Where do I begin?

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Manchesterford

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Where do I begin?
« on: October 25, 2016, 08:51:33 PM »
Hello, I am new to the site. I have been posting on Out of the Fog for some time but felt this might be a more appropriate place to be.

Over the past 2 years my parner who suffers from BPD has behaved in ways that arent acceptable. She has hurt me, she has left me (we are currently seperated). I have sat in therapy and worked through the issues, the boundaries I must set. I have accepted she has a major mental health problem and that she needs treatment.  I know that even if we do get back together it wont be plain sailing. I know that I have low self worth and that I have accepted behviour that isnt loving. I know at the moment she isnt trying and that her focus is on herself. Our petals have fallen and yet our roots are tied.

This separation has made me ill. I am scared. I am sick. I realise how I have given myself over to her over the years and now I am terrifed and lost without her. I cant see a future but I need to, I need thr strength and resolve to move forward and to build a life for myself.

I have had therapy and am trying hypnotherapy. I am starting on anti depressants.

I am in so much pain. I feel small, empty and lifeless. I feel scared. The wound is deep. The triggers are dreadful.

Where do i begin? How do I start to heal myself? Any advice would be welcome. Thank you all x

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Three Roses

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Re: Where do I begin?
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2016, 09:23:10 PM »
Hello and welcome, Manchesterford! Glad you're here. Talking about your feelings is a good way to start healing, I think. Read our stories and join the discussion, I'm sure you will find you're not alone. :wave:

Thanks for joining!


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Manchesterford

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Re: Where do I begin?
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2016, 10:02:37 PM »
Thank you Three Rose!  Just being here feels like a step. Moving away from looking at her illness and looking at myself.  X

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sanmagic7

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Re: Where do I begin?
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2016, 09:23:06 PM »
hey,

it sounds like you've already begun.  one foot in front of the other is what it takes.  glad you're here.

maybe this separation is a signal for you to begin focusing on your self, your needs, your wants, what's ok to allow in your life, and what's not ok.  roots might be entangled, but with patience and time, if it's what's needed, they, too, can be separated.  for now, tho, you've taken this step.  plus you're getting some help, and you have a desire to do something different.  keep up the good work.  you're not alone.