Massive EF - "object constancy"/abandonment depression

[sanmagic7]

i don't know if you can post too much.  i seem to see my name an awful lot and no one's said anything to me.  so, i just keep posting, and i encourage you to as well.

so glad everything was resolved with your friend, at least on one level.  keep going - we're all in this together.  big hug!

[woodsgnome]

So good to hear that, mourningdove. It's pretty unnerving to seem like one has reached such an emotional ledge, especially in any hard-won relationship, which are so hard to come by for many of us.

Thanks, though, for posting about both the bad, and the good...it gives us all hope for when it all seems to unravel. 

[mourningdove]

Thanks, sanmagic and woodsgnome! I really appreciate that.

[macandrui]

i just keep posting, and i encourage you to as well.

because here it isNOT ... it's more like   

Then I remembered that my friend's distance was only the immediate cause of it and not the root of the problem.

For the longest time, I had the entirety of http://mwkworks.com/desiderata.html memorized, and I'd recite it to myself when I felt I needed to (which was fairly tbh), and what comes to mind in reading this thread is: "Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story."

The only respite I have ever found from the quasi-vampiric hunger my FOO left me with, was to disavow completely their narci behaviour. Simple, although simple is never easy. Part of my personal work is to attempt what they never have (so far as I can see), which is to know that all the people around me also[/] have their own pain and suffering

When I can manage it, I'm able to get outside of the EF loop-de-loop, and see other people's faces, see in their eyes, that they too have their story

It's the antonym of isolating, and it's terrifying, and it's wonderful

[Kizzie]

Thank you so much, Kizzie and sanmagic! 

I stopped posting about it a few days ago, because I started to feel self-conscious about posting over and over. In the meantime, my friend did get in touch with me again, and explained why they had been so quiet. I was able to ask for some reassurance without coming off as too needy (hopefully), and my friend gladly provided it. That was such a relief that I was shocked when the EF kept on going. Then I remembered that my friend's distance was only the immediate cause of it and not the root of the problem. 

This has been quite a learning experience and all of your thoughts have been very helpful. Thanks again for your your support, everyone!

So glad to hear you have been in touch with your friend and that all is well between you. I'm sorry to hear the EF has kept going though and hope you have been or will be able to figure out what it is from the past that has triggered by the present. 

The last EF I had was when my H was away for a week with work and I realized that being alone raises abandonment feelings in me and this is something I have to acknowledge and work through.  Before I would just keep busy and ignore/shove down those feelings, but my IC doesn't allow that any more.  It's really hard to feel those old feelings but I think it's the only way to heal in the long run.  My two cents FWIW