Attitudinal Adjustments; Shame and Scars

[woodsgnome]

There's been several threads on here about discussing cptsd, or trying to, with other people. The common feedback heard from others ranges from the horrified to the indifferent, to the worst: "just get over it". But it still hurts to fearfully hold back from sharing about something important to who you are, where you've been, and why you are a certain way, etc.

The natural tendency is to clam up. But all that's ever seemed to accomplish is that the inside scars fester and are felt even more keenly. It's frustrating that we can't even find someone to vent a little about what hurt us. I've decided to lean in another direction recently. My inspiration was a little quote I recently read. It said:

"Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you." ...Unknown.

Well, thank you, Unknown! So simple yet so elegant. It doesn't instruct that I'll automatically feel better to just go around freely yapping about my secret/shameful/painful story of what happened--who'd want to do that? But not being ashamed, either; knowing that I WAS strong, I DID survive, and I CAN even thrive seem like key steps on the road of recovery. Inner Critic wants to shout "ha, ha, still hurting, eh? Stuff it away where you deserve to keep it." Well--know what, Inner Critic; two can play that game, and the hurt also represents strength that leads to healing and that's worth more than any more words from you.

Does this new attitude towards my scars mean I can comfortably discuss some things with more confidence and that folks will understand me better? People being people--probably not, and I'll still cringe if certain topics arise ("what was your childhood like?"). But if they sneak in anyway, choosing to consider the scars as symbolic of strength and not of shame might help salve some of the hurt. This is about my well-being, not about preserving my precious public image for others or to spare their feelings (it might even help them more honestly consider their own hidden sore spots).

Others can react as they will, but I'm thoroughly sick of always hiding it for fear of judgement, ridicule, or false pity. Abuses leading to cptsd aftereffects like flashbacks and other harmful outcomes were/are a part of me that is what it is. No amount of re-wording or frantic avoidance makes it magically disappear. But turning shame into strength? I like the sound of that.

[radical]

You can share a story of courage and strength.

Silence fosters and enables abuse, silences others, keeps us apart because it forces us into living a lie, which fosters shame.  It's such a vicious cycle.

I'm looking for my authentic voice too.

All power to you Woodsgnome.

Edited to add:  We don't make sense without any context so others can understand.  I always found it difficult that people couldn't get a bearing on who I was, it made me hard to relate to and me forever out of sync with others and myself.