Why can't I cry?

[Eyessoblue]

This may sound a bit strange, but I can't cry. Does anyone else have this problem? Inside, I feel so much emotion and anger and during therapy I can feel the tears at the back of my eyes, but they are unable to come out, I feel like my emotions are on a pause button or on a permanent stop. I know if I could sit there and let all my emotions out I would feel so much better, but for whatever reason I am unable to do so and find it really frustrating that I can't. I sometimes wonder what my Therapist thinks, I wonder if she thinks I'm very strange as she has never seen me shed a tear, previously I was in therapy for two years and was the same there too. Is this a symptom of cptsd or is it just 'me' does anyone know?

[Dee]

It's not just you.  Crying is difficult for a lot of people.  I almost never cry in front of someone.  I have also spent stretches unable to cry at all.  My therapist has only seen me holding back tears and only once in a year.  It is common with cPTSD.  I once heard why, but I just can't remember.  But I promise you this is very normal, your T doesn't think anything of it, and your are not alone.

[Rosie Rose]

I am new to this forum and I am not out yet, but planning on leaving. I am so affected by my OCPDH behavio that I thought I was getting depressed. I didn't know of CPTSD.
I don't cry either. My girlfriends' think something is wrong with me. They say they could not deal with what I put up with without a melt down from time to time. I think he is making me numb. Glad to hear I'm not the only one.

[Eyessoblue]

Glad to hear it's not just me! My husband thinks it's strange that I show no emotion to anything, it's like I expect bad things to happen and not surprised when they do, I think maybe if I start crying I won't stop, I have so much to cry about it's like where do I start, just easier for me to avoid it I think. Have tried to find my "inner child" but have had no luck in finding her either!

[Riverstar]

I think this is really common. In my case, I never cried because every day of my childhood I had very good reason to cry, and if I didn't learn to stop, I would have cried constantly. I also didn't cry because that would be an emotion my abusers (parents) could have taken advantage of to hurt me more. Maybe it wasn't safe for you to cry in the past, so you don't now. Or maybe it just wasn't helpful - maybe nothing good ever came of it.

I've learned to cry now, but it took 6 months of therapy. Then for like two months I cried all the time at the smallest thing (trigger), because like you said there were just so many reasons to cry. Now I'm much more balanced (13 months of therapy) and still cry easily about things that remind me of my past, but often only for a moment, and I feel better now. My roommate/best friend joked that I was "repressed sad" before. I don't think it's something to worry about in itself, but rather something that will sort itself out over time if you keep going to therapy. I think you need to start feeling that it's safe to cry, that it's not a weakness, that no one will think less of you for it, that it's not a failure, that you aren't a failure...etc before it'll start working again.

[sanmagic7]

i stopped crying for a long period of my life as well.  some of my messages in childhood were that 'crying doesn't solve anything', or 'as soon as i try to talk to you, there go the waterworks', and i would also get mocked by friends at the movies, etc.  the last time i cried (until i got into therapy at 38) was when i was 14, there was a situation with my parents being very detached at my tears, and i realized i was on my own emotionally.  tears wouldn't get me anywhere, and i began creating a new personality for myself that didn't include tears, especially not in front of others.

now, i cry at every little thing, and i'm still seeking a balance, but i still like this better than not crying at all.  my guess is that somewhere along the way you realized that crying wasn't ok for you for whatever reason.  i, too, believe that as you continue on this journey of recovery, you'll eventually be able to deal with the demons that hold back your tears and finally feel some sweet relief.  small steps.  it'll happen when you're ready.  best to you with this. 

[Hazy111]

I think this is very common too. For men especially.

We dont cry for so many reasons, but i think one of the key ones, it means youre vulnerable and people with C-PTSD learnt early on not to show their vulnerability, so as  to shore up their battered self esteem as an individual. Its our defence field against getting hurt again.

When i read that crying was the best form of relief i was desperate for my T to get me to cry.  It just cant be forced . When you do, a trigger will happen and the damn will burst, it will happen.

My last session , he started to talking to my inner critic and i answered as the critic. On and on it went, then suddenly i must have switched to my inner child and said "i wont beg (you to stop, mum?)" and it all flooded out . I was the little frightened boy again???

Good luck. It will come

[Wife#2]

As you feel safer, you may get your healthy tears back.

I stopped crying as a symptom of the unhealthy marriage I'm in. I didn't cry much before that, but still, I am woman - hand my hankie! Yet, in my marriage, my husband complained many times about tears being manipulation. So, rather than be a 'manipulator', I dried up. Now, when I want to, I have a very difficult time even allowing tears. Except in church, for some reason. There, I can weep my heart out. Except the day my husband joined me at church. Dry as a bone that day.

Anyway, if you are already in therapy, this would make an excellent question. I'd love to hear a professional's response. If not, maybe one of the other responders can ask his or her therapist. I'm currently not in therapy or I'd ask for us all!

Peace to you. And if you really just need to make sure your tear ducts are working, cut up some onions or watch videos that are so funny you cry - I've done this and it does give the eyes some relief.

[Dwonderer]

I can def relate to this. I recently read a book by Pete Walker called The Tao of Full Feeling and realized that was a part of my healing process that was causing me to still be stuck with the past.

Victims of abuse usually learn early on to hold their emotion for survival reasons. By the time they reach adulthood, these repressive behaviors become so automatic. This very true for my case. I cannot force myself to cry and when i do it would be brief and in an outburst. I would write journal about abusive past that if someone else have written it I would be compelled to cry and soothe but I can't do it for myself. Still a working progress...

[SaraDurga]

I can relate, am looking for answers too. For me, it is that I constantly feel like crying but can't. Like, i give myself time and space to, but I can't. But then, I cry at other times. A cousin just got married and I cried throughout her ceremony and then when I had to give a speech. cried through the whole thing. I was embarrassed... I felt like everyone can see that I am wounded.