Can't remember most of therapy sessions am I disassociating ?

[Des]

Hi,

I often find that I can recall very little of what my therapist has said in the therapy session and not much of what I have said either.  This is hard as not getting as much as I could out of therapy sessions and I also find it really scary.

Does this happen to anyone else, am I disassociating and how do I stop please?

Thanks a lot

[keepfighting]

So sorry to hear that, Des. 

I remember sessions like that - I got CBT which only scratches the original trauma and still there were times when for about 2 days after a t session I was so pre occupied with EFs and trying to get my head around what we talked about in t that I was barely functioning and my mind was in overdrive...  Have you talked to your t about this? Did she have any suggestions of how to deal with this? (Maybe give you time to make a few notes during the session or send you a short email with the main points or something?)

Did you manage to organize some more t for you? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[Des]

Hello,

Thank you so much for your replies.  I am using grounding techniques and I have a conker which I hold in sessions so I am hoping this will help.  I haven't spoken to my T about this as I have only just registered it really but I have written a letter to my T to take tomorrow as I get overwhelmed and tongue tied in the sessions and I have mentioned this in there. 

I am just hoping I have the courage to read it out to her.  If I posted it somewhere on here tonight do you think anyone could read it and check it's ok?  No worries if not.

I have only 4 T sessions left and I am scared but your reassuring replies help.

Thank you

[Kizzie]

Hey Des - just wanted to mention that there's a thread here about dissociation in therapy that Globetrrotter started: http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=157.0

How did your appt go?

[Des]

Hi Kizzie,

That's great thanks I will check it out.  The appointment went ok thanks, with some panic and lots of tears.  The T said she thought I had dissociated in some past sessions and she had used grounding to bring me back.

She has said that she has decided that I do need further therapy and she will refer me on after these sessions finish.  The waiting list is about nine months though so I will just have to try and hang on in there.  The therapy she is considering is dbt but she needs to take advice from colleagues.

Has anyone else had dbt therapy, all the things I have seen say it's for borderline personality disorder so I am confused by this.

Thanks

[Rain]

Hi Des,

I have this summary of DBT on my desktop as it is helpful in my Journey:

"That basic idea — radical acceptance, she (Marsha Linehan, the creator of DBT) now calls it — became increasingly important as she began working with patients, first at a suicide clinic in Buffalo and later as a researcher. Yes, real change was possible. The emerging discipline of behaviorism taught that people could learn new behaviors — and that acting differently can in time alter underlying emotions from the top down.

Seemingly opposed principles that could form the basis of a treatment:

1) acceptance of life as it is, not as it is supposed to be;

2) and the need to change, despite that reality and because of it.


I am delighted they are likely extending sessions, but the 9-month wait??   

Hang in there ...and heal in the meantime, Des!

[Des]

Hi. Rain,

Thank you so much for your reassuring reply, it has relieved the major anxiety I have been feeling over the last few days.

I find this very interesting as well and will look into it as I have fibromyalgia and wonder if this is all related to the trauma.

I would add that Van der Kolk, in his The Body Knows the Score stresses not only top down, but bottom up to heal trauma survivors such as ourselves.   The top down is DBT, the body bottom up.   Somatic  Experiencing is an example of working with our bodies to release the trauma.   

Thank a lot, I am really grateful for your advice.

Take Care of yourself

[Butterfly]

Didn't get to read much of the follow up post but wanted to pop in and suggest if it hasn't been already to take notes. Unless I take notes I find the whole thing so overwhelming that when I walk away I don't remember. But I do this with doctors and all sorts of things I just have a little notebook to Jot some thoughts as I go along. Afterward the short notes help me remember more of the detail and I might fill in some of the detail later

[Des]

Thanks Butterfly, that's a good idea might make me focus more too.

Take Care x