy on, and what i'll let wait for another time.  hooo-wheeee!

[LaurelLeaves]

Thanks to everyone who responded.    I'm definitely  a freeze-type, Wife#2.  Although I don't feel overwhelmed most times. 
I don't think it fear of failure, or success, or overwhelmed.  I really think it's the fear of "HAVE TO".    To do something... anything...even things that you want do, that you know you can do, that you done a million times so you know how to do it... you HAVE TO start. 

ah well... I think I'm getting better, but it's slow.

[Sisue]

Hallelujah!    I'm not alone!!!!
This is a hard thing to admit and an even harder thing to talk about.  I have felt like such a lazy failure these last 2-3 years.  I was a motivated hard worker who loved learning.  I had dreams and goals and was actively working towards them.  Then...

...it all crumbled.  I have not worked for over 2.5 years and see no near time that that will be possible.  I struggle with hygiene and basic tasks as you, too, have mentioned.  It is extremely hard to go from a functioning adult (although I think I was actually in serious denial) to a completely dismantled mess.  It takes an incredible toll on self esteem and self worth. 

Being dependent on my SO is excruciatingly painful for me.  I had decades of hearing how worthless I was from people close to me.  And there is a lot of societal stigma about "living off your spouse, the government or other people, not pulling you weight or not adding to society".  I feel a lot of guilt about that.

At this moment, I really wonder if I will ever be able to work again.  I have, literally, a lifetime (no kidding.) of abuse to slog through.  It seems like the more things I work on, the more crap keeps surfacing!   

[sanmagic7]

just a thought - could HAVE TO be connected to unrealistic expectations placed upon you by others?   at one point, when i was very sick, i thought that as long as i stayed sick, i didn't HAVE TO do anything, and no one expected me to.  my hub was so sweet and concerned, and willingly let me slide on things left undone around the house, often did all the errands while he worked at 2 jobs.  this went on for several years, and i learned to accept help, to accept that i couldn't do/fix/be everything for and to everybody, and that i wasn't lazy (a biggie with me as well) which were all things i needed to learn.  however, there came a time when i thought about my hub and all that he was doing, and decided that it really wasn't fair to him to simply remain like i was if i could help it.  that's when i began my recovery in earnest.

it's still not perfect, but has progressed in increments.  i still can't do very much at times, but i do more than what i had been doing and do it more consistently.  part of the recovery for me was being able to set boundaries for myself, both inner and outer, to those expectations of others.  perhaps you just need the time to be able to process your HAVE TO for yourself

[Sandstone]

I'm with you all on this one. Im exactly the same too.

[LaurelLeaves]

Seems like we're all procrastinators, but we all have a different reason.

I really think I know my reason now.  It is "fear of time", in a way.  It's fear of taking too much time.  It's like, everything I want to do will take me too much time to do it, and I don't want to face that, because it makes me feel stupid or inadequate.  For example, I am dyslexic, so anything to do with reading, writing or comprehending words at all, makes me feel slow and stupid.  But even when I'm doing art, I feel that "REAL" artists could do it faster, and I'm just inadequate. 

I think I've got get my IC to let up on me being slow.  There is so much I want to do, but I've got to face the fact that I will only get to about 10% of it, and really work on that 10%.

[meursault]

This helps  me a lot, I think other people might find it useful too.

Instead of feeling it's all insurmountable, or worrying about failing etc, I make some stuff an "activity" to do with my inner child.  Even stuff that I don't like works.  If I wanted to learn french better, for instance, I would pretend that I'm using the texts/tapes or whatever with my inner child and doing it so he can learn.  Yoga was kind of like for a while.  I would go, pretending I was bringing along little 3-year old me to stretch and feel good/relaxed around women.  Kind of like leading by example as a parent for my inner child, so they get the benefit.  Then I'm not actually worried as much about failing.  Each activity is sort of an "outing" for my inner child.  I don't expect a little kid to do well, but it's my responsibility to expose him to these things.

Meursault

[woodsgnome]

Thanks for that perspective, meursault.

I love the notion of doing things with and for the inner child. It took me a long while to actually visualize finding and incorporating him into my present existence. Still I find it easy to fall into the inner critic's trap of smirking and telling myself to stop pretending, get real, stop trying to imagine your way out of your miserable life,  .

Kind of sad, though--I prided myself on imagination for much of an adulthood spent as an improv actor. My primary task was to imagine scenarios, and then create believable scenes for performances. And yet I found it difficult to utilize my imaginative sparks to help in my own life after doing so well in the theatrical settings. Because despite my public success, I never could achieve that with my own hurting private self, due to all the cptsd-related effects discussed so often here.

It took lots of mental energy to finally accomplish the visualization exercise I described above. When I get down on myself now, all I need to do is picture that little fellow I've finally brought with me into my present moment self.

Your post reminded me to stay with it. And for all (I'm looking at YOU, Inner Critic! ) who would joke about reality and all that jazz, why on earth do we even have an imagination without drawing on it when needed?  In a way, I'm not just finding an inner child again, but returning my imagination to tackle the most important role of its life, blending the story of that inner child into my total being. My renewed imagination is finally able to create a meaningful space for me that I could only do for others in days past.

So your tale of you and the inner child has indeed helped and encouraged me to stay on track. Thanks again!

[meursault]

I have the inner critic telling me I'm stupid for doing it as well.  Somewhere along the way, though, my sense of what being a man is involves the ability to help and nurture little kids if I'm responsible for them.  In my mind, a MAN would just get on with doing what's right for the child even though he is being bullied, ridiculed and put down.  Those are irrelevant to doing what's right: looking after the child.

Maybe I'm just weird, but it works for me in a fair number of situations.  Unless I am in the throes of an emotional flashback, I seem to be able to identify with that.

Meursault

[Three Roses]

This fills me with hope. Wonderful insight M.

[Rainydaze]

Well, turns out I struggle with this too...I was aware of the freeze response but didn't realise until reading this thread how badly I have it! I struggle with housework and going to bed the most. I knowthat once I do a household chore it will only take an hour or so and it will look great once it's done, but I suppose I panic about all the other stuff I want to get done and how much time it will take and then get stuck in avoidance mode. With bedtime I often miss it because I doze on the sofa with my lovely, cuddly dog and feel safe and content. I know I'll pay for it the next day and end up waking up at 5am but at the time the moment of being 'safe' feels so much more important. Brushing my teeth, washing my face and getting ready for bed would break the spell. I guess feeling content is rare for me and when it happens I can't get enough and I struggle to let go.

I think for me if I feel OK and safe then I freeze as a self preservation measure, even if in the long run I could really improve the bigger picture by being more productive. I don't mean to be lazy and I torture myself for it but as someone else mentioned there is a feeling of being overwhelmed.

[Three Roses]

Dogs are the best, but animals of all sorts really help comfort us. I have a fluffy dog too, who is a great cuddler! Hard to walk away from that.