Paranoia? General feelings of not being safe

[alovelycreature]

I know it is pretty common with C-PTSD to struggle with a sense of safety. I guess I'm not necessarily feeling unsafe in regards to my partner or home, but I just have this underlying fear all the time that just seems irrational and superstitious.

For example, my partner and I were upstairs in our home taking a nap and when we came downstairs the front door was wide open. It was also night time. I immediately panicked thinking someone must be in the house. My partner has dealt with me in "fear mode" before and he checked the entire house with me. I then proceeded to check the house just incase. The whole situation made me feel uneasy for the rest of the night. I could hardly sleep. Every noise might be someone. I kept thinking if I shut my eyes and rest then I might not notice something.

I feel when these types of situations come up I start to feel superstitious, like if I don't check the house, or stay awake, etc. something might happen. I keep a baseball bat next to my bed to calm my nerves, but it really doesn't work. I'm just tired of having this sense of paranoia and fear that something bad is going to happen. I was wondering if anyone has had to deal with this or has any advice.

Thanks in advance. I'm happy to be part of a community that is so open, loving, and nonjudgmental. It is incredibly healing to be open. 

[Sandals]

   I can relate. It was when my anxiety started going off the charts with every little thing (anything with a deadline attached...which is everything at work) that I knew I had to lay low.

I know, cognitively, that there shouldn't be anxiety attached to everything, but try to be gentle with my reactions that might be over-the-top. My T has given me a few tools to help manage through.

TAPPING (EFT-Emotional Freedom Technique)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4EDgTc0AyQ

And here's a website with great resources and info: http://www.tapping.com/

"Even though I feel _______________________________ I wholly and completely love and accept myself, my mind, my body, my soul and my personality, even though ____________________________________"

I felt very odd doing this the first time, but now it is my go-to for anxiety.

ANXIETY PROCESS from this Youtube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_jtsCgwcp4
***I added a few more questions etc, as you will see below...

How about print these steps out so you have them. Just five minutes of your time and you will be building knew neural pathways (habits) towards not only managing anxiety but ending/healing it! 

    Close eyes
    Bring your focus to the inside of your body and identify the sensations within you
    Choose the one sensation u identify and/or connect the most with your anxiety to focus on
    Take some time to focus fully on this one sensation and note where it resides within you
    Give this sensation some characteristics:  What shape is it? What color is it? How big is it?  How old is it? Does it make a sound? How heavy is it? On a scale from one 1_______10 how strong is it right now?
    In your mind and in your body say to it:


    "Sensation I see you"
    "Sensation I feel you"
    "Sensation I can handle you"
    "Feeling, you are ok to be where you are"
    "Energy, I let you be as you are" 


      7. Now, ask yourself again: On a scale from 1____10, how strong is the anxiety now?

***If still high/unmanageable do it again...

My T prefers this one as it also addresses the feeling part of c-ptsd. I am further behind on the feeling part, but am trying this process when other feelings (hurt, pain, sadness) become difficult to manage.

[schrödinger's cat]

I've had this fear, too. It's better now, but mostly because I'm limiting triggers, which means avoiding situations and people that trigger me, which means my life is small and narrow and kind of boring. So on the one hand, it worked. On the other hand, I'm bored and lonely.

One thing I discovered was, if something is really triggering and bad and can't be dealt with quickly, I'm not just upset about that specific thing, I'm generally unsettled. It's like some EFs produce this general cloud of fear, this cold icy fearful fog that I then live in. It attaches itself to anything and everything. It got so bad that I couldn't cross a bridge without being sure it would collapse under me.

I'm wondering if this has to do with the fact that the circumstances that got me my CPTSD were seen as normal and ordinary. No one ever gave me the message: "wow, what you're going through is NOT normal, you're in a very unusual situation, other kids don't have to deal with all this." The message I got was: "this is ordinary, grow a thicker skin and you'll be fine". So maybe that created a sense of general unease? Like: "if it was so very normal, it'll happen again everywhere and at any time, as normal things do." If that's true, then it would follow that gaining clarity about what happened would ease my anxiety.

[alovelycreature]

I never thought about it that way. Yeah if your experience was "normal" how could you ever feel safe? It definitely is a "cloud of fear." Or rose colored glasses. You don't really notice it because it's always there.

I've had this fear, too. It's better now, but mostly because I'm limiting triggers, which means avoiding situations and people that trigger me, which means my life is small and narrow and kind of boring. So on the one hand, it worked. On the other hand, I'm bored and lonely.

One thing I discovered was, if something is really triggering and bad and can't be dealt with quickly, I'm not just upset about that specific thing, I'm generally unsettled. It's like some EFs produce this general cloud of fear, this cold icy fearful fog that I then live in. It attaches itself to anything and everything. It got so bad that I couldn't cross a bridge without being sure it would collapse under me.

I'm wondering if this has to do with the fact that the circumstances that got me my CPTSD were seen as normal and ordinary. No one ever gave me the message: "wow, what you're going through is NOT normal, you're in a very unusual situation, other kids don't have to deal with all this." The message I got was: "this is ordinary, grow a thicker skin and you'll be fine". So maybe that created a sense of general unease? Like: "if it was so very normal, it'll happen again everywhere and at any time, as normal things do." If that's true, then it would follow that gaining clarity about what happened would ease my anxiety.

[alovelycreature]

I have now done the tapping video twice. So great. Thank you so much! It is incredibly helpful and works fast!!!

  I can relate. It was when my anxiety started going off the charts with every little thing (anything with a deadline attached...which is everything at work) that I knew I had to lay low.

I know, cognitively, that there shouldn't be anxiety attached to everything, but try to be gentle with my reactions that might be over-the-top. My T has given me a few tools to help manage through.

TAPPING (EFT-Emotional Freedom Technique)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4EDgTc0AyQ

And here's a website with great resources and info: http://www.tapping.com/

"Even though I feel _______________________________ I wholly and completely love and accept myself, my mind, my body, my soul and my personality, even though ____________________________________"

I felt very odd doing this the first time, but now it is my go-to for anxiety.

ANXIETY PROCESS from this Youtube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_jtsCgwcp4
***I added a few more questions etc, as you will see below...

How about print these steps out so you have them. Just five minutes of your time and you will be building knew neural pathways (habits) towards not only managing anxiety but ending/healing it! 

    Close eyes
    Bring your focus to the inside of your body and identify the sensations within you
    Choose the one sensation u identify and/or connect the most with your anxiety to focus on
    Take some time to focus fully on this one sensation and note where it resides within you
    Give this sensation some characteristics:  What shape is it? What color is it? How big is it?  How old is it? Does it make a sound? How heavy is it? On a scale from one 1_______10 how strong is it right now?
    In your mind and in your body say to it:


    "Sensation I see you"
    "Sensation I feel you"
    "Sensation I can handle you"
    "Feeling, you are ok to be where you are"
    "Energy, I let you be as you are" 


      7. Now, ask yourself again: On a scale from 1____10, how strong is the anxiety now?

***If still high/unmanageable do it again...

My T prefers this one as it also addresses the feeling part of c-ptsd. I am further behind on the feeling part, but am trying this process when other feelings (hurt, pain, sadness) become difficult to manage.

[Sandals]

So glad to hear it helped!    Here's to less anxiety.