To my tormenter, aka former boss. *** TRIGGER ALERTS BIG TIME ***

[Wife#2]

I tried something like this letter in therapy. You remember that, right? After I thought about * to get away from you? That three day stay, I try to joke about it, make light of it, but YOU and my seeming inability to escape you put me there. The only reason I finally talked about this situation there was because they wouldn't release me unless I dealt with the issue. 

I won't relive the details again. I've already confessed them to the therapist in the hospital. And the therapist I saw for two years after leaving the hospital. I had enough respect to NOT provide details to the company owner. Had you already given him your side of the story? Before I could even leave the hospital? He knew before that, though, didn't he?

You had no shame! Why did you look at me and decide that I could be treated that way? What is it about me that told you that I was weak and that I would succumb? Is that why you hired me in the first place? Was that always part of your end game? You *! 

How could you invite me to your home as a company function after that? How could you stand having me at your house where you couldn't watch me every second, and your wife there, too? How did you know that I wouldn't hurt her with the solid evidence of your wretchedness?

I will go miles out of my way just to spare myself the sight of that office - where you perpetrated your crimes against me. If I find myself nearby anyway, I can't help but look. And get upset all over again if I see your truck parked there.

I can't, for the life of me, understand how men can befriend men like you, find out what you're up to, and remain loyal to their friends. I can't understand it. When presented with the facts, the company owner looked at me like I belonged back in the hospital. I must be crazy if I expected him to believe that. HIS friend a HARASSER? HIS friend a RAPIST? HIS friend trolling for victims among HIS employees? NO, not possible! Well it was. It is, It happened. And you are the perpetrator.

And you messed me up, but good. I'm scared of any boss who is kind to me. I question motives of all males. I am protective against any man who shows any interest in me. I have to make myself revolting as quick as I can so they will look away. Nothing worth raping here! Nothing worth harassing - barely a woman at all - go away!

And my husband pays a big price for it. He has his own issues that we're working out. But, our marriage may have been much easier had I not still been suffering the after-effects of having been harassed and gas-lit for years. I might not have been so willing to make a bad match except I saw myself being in a relationship as the only protection against you!

So, when I see your truck sitting at that office, I want to throw up. You do damage to others and just keep rolling like it's nothing new. Maybe because I made a stink, you had to stop shopping for victims among his employees. If so, that's at least something. Maybe your wife destroyed you in a divorce - I'd heard something about that and wish I'd known so I could testify for her. Maybe your son lost all respect for you and walked out of your life. That would be justice, he was all you had left. But, seeing you at that office convinces me that none of this happened. Your life just kept rolling along all sweet and cozy.

If you have any sense of Heaven or *, I hope you are finally praying when you go to church - and praying for GOD's forgiveness. I hope you have enough decency to actually feel shame for how you treated me, your wife, your friends and your son during that time.

Did you ever consider that your sudden onset of diabetes could have been a warning from God? I did. Or that the horrific stones you developed - which required hospitalization - were a warning? Those spoke more directly to the root of the problem - being painful in the area of your body that was involved in the problem. No, you just kept slugging back your beer, convinced that you were justified to be the * you were being. I just don't know why you thought it was ok to be such a * to me!?

How did I attract you, so I can never do or be that again.

But, this won't be sent. If I was going to get resolution or even an apology from you, it would have happened already. Instead, I got a scorched earth (all lawyers called by you so I couldn't hire them) so that I couldn't even sue you for harassment.  Pretty crafty. Not the kind of thing done by a man who feels guilt or shame or even remorse for his actions.

May your life be what you deserve. May your afterlife be what you deserve. May God forgive you and may God please teach me how to forgive and move on.