No spiritual connection

[Dee]

I was in group today and there was a lot of god talk.  First, it was about reading something daily (affirmations) and then it went into the theme for the day.  We were talking about space and what it means, how we fill it.  I do not believe in anything and I never have.  I was not raised with religion and it isn't something I ever felt a need to explore.  I rarely tell anyone because I feel it is just another thing wrong with me and makes me different, bad.  In a place where I am suppose to feel like I belong, I felt like I didn't even belong there.  When it was my turn to talk about space I said it felt empty.  Guess that was too depressing because we moved on quickly.  I feel so different, if everyone else is doing so well, why are they even there?  Everyone there has PTSD, but I might be the only one with cPTSD.  I don't know, we don't talk about the past, just coping today.

[LaurelLeaves]

I do not believe in anything and I never have.  I was not raised with religion and it isn't something I ever felt a need to explore.  I rarely tell anyone because I feel it is just another thing wrong with me and makes me different, bad. 

I was raised with religion and believed in a god for many years...  but now I don't.  It is not something that is wrong with you.   It is just a belief.   No one can prove it either way, thought some people are deluded to think they can.

[movementforthebetter]

Hi Dee,

You aren't alone. I have no connection to any kind of god either. Only nature.

As much as peopke like to say religion is natural or inherent, it's ultimately a man-made system of authority. Any belief in a "higher power" is extremely personal and any conviction otherwise is pure projection.

Obviously, it's good to respect others' beliefs. But that's a two-way street. 

[Sandstone]

I dont follow any religion either. Im more for nature and the stars etc. To me they are real things i can connect with. I believe in an omnipresent god so to speak. In everything including ourselves.

[mourningdove]

Another non-religious nature person here. I would have been very uncomfortable in that god-talk group therapy situation, and I'm very sorry that you found yourself in it. I don't know if I am reading too much into it, but to me it sounds like it one of those forced kumbaya moments that only hurt when one isn't feeling it.

[Dee]

We have one extremely religious person who brings it into everything and people who feel the same jump in.  I think it helps her deal with life.  I think she needs it.  Maybe, I don't have a spiritual connection because of my life.  I can't say it is a loss of faith, I never had faith.  I was uncomfortable, to be sure. 

[Kizzie]

I think those of us who developed Complex PTSD as children are sensitized to being asked to just believe or have faith because the trauma we endured was interpersonal, perpetrated by people who we should have been able to trust but who instead took advantage of us. 

When you have PTSD on the other hand, the trauma is impersonal (e.g.,  being in a car accident or the victim of crime), and as you say if you do subscribe to a faith it might help you to get through that. 

Does the group know you have Complex PTSD Dee and what is the difference between it and PTSD?  It might help to talk about that and why that leaves you feeling empty spiritually.  Just a thought.

[Dee]

Kizzie,

I took several days to think about talking to the group and I think it is a good idea.  The women there are victims of a rape, maybe raped twice.  I do believe that is devastating and their experiences are significant, but I also believe there is a before.  I have yet to tell them that in addition to being raped as an adult (group criteria) that I was raped for years as a child.  I think it would explain some other ways that I don't relate to them.  Outside of individual therapy I have never opened up about it.  Perhaps explaining CPTSD would be a first step.  It would be nice to start to break away from what I feel is a huge secret that separates me from them.  On a positive note, I use to not even be able to write the word rape.

[Sandstone]

  Dee.

[Kizzie]

There's some info on the differences between CPTSD and PTSD here - http://www.outofthestorm.website/symptoms/symptoms and the causes here - http://www.outofthestorm.website/causes/.   

It may actually be that one or two other members have Complex PTSD if they endured repeated rapes/other forms of ongoing abuse in adulthood.

In any case I hope they are able to understand and provide support when/if you disclose your past.